We Took the Trail to Get Here

College girl #1: Which way to the Eiffel Tower?
Suit, puzzled, pointing East: That way?
College girl #2: How far is it?
Suit: … About three thousand miles.
College girl #1: No! No! [Makes peak with fingertips of both hands.] The… Eiffel… Tower!
Suit: Yeah, that way about three thousand miles — across the Atlantic Ocean — in Paris.
College girl #2, also making peak with hands: No! No! It’s a… It’s a… The Empire State Building!
Suit, pointing at looming Empire State Building: The Empire State Building is right there.
College girl #2: You have to excuse us — we’re from Oregon.

–45th & 5th

Posted on March 8, 2008
Default, Directions, Girls, Global Geography, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Tourists

Dude, She’s from Jersey — Don’t Fuck with Her

Drunk NYU kid #1: Hey, sweet dog.
Janeane Garofalo: Oh, thank you.
Drunk NYU kid #2: Bro, that was Janeane Garofalo.
Drunk NYU kid #1: Really? Hey, are you Janeane Garofalo?
Janeane Garofalo: Yes.

–8th & University

Overheard by: persiangroove

Posted on March 7, 2008
A-List, About Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Movies, Students

Wednesday One-Liners Should Be the City’s Official Animal

Bronx-born bartender: Theses mouses is gangstas up in here!

–Bar, Gramercy Park

Overheard by: Johnny Progrums

Hispanic kid in group: Gah! Not only do they have rats, but they have immigrants!

–34th St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Black queer on cell, flailing arms as rat crosses his path: Oh my god, a giant rat just went by! It was as large as a purse!

–93rd & Broadway

Woman on phone: … So they said, ‘If you found a rat, then you got a free taco…’

–92nd & Lex

Overheard by: Lost my craving for Mexican for dinner

NYU chick: Is that like a rat that masturbates?!

–Carlyle residence hall, Union Square

Overheard by: j

Posted on March 5, 2008
Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Ethnic Food, Gripes, Kids, Latinos, Masturbation, On Cell, Queer guys, Questions, Students, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Then What’s with This Erotic Stick Figure?

Spanish teacher, reading student’s homework: What?! What is this?! Novia? You’re going to ride your girlfriend?
Student: Doesn’t that mean ‘ferris wheel’?

–Stuyvesant High

Overheard by: No, he meant girlfriend

Posted on March 4, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Education, Language Barrier, School, Students, Teachers/Professors

And Boots of Spanish Leather — What’s Your Point?

Guy with curly black hair: I’m not Jewish!
Friend: Sure you are — you have Bob Dylan hair.

–Stuyvesant High

Overheard by: It Takes A Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Stereotype

Posted on February 25, 2008
About Celebrities, Comebacks, Default, Friends, Guys, Judaism, Music, Students, Stuyvesant Town

I Like Being Able to Fast-Forward

Nerd chick: So, are you gonna see Ahmadinejad speak today, or go to the rally or anything?
Bimbette: Nah… I thought maybe I would, but then I realized I could totally just wait ’til it comes out on YouTube or whatever. It’s like, why even bother?

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on February 24, 2008
Bimbettes, Columbia (& Barnard), Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Internet, President, Students, Stupidity

Dude, at Least Read Harry Potter or Something

Guy #1: Dude, are you studying?
Guy #2, not looking up from Game Boy: Fuckin’ Pokemons… Gotta catch ’em all.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Mark Pancho

Posted on February 23, 2008
Default, Guys, Library, Students, Video Games

Which Explains Why I’m So Unrealistic

Girl #1: I really like where I live now. Where do you want to live after school? Brooklyn Heights?
Girl #2: I want to live on the Upper East Side, far away from the subway… I plan on cabbing everywhere.
Girl #1: That can get really expensive.
Girl #2: I lived frugally all through undergrad. I plan on living large.
Girl #1: What are you studying, again?
Girl #2: Literature.

–26th & 1st

Overheard by: goodbye blue monday

Posted on February 23, 2008
Default, Education, Girls, Gripes, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, Students, Wishes & desires

Heave-Ho, Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl to friend passed out on stoop: Michelle! Michelle! I’ma take your picture for your MySpace page! Throw up again!

–University & E 9th St

Overheard by: Thompson

Chick: It’s not like I miss my parents or anything, but it’s just that the toilets here are so gross to throw up in.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Mark Jochens

Vomiting thugette: I don’t even know what that is… Oh, God, that’s pizza!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: traPt

Cute chick: I was way too drunk to do anything but have sex, throw up a pizza burger, and take a shower… in that order.

–The Black Sheep, 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Argopelter

Student to another: I dunno… All I heard is that he threw up all over his daughter’s teacher!

–Mercer University

Overheard by: J Dawg

Conductor: Hey, here’s a novel idea — if you have to vomit, vomit on yourself! Not on the ground, on yourself!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dave

Posted on February 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Conductors, Girls, Gossip, Gripes, Idiots, Junk Food & Fast Food, Myspace, Nostalgia, Sex, Students, Stupidity, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vomit

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He’s little and green.

–NYU

12-year-old boy: I’m in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.

–E 20th St

Overheard by: Dia

Customer to cashier: Frodo, it’s been real.

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I Am McLovey

Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin’ chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That’s some bullshit.

–189th & Bathgate

Overheard by: Lyle

Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York — filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!

–6 train

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Crazy, Customers, Gripes, Hobos, Holidays, Kids, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On the Subway, Philosophy, Race, Staten Island, Store, Students, Thugs, Time

Students