Some Potty Humor, Courtesy of Wednesday One-Liners

Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere?

–Port Authority

12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross.

–Eddie’s Sweet Shop

Overheard by: Yorick

Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream!

–W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Maya G.

Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night?

–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall

Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought?

–Javits Convention Center

Overheard by: Hector

Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks.

–A Train

Posted on July 26, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Coworkers, Drunks, Etiquette, Friends, Girls, Guys, Homeless, Kink, Men, Money & Class, NYU, On the Subway, Pee, Poop, Port Authority, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits, The Village, Tweens, Weirdness, West Village, Women

And Having a Ball Together

Teenage Guy: Hahaha, I just put my sac on your arm!
Teenage Girl: What the fuck do you think gives you the right to do that?
Teenage Guy: Well, we’re dating, aren’t we?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Snow White

Posted on July 26, 2015
Balls, Central Park, Dating, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Parks, Questions, Teens

Going to Congress?

Girl: Dude, why are you holding a stick?
Guy: It's a wand. Fuck you.

–Bryant Park

Posted on July 26, 2015
Bryant Park, Girls, Guys, Insults, Magic, Questions

The Sequel to Clue Left a Lot to Be Desired

Hipster girl: Oh, by the way: why did your place smell like piss?
Hipster guy: Matt* got drunk and pissed everywhere last night.
Hipster girl: And when you say Matt* you mean you?
Hipster guy: Yeah, I might.

–Lorimer St

Posted on July 26, 2015
Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Lies, Pee, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences

That's Why You're in the Bathroom Line?

British girl: So, why are you here?
White British guy with headband, wearing an afghan: To spread joy throughout the world.
British girl: …ah.

–E 15th St

Overheard by: Someone who certainly felt joy after overhearing this

Posted on July 25, 2015
Brits, Default, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Questions, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, White People

Why John Bought a Laser Pointer

(attractive girls are sitting to the right)
Guy #1: Yo, look at 3 o'clock.
Guy #2: Nah, dude what are you taking about… It is 1:30.
Guy #1: I mean the 3 o'clock direction!
Guy #2: Oh!… Wait, the hour hand or the minute hand?

–Baruch College, 25th St

Overheard by: Richard Parker

Posted on July 25, 2015
Advice, College, Default, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Stupidity, Time, Words

Anyone Else Wish He'd Just Smoke the Crack Already?

Baseball fan #1: Oh, I'm going to get laid tonight.
Baseball fan #2: Are you going to call Alice?
Baseball fan #1: Oh no, you don't understand my life, man! I've got this girl who just sits on a milk crate and sucks my cock!
Baseball fan #2: Dude!
Baseball fan #2: Where does she do this? On a crate? What?
Baseball fan #1: You don't understand my life, man! She just does it wherever! I'm literally ready to smoke crack at any minute!
Baseball fan #2: Man, we don't want to know.
Baseball fan #1: I'm ready to smoke crack at any minute! You just can't control these things.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: simon