Catch-of-the-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!

–Central Park North

Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!

–Columbus & 67th

Overheard by: abcnews

Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.

–Penn Station

Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: the guy behind the guy

Posted on December 15, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Penn Station, Questions, Shoes, Smoking, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

We're Saddened That We Understand This Quote.

Lost college girl to staff: Excuse me, I came in here to find a textbook but I spent all my money on that New Moon shit. Can I get a college discount?
20-something staff: Um, Edward or Jacob?
Lost college girl: Jacob.
20-something staff: Yeah, I think we can get you a discount.

–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope

Overheard by: Taylor not twilight

Posted on December 14, 2014
Books & Writing, Clerks, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Park Slope, Questions, Store, Students

You Can’t Fix Everything with Explosives

Old guy browsing power tools: What about a bomb?
Buddy: A bomb? … We already talked about that.

–Home Depot, 23rd St

Overheard by: Benjamin

Posted on December 14, 2014
Friends, Guys, Old People, Questions, Shopping, Store, Time

That’s What They Call a “Dildon’t”

Girl #1: How’s your va… [inaudible].
Girl #2: Shhhh.
Girl #1: Your vagina!
Girl #2, flustered: Shhhh!
Girl #1: Didn’t your vibrator break?
[Everyone turns around to stare.]

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Posted on December 13, 2014
Columbia University, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Etiquette, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

I Mean, I Assume He’s Sleeping with Her

Woman #1: You know that wasn’t a real woman, right?
Woman #2: I don’t know, I don’t know. I gotta ask my husband. He’ll know.

–23rd & 3rd

Posted on December 12, 2014
Gender issues, Idiots, Ladies Who Lunch, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Stupidity, Women

Thanks, Kind Stranger!

Hopelessly lost tourist: How do you get to Broadway?
Irritable local: Practice.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on December 12, 2014
Directions, NYC Geography, Questions, Times Square, Tourists

She Was All, “Your Prescription Came In.” Can You Imagine??

Guy #1: So, are you gonna go to the pharmacy again?
Guy #2: No, dude.
Guy #1: Why not? You should go to the pharmacy.
Guy #2: Dude, if I go to the pharmacy it's gonna be so awkward. She found my number in the database and called me.

–The Met

Posted on December 12, 2014
Guys, Questions, The Met, Weirdness

Josh Wins the Battle, but Loses the War

Boyfriend: Can you believe they're saying the temperature is gonna rise, like, 5 degrees over the next 100 years?
Girlfriend: Yeah, but it's all based on scientist's predictions and computer models.
Boyfriend: Predictions and computer models? C'mon!
Girlfriend: How do you think they predict anything?
Boyfriend: But to force public policy upon us based on these predictions and models is a mistake!
Girlfriend: Force public policy upon us? What are you talking about? Nobody's forcing you to do anything.
Boyfriend: Hillary Clinton taking oil company profits. There you go.
Girlfriend: (looks puzzled)
Boyfriend: Booyah!

–Pool, 79th St