It's Gonna Be Another Long Season

Co-ed: Excuse me, would you mind moving over so my friend and I can sit together?
Guy in Yankees cap: I ain't moving. You can find somewhere else to sit.
Bystander: Whoa, dude, the girl just wants to sit with her friend. Why are you being rude to her?
Guy in Yankees cap: It's my seat. I don't want to move. It's my right.
Bystander: I thought you were a Yankees fan.
Guy in Yankees cap: End of discussion.
Bystander: I thought you were a Yankees fan. You're a Yankees fan and you treat ladies like that?
Guy in Yankees cap: I ain't moving. End of discussion.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on June 7, 2010
Assholes, Friends, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Only in New York, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Yankees

His Mother Still Hasn't Forgiven Me for the DNA Test

Man, motioning to baby carriage: That yours?
Man with baby carriage, nodding sheepishly: Surprisingly, yeah.

–Broadway & 110th St

Posted on June 7, 2010
Babies, Men, Parents, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Mattel's “Fuck Math” Barbie Has Been Wildly Successful

Little boy to sister: What's the perimeter of a rectangle?
Sister: Big foot!!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on June 6, 2010
Kids, Questions, Science, Sisters, Union Square and East Village

On the Third Day, It Rises

Born again Christian missionary: Do accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Power-suited woman: Do you accept my clitoris as yours?

–F Train

Overheard by: Formfaktor

Posted on June 5, 2010
Christians, Jesus, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Vagina

That'll Change Your Minds

Wannabe hipster: Do you guys like music?
Guys: Yeah.
Wannabe hipster: Then lemme give you a copy of my CD.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: alerns

Posted on June 4, 2010
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Guys, Hipsters, Park Slope, Questions, Singing

Wednesday One-Linering Miss Daisy

Elderly lady to coughing woman sitting across the room: Do you have something in your throat? Cuz I could slap it out for you.

–Doctor's Waiting Room

Old lady to pharmacy tech: Yeah, I always have an ice cream cone when I see the truck. It's such a nice treat. (pauses) Plus, you never know–this could be my last one.

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Queens Newsbunny

Very old frail-looking woman leaving crowded train: Goddamned people and their fucking backpacks!

–6 Train

Old man on cell: Hello? (pause) I'm at the crack shack. (pause) Well, you look like a raccoon. (pause) This is the first I've been outside all year!

–Madison Square Park

Old Jewish woman, in Russian: My grandchildren are total fucks.

–Coney Island

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Coney Island, Family Ties, Food, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Jews, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Gosh, I Miss Middle School!

Drunken blonde: Are you okay?
Drunken brunette: I got locked in the bathroom!
Drunken blonde: You are so great. Can you be my assistant in life?
Drunken brunette: Let's get something to eat. Make sure I get home okay.
(blonde puts arm around brunette)
Drunken brunette: Whosa this?
Drunken blonde: Me!
Drunken brunette: I'm sleeping.

–17th & 5th

Overheard by: Must have been a good night?

Posted on June 1, 2010
Drunks, Friendship, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

I'd Guess Lo-Fat, but I'm Not Sure.

Girl #1: Did you hear about Stacey?
Girl #2: What about her?
Girl #1: She got pregnant.
Girl #2: Oh really? What kind is it?

–NYU

Posted on May 27, 2010
Girls, Gossip, NYU, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners, in a Nutshell.

Man in car at stoplight on cell: Yeah, so I grabbed a towel for my nuts and ran down the stairs. Yes, I covered my nuts. So I run down the stairs covering my nuts with a towel because I knew where the smoke was coming from!

–127th & Lenox

Street tough to guy in wheelchair: So you kicked him in the nuts? (shrugs) Yeah, word.

–E 2nd St & Ave C

Overheard by: Ben Couch

Crazy man: Where's Howie? Where's my favorite nut-nut?

–Hanson Place

Overheard by: JBeck

Dude on cell while riding bicycle: It's hanging off your nuts?

–Williamsburg

Mom 20-something daughter heading to Penn Station: Should we grab our nuts, at least?

–7th Ave & 34th St

Overheard by: Just don't grab my nuts

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Crazies, Fire, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wheelbos, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners Will Leave You Spellbound

Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.

–Washington Square Park

Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."

–86th St Subway Station

Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Overheard by: Melissa

Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.

–50th & 9th

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bosses, Clerks, Crying, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Stupidity, Subway Stations, TV, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Questions