WTFday One-Liners

Buff guy with tattoos: I wish I could just stop time and fuck them all!

–42nd St

Mime on cell: Who the fuck is this?

–2nd Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Jesse D

Man pacing back and forth on cell: Yo! What the fuck is up with your fucking friend Chris? He just smiled at me and said "I'm going to fuck your wife tonight," and walked away laughing. What the fuck is that all about? (pause) What! You're working a double tonight? The fuck you are! Fuck this shit! I'm coming to get you after I get off.

–210th St & Bainbridge Ave

Overheard by: Gutterlush

Thug on cell: Lavender, potpourri… Whatever the fuck you want, they fucking got it.

–Washington Square Park

Guy on cell, angrily: Yeah, well, I never want to see you again because you're such a bitch. (pause) Whatever, fuck you! (pause) Fuck me? Fuck me? (changes tone) You wanna fuck me? (pause) Yeah, I wanna fuck you, baby… (pause) Yeah, okay, I'll be right back.

–Chelsea Market

Posted on June 9, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friendship, Guys, Insults, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Street, The Bronx, Threats, Thugs, Time, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

My So-Called Wednesday One-Liner

Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?

–The Library, East Village

Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Charlotte

Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: Publius

Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen

Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.

–80th St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on June 9, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, B-List, Body Parts, Central Park, Education, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Kids, Library, Moms, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, School and studying, Time, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners to Go Gaga Over

Teenage boy in suit to others: Apparently I look a lot like Lady Gaga.

–42nd St

Overheard by: model UN delegate

Elderly man to elderly woman: Gaga… What's a gaga? He went to see Lady Gaga! Gaga… Gaga? Gaga? (goes on for some minutes)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Jill

Girl to friends, all singing Lady Gaga: I just want to take her face and put it in my vagina. That's how obsessed I am with Lady Gaga.

–7th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Stephanie

Girl: Lady Gaga is not going to sit on your face.

–12th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Cass

Posted on June 9, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Names, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

It's Gonna Be Another Long Season

Co-ed: Excuse me, would you mind moving over so my friend and I can sit together?
Guy in Yankees cap: I ain't moving. You can find somewhere else to sit.
Bystander: Whoa, dude, the girl just wants to sit with her friend. Why are you being rude to her?
Guy in Yankees cap: It's my seat. I don't want to move. It's my right.
Bystander: I thought you were a Yankees fan.
Guy in Yankees cap: End of discussion.
Bystander: I thought you were a Yankees fan. You're a Yankees fan and you treat ladies like that?
Guy in Yankees cap: I ain't moving. End of discussion.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on June 7, 2010
Assholes, Friends, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Only in New York, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Yankees

His Mother Still Hasn't Forgiven Me for the DNA Test

Man, motioning to baby carriage: That yours?
Man with baby carriage, nodding sheepishly: Surprisingly, yeah.

–Broadway & 110th St

Posted on June 7, 2010
Babies, Men, Parents, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Mattel's “Fuck Math” Barbie Has Been Wildly Successful

Little boy to sister: What's the perimeter of a rectangle?
Sister: Big foot!!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on June 6, 2010
Kids, Questions, Science, Sisters, Union Square and East Village

On the Third Day, It Rises

Born again Christian missionary: Do accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Power-suited woman: Do you accept my clitoris as yours?

–F Train

Overheard by: Formfaktor

Posted on June 5, 2010
Christians, Jesus, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Vagina

That'll Change Your Minds

Wannabe hipster: Do you guys like music?
Guys: Yeah.
Wannabe hipster: Then lemme give you a copy of my CD.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: alerns

Posted on June 4, 2010
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Guys, Hipsters, Park Slope, Questions, Singing

Wednesday One-Linering Miss Daisy

Elderly lady to coughing woman sitting across the room: Do you have something in your throat? Cuz I could slap it out for you.

–Doctor's Waiting Room

Old lady to pharmacy tech: Yeah, I always have an ice cream cone when I see the truck. It's such a nice treat. (pauses) Plus, you never know–this could be my last one.

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Queens Newsbunny

Very old frail-looking woman leaving crowded train: Goddamned people and their fucking backpacks!

–6 Train

Old man on cell: Hello? (pause) I'm at the crack shack. (pause) Well, you look like a raccoon. (pause) This is the first I've been outside all year!

–Madison Square Park

Old Jewish woman, in Russian: My grandchildren are total fucks.

–Coney Island

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Coney Island, Family Ties, Food, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Jews, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Gosh, I Miss Middle School!

Drunken blonde: Are you okay?
Drunken brunette: I got locked in the bathroom!
Drunken blonde: You are so great. Can you be my assistant in life?
Drunken brunette: Let's get something to eat. Make sure I get home okay.
(blonde puts arm around brunette)
Drunken brunette: Whosa this?
Drunken blonde: Me!
Drunken brunette: I'm sleeping.

–17th & 5th

Overheard by: Must have been a good night?

Posted on June 1, 2010
Drunks, Friendship, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Questions