We're All a Few Paychecks Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: He's Indian! How can he be homeless?

–Union Square

Crazy Asian lady: I think everyone should experience jail and being homeless at least twice in life, so I need to go to jail again.

–Pinkberry, 32nd St

Suit, screaming: Why the fuck did I go to school? Look at these homeless people. They have a perfect life. Free samples at every corner. Apple Store is open 24/7, which means good shelter. Gahh!

–Union Square

Overheard by: hespeakstruth

Flamboyantly elegant gay guy to female friend: Would you rather lick this entire subway platform or have a homeless woman eat your pussy?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on June 16, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Fag Hags, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Licking, One-liners, Prison, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Always Add Up

Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don't have short term memory loss and say, "five cars, this happens all the time."

–Metro North

Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I've fucked, and have 98 kids.

–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art

Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?

–33rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Erika

Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!

–45th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Native Ear

Posted on June 16, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Friends, Gender issues, Guys, Hipsters, Hot dog stands, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Science, Sex, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Trains Not Subway, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Do This Again. 'Til Nex Time.

20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."

–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights

Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.

–St. Mark's & 1st

Overheard by: spead

White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich

Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?

–5th Ave & 90th St

30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on June 16, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, BJs, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Internet, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Lies, Marriage, Men, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pictures, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Will Mary Kate Olsen Never Graduate?

Teacher: There is a kind of poison acid found in apple seeds.
Blonde: Is that how Johnny Appleseed died?

–NYU

Posted on June 13, 2010
About Celebrities, Death, Education, Fruit, Health and Hygiene, Names, NYU, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors

Now If You Asked Where the Meth Was…

Police officer: Where's the fire?
Cab driver: What fire? I'm not a fireman!

–JFK Airport

Posted on June 11, 2010
Airports, At the Airport, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Cops, Fire, JFK Airport, Questions

You're Asking Where Here Is?

Tourist girls: Where is Soho?
Ice cream stand guy: This is Soho.
Tourist girls: No, where is Soho?

–Broome & Wooster

Posted on June 10, 2010
Directions, Global Geography, Questions, Soho, Tourism, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers

I Heard This Was a Great Party School

Male freshman: You know art really just isn't my passion.
Female freshman, shocked: You're kidding, right?

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Hating Rich People Even More

Posted on June 10, 2010
Arts & Letters, College, Questions, Students

WTFday One-Liners

Buff guy with tattoos: I wish I could just stop time and fuck them all!

–42nd St

Mime on cell: Who the fuck is this?

–2nd Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Jesse D

Man pacing back and forth on cell: Yo! What the fuck is up with your fucking friend Chris? He just smiled at me and said "I'm going to fuck your wife tonight," and walked away laughing. What the fuck is that all about? (pause) What! You're working a double tonight? The fuck you are! Fuck this shit! I'm coming to get you after I get off.

–210th St & Bainbridge Ave

Overheard by: Gutterlush

Thug on cell: Lavender, potpourri… Whatever the fuck you want, they fucking got it.

–Washington Square Park

Guy on cell, angrily: Yeah, well, I never want to see you again because you're such a bitch. (pause) Whatever, fuck you! (pause) Fuck me? Fuck me? (changes tone) You wanna fuck me? (pause) Yeah, I wanna fuck you, baby… (pause) Yeah, okay, I'll be right back.

–Chelsea Market

Posted on June 9, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friendship, Guys, Insults, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Street, The Bronx, Threats, Thugs, Time, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

My So-Called Wednesday One-Liner

Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?

–The Library, East Village

Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Charlotte

Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: Publius

Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen

Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.

–80th St & Amsterdam Ave