Salesperson to small shaking dog: Are you cold or scared?
Man holding small shaking dog: He’s afraid of dildos.
–Babeland, LES
Salesperson to small shaking dog: Are you cold or scared?
Man holding small shaking dog: He’s afraid of dildos.
–Babeland, LES
Ghetto girl #1: Oh mah gah, you remember those two girls we saw at that one club last night?
Ghetto girl #2: Which ones? The ones who were trying to pop, lock, and drop it, when they was dropping it before they was locking it?
–Starbucks, Penn Station
Overheard by: Noah Tizzle
Four-year-old, walking with father: I can spell “Ma-ma”.
Father, to himself: Bitch didn’t teach her how to spell my name, did she?
–9th St & 2nd Ave
Older woman: Oh, is this your first baby?
Young pregnant girl: No, this is my last baby!
–Times Square Station
Boy, to uninterested girl: You gotta date me! What you mean you only date 25-year-olds? Do you know what 25-year-old guys do?? They masturbate. All the time. It’s true -my dad told me.
–Fordham Road Subway Station
Overheard by: …as opposed to guys of all other ages??
Girl on cell: They keep doing it, and it’s ridiculous. I mean, they should just whack it off in the bathroom like everybody else does.
–Auditions, 35th & 8th
Chick on cell: What’s wrong with jerking off in the baggage claim at the start of a three day weekend?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Surly stocker to fellow coworker: If they keep calling me upstairs, I am not going to have time to eat, or masturbate, or anything!
–Duane Reade, 58th & 8th
Overheard by: I’m busy too
Boy on cell: I’ve never gone all the way with anyone -you know? [Pause.] … I’m just enjoying myself.
–Broadway , Near Columbia University
Overheard by: julie
Young lawyer: My little boy finally made the transition from diapers to "big boy" underwear. On his first day back to pre-school he dropped his trousers and showed the whole class his lightning McQueens.
Young lawyer: … And it created a domino effect of three-year-olds showing their undies.
–6 Train
Overheard by: POLA
Chick on cell: Better underwear than meth!
–Harlem
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boyfriend to girlfriend looking at lingerie in window: It’s kind of cold for that.
–University & 9th
Overheard by: Mary Crippen
Skank: So I’m thinking "Now I’ve got to get rid of those panties!"
–54th & 9th
Overheard by: thats gross
Earnest teen chick, calling to retreating waitress: Do you sell thongs? I’m serious, I really need them!
–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square
Overheard by: Amanda
Man getting into elevator: … And she was all like "Hi, whatchu doin’?" And I was like "Whaaaat?" I didn’t know what to say, she was all over me, I could see her panties. [Everyone in elevator looks at him and laughs a little.] I mean, come on, we’re all adults in here. What was I supposed to do? Smile? Say "Hi" back?
–Elevator, Empire State Building
Man coming out of ATM: They’re all out of service.
Girl #1: All of them?
Man: Yup!
Girl #1: Well now what?
Girl #2: People in New York are so fricking cheerful, it makes me nauseous.
–9th & University
Rich lady #1: Hi! How was the funeral?
Rich ladies #2 and #3, carrying shopping bags: Oh… We didn’t make it to the funeral. We got caught up shopping instead.
–Tea & Sympathy
Young Canadian tourist boy: Did you just fart?
Sister, sternly: Shhhh Dylan! We’re in America now.
–Macy’s
Woman: Thank god it’s Friday!
Subway janitor: Actually, Friday is my Monday.
Woman: [Thinks for a while.] Well, how was your weekend?
–6 Train Station
