Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too!
–Wagner College
Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.
–Winter Garden Theatre
Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Sunny
Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: David
Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!
–Grand Central
Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.
–44th St & Broadway
Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?"
–59th St & Lexington
Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?
–Brooklyn College
Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: christopher james
Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.
–F Train
White NYU law student #1: Yeah, so I'm taking a bunch of constitutional classes. I'm gonna focus on constitutional law.
White NYU law student #2: Yeah, I took this amazing course on the 14th Amendment…
White NYU law student #1: Which one was that again?
–Christopher St
Overheard by: White, but knew that
(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?
–47th & Madison
Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?
–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Didn't want the details
Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski
Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.
–Willets Point, Queens
Overheard by: Random Asian Chick
American grad student: Should I be in a fetish video?
French grad student: What would be the point?
American grad student: What do you mean? It’s a fetish video.
French grad student: But what would be the point? What’s the thesis?
–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: The Evil Triangle
Guy: Dude, have you ever tried to jack off twice in 20 minutes?
–Columbia University
NYU boy #1: The French used to be all militaristic, like, back in the time of Napoleon.
NYU boy #2: Yeah, but now they’re just all about wine and cheese.
NYU boy #1: Yeah… Cheese is good, though.
NYU boy #2: True, very true.
–Silver Center, NYU
Overheard by: Sam
Male student #1: It’s not easy.
Male student #2: Nothing is easy. (pause) Some things are simple.
Male student #1: Oh, sure.
Male student #2: But nothing is easy. (pause) I have no idea where I’m going.
–NYU Campus
Overheard by: zelda
Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this?
–Scholastic Store, Soho
Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin?
–Leon M. Goldstein High School
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station…
Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?
–Canal Street Station
Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here?
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: fellow customer
Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that?
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: sarahjane
Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon.
–Barnard College
Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: John David
Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin!
–Nassau & Fulton
Overheard by: Tigertail
First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: bunbury
Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right?
–70th & Broadway
