Teen boy: “Romanian”? What’s that, Italian?
–N train
Teen boy: “Romanian”? What’s that, Italian?
–N train
Jersey tourist: It's so confusing that on the train first goes Newark Penn Station followed by New York Penn Station.
New Yorker: It's to weed out the weak.
–Mulberry Street
Fat tourist: Exactly, like, I know Disney trivia, but of course I don't know general trivia.
–Ellis Island
Overheard by: Cat
Female tourist with Irish accent, reading leaflet: Jaysas lads, it only took them 14 months to build this, I wonder if it's okay like.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: joanie
Tourist gazing up at the Empire State Building: They sure could fit a lotta hay in there!
–Outside Empire State Building
Overheard by: Duppy
Tourist: Where do they keep the cemeteries around here?
–Next to St. Paul's Cemetery/Church
Female tourist: Oh my god, I can't believe we're on the 6… Just like J.Lo.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Courtney C.
Overzealous British tourist father, pointing at map: Okay, everyone. We're passing by Madison Square Gardens. They must be lovely at this time of year. We're on the Metropolitan Line, see? The Met Line. Just like in London. We're going to get off at Rector Street. It's the last stop before Brooklyn, so if we miss our stop, we'll be in Brooklyn, and we don't want that! Look, now there are no more numbers. When there are no more numbers in the station names, that means we're at the bottom of the underground. Oh, look, it's Chinatown. This is where all the orientals get off.
–R Line
Overheard by: office peon is one of those Orientals…
Female tourist: Know what? Fuck it, I just want to go back to my hotel room and take a shit.
–Canal St
Chick: I don’t know what is wrong with her, she was acting so
agnoxious.
–Office, Madison & 38th
Hipster guy: Whenever they build a new road, it should be the blankth street ever made. 34th Street should be the 34th street ever built.
–C train
Overheard by: A. Magnus
Fat girl: When I used to play Scrabble just for the words, I sucked.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Gregorio
Chick: Oh my god, you’re so stupid. Canal Street isn’t in Chinatown; it’s in English, how could it be Chinatown?
–N train
Overheard by: Steph Lo
Drunk girl: I didn’t have an ego until I started doing acid. My friend and I, we would just sit around and do acid and talk about how cool we were. We had this thing called “P.A.S.” that stood for “Phat As Shit.” We’d be like, “We…are P.A.S.”
–Uncle Ming’s, Avenue B
Homie: Yo, you see that shit on Family Guy? That nigga Quagmire be funny, son! That “giggity giggity” shit! Yo son, that nigga tied up a cheerleader and shit and always be trying to nail the little bitch.
–N train
White woman to friend: Wow, this is a great place to meet straight people!
–Madison Square Garden
Dude to female passenger: If I was straight, I'd be hitting that, but I'm not straight, so I won't be hitting that.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Maggie
Yelling blonde: What's my type? He should be straight, that's my type.
–68th & Columbus
Amateur philosopher: If I wasn't straight, I'd totally be gay.
–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Headaches
Teen girl to friend: They're not gay! They're just old!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Peter
Woman: So, what does Les Miserables translate into? “The Miserables”?
Man: Uh, yeah. Isn’t that obvious? It’s Spanish!
–Les Miserables, Theater
Overheard by: hjane
Blonde #1: I met Kelly in Portland.
Blonde #2: Which Portland?
Blonde #1: What are you talking about?
Blonde #2: Well there are two: one on the east coast, one on the west coast.
(long silence)
Blonde #1: You know, it’s not funny to lie all the time like that.
–Houston St
Chick #1: I think Moron Titty is a great code name. Like, if you go into the CIA? I think you should be Agent Moron Titty.
Chick #2: Yeah, my nipples have an I.Q. of, like, 75.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: djlindee
Fat tourist: A, I hate Spongebob. B, I’ll see you over the summer.
–R train
Overheard by: Laurea de Ocampo
Hipster chick #1: Did you get to use the bathroom?
Hipster chick #2: No! They said it was for patrons only.
Hipster chick #3: What’s a patron?
Hipster chick #2: I dunno. I think it has something to do with being in the army.
–45th & Broadway
