Chick: What are you doing this weekend?
Guy: I’m going to a passover rave.
Chick: What the hell is a passover rave?
Guy: That’s where we have a Seder, then drop ecstasy and go dancing.
Chick: That is so awesome. Can I come?
Guy: You’re not Jewish.
–Waiting Room, Pacific College of Acupuncture Clinic
Overheard by: Colleen
Teenage kid: How long have you been waiting for the bus?
Old lady: Since I was your age.
–Main St, Queens Blvd
Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now.
–W Houston
Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point.
40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am.
–81st & Madison
Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card.
–Stanton & Christie
Overheard by: Ross
Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi!
–Dice Thai, Prospect Park
Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid
Curly-haired chick: Your condom consumption should not intimidate people.
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Woman: He bought a car? With seven grand you buy condoms… or a house. But a car?
–6 train
Overheard by: Sabrina
Girl on cell: So I’m just at the pharmacy picking up a prescription… [Lowers voice] You know, my pills… What? My pills! You know, those pills I take so that I don’t get pregnant when your dumb ass busts inside me!
–Duane Reade, 34th & Park
Overheard by: Laughing my dumb ass off
Perky girl to friend: Yeah, and then he said, ‘What the heck?’ and flung the condom across the room.
–Astor Pl
20-ish chick: The ribs do nothing for me, but I buy ‘Her pleasure’ condoms for political reasons.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Young girl, panicky: Do you know where I can find the morning-after pill?!
–CVS
Gentleman, innocently conversing with woman: He's a tall guy, what did she expect?
Out-of-control hobo sitting next to couple: Fuck that! Tall people are pizzas. Tall people are pizzas!
–A Train
Overheard by: Katie Arvidson
Tourist son: Wow, is this high school?
Tourist dad: Yup, you gotta be like Asian to go here.
–Stuyvesant High School
Girl #1, walking into the bathroom: Are these stalls all full?
Girl #2 from inside stall: Seat's taken!
Girl #3, in stall next to her: Taken!
–Bar, 39th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Laura
Yuppie: Do you think my neighborhood is sketchy, too?
Friend #1: Well, the part where you walk past the abandoned warehouse *is* sketchy.
Yuppie: They're building an addition. In six months, abandoned no more.
Friend #2: I hear DUMBO is hot right now.
Yuppie: You know, whenever I tell anybody I live in DUMBO, it's like that movie Zoolander, whenever Hansel comes in and they all go, “oh, Hansel's hot now.”
–High Street Train Station
Girl: But what if he doesn’t want to have sex with me?
Male friend: Oh, please. Banging exes is like the number two national pastime to baseball.
–6 train
Small giggly daughter: Daddy, do lions drink soda?
Father: Yes.
Small giggly daughter: Daddy, lions don't drink soda!
Father: No, they don't. Soda's bad for you…don't you know that, sweetie?
–D Train
Overheard by: Caitlin
Headline by: Emily Leonard
Runners-Up:
· “Children Get Confused When Their Daddies Are Always Lion” – Matt Wozniski
· “Fanta Bad…Antelope Good” – Edmond “The Lurch” Kida
· “Here, Hold on to Daddy’s Cigarettes Like a Good Little Girl” – Katoe
· “Mastering Her Psychic Powers, Little Susie Soon Ruled the World” – Nick Pollotta
· “Nick Pollotta’s Got This Rigged” – psh
· “There Goes the Narnia Product Placement Deal” – Baby
· “This Would Be Funny If He Didn’t Have Alzheimer’s” – Muse on the Loose
