German vendor: Hello.
Midwestern kid: Look, chocolate.
German vendor: Do you know Mozart chocolate?
Midwestern kid: No.
German vendor: But do you know Mozart?
Midwestern mom: No.
–Christmas market, Columbus Circle
German vendor: Hello.
Midwestern kid: Look, chocolate.
German vendor: Do you know Mozart chocolate?
Midwestern kid: No.
German vendor: But do you know Mozart?
Midwestern mom: No.
–Christmas market, Columbus Circle
Queer #1: If you were a hot dog and you were starving, would you eat yourself?
Queer #2, giggling: Ewww… I don’t like red meat.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Allen B.
Tour guide: So you guys said you liked The Velvet Underground, right?
Various tour members: Yes.
Tourist wife to husband: No, we don't.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: j
Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.
–90th & Amsterdam Ave
Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.
–South Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: smfd
Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Oh really
Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.
–W 26th & 8th
Overheard by: Katie_AK
Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Adriana
Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Taryn
Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?
–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island
Literature prof: Carlos Fuentes and Octavio Paz were two Mexican intellectuals who wrote essays concerning what it meant to be Mexican. Can anyone name some equivalent American intellectuals who were concerned with what it means to be American?
Student #1: Steven Spielberg?
Student #2: J. K. Rowling?
Student #3: Bob Dylan?
Student #4: C. S. Lewis?
Student #5: Stephen King?
[silence]
–Fordham University Classroom
Overheard by: [Embarrassed] to be an American
Girl #1: How's your diet going?
Girl #2: Really good. I've been working out like crazy and I haven't had any water like all day.
Girl #1: Good for you. Water's like soooooooooo heavy.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: branbran
Yunnie girl #1: I hate the subway. You know, I've been fucked on the subway. Twice, actually.
Yunnie girl #2: Huh?
Yunnie girl #1: What–you mean you've never had sex on the subway?
–6 Train
NYC cop #1: You ever seen Bobby's World?
NYC cop #2: Yeah!
–The Pond, Manhattan
Overheard by: Oscar
Male customer (looking dubiously at sandwich in wrapper marked chicken): Is this the fish fillet sandwich I ordered?
Counter person: Yes, the chicken is the fish.
–Wendy’s, Boston Road, The Bronx
Overheard by: Suze V
Conductor, over intercom: Conductor in the fifth car -are you top or bottom?
[well-built conductor walks through car to intercom to respond]Gay commuter, upon seeing him: Oooh, I hope he’s a bottom.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: MrStench
