Students

Wednesday One-Liners Are My Anti-Drug

Hot black girl: Where did summer go? Now we're all back to wearing glasses and snorting Adderall… or taking it with water.

–24th St & 3rd Ave

Guy to friend: If I just gave up speed I'd totally be getting more ass.

–Bleecker & LaGuardia

Overheard by: Jack

Guy to another: Yeah, so you take a gram of coke, then mix it with a ground-up Xanax, then mash up an E. Then you put it all into pill form, and down it with a Sparks!

–N Train

Architecture professor: Everything in moderation… except for heroin. Heroin, you go for the gusto.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

The Results of Ann's Word-Association Test Would Haunt Her Throughout Her Career

Nursing student #1: What about backpacks?
Nursing student #2: Mmm…Nazis.

–Wagner College

… I Guess I’ll Be Gay This Year

Dude #1: What? You want me to take my clothes off?
Dude #2: No, I– [Dude #1 begins to disrobe.] Never mind.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: Not really, no.

Take Me Out to the Wednesday One-Liner Game

Drunk NYU dude: You guys know that loose skin around your shaft or whatever? Push it over the tip of your dick. It feels like you have three balls. Three balls! Fucking sweet!

–NYU

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Dude: I swear to god dude, I can feel my balls moving from side to side today!

–5th Ave

Hipster girl: Balls have no place in my mouth. Gum, chicken, or any other kind.

–F Train

Overheard by: Teabag

Loud fat black chick : I wanna kiss the balls of the person who made these cookies.

–Broadway

Overheard by: sounds yummy

Meathead on cell: I got some good shit for you for the gym. Shoot this shit in your ass three times a week and you'll look like The Incredible Hulk in no time… I can't believe you're doing all this stuff to impress your wife. We'll see how impressed she is when you don't have any balls anymore because you're on steroids. Who knows, maybe she'll start fucking me instead.

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: vicky

Guy on phone: I know classical music well enough to know that Vivaldi had no balls.

–42nd St & 10th Ave

Every Episode Of The Simple Life, in a Nutshell

Rich high-school girl #1: We should totally do this more often, like go to Philadelphia for the day.
Rich high-school girl #2: Totally! Where is Philadelphia, anyway? Is it next to Pennsylvania?
Rich high-school girl #1: Yeah, I think so…
Rich high-school girl #2: So then, where's Alabama?

–Megabus

Overheard by: appalled

I Don't Know What That Has to Do with Photosynthesis, But Good Question

NYU student: Are mountain goats agile?
Professor: Hell yeah!

–Mercer Street

Something for Which One Would Have to Pay Extra

Freshman girl: I really like this guy…but he's like 28.
Freshman boy: I'm pretty sure that's illegal.
Freshman girl: What do you mean?
Freshman boy: Like, really illegal. Even in Russia.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Loverparty

Just Use Your New York Instincts and You’ll Do Fine

Student: Um, would we really use the extremely polite form with random strangers on the street?
Japanese teacher, exuberantly: Oh yes, definitely.
Class: [Laughter.]Japanese teacher: I’m not kidding, you don’t want to make them think you like them or want to get close to them… they’re a stranger! You want to keep as much emotional distance from them as possible.

–Japanese Class, Columbia University

Overheard by: Vicksburg

More Like Upside Down

Med student guy #1: Wait up, you’re saying that nearsighted means you can’t see far? But it should, like, mean that you can’t see near.
Med student guy #2: Yeah, I know, it’s like backwards or something.

–Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Center, West 168th Street

Choreography in One Lesson

Girl: The problem is her butt isn’t on his neck while she’s spinning around his head.
Boy: Well, she needs to arch her back more. Problem solved. Did you do the crossword?

–Juilliard cafeteria

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