Wednesday H1N1-Liners

Sick girl: I probably don't have swine flu…but I was in Brooklyn last night.

–90th St & Lexington

Overheard by: UESider

Woman on cell: What's with this pig virus thing going around? It's killing people in Mexico, Europe, here in Queens… (pause) Do that many people eat bacon?

–55th & Madison

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

High school student, watching overheated and smoking car: What the fuck is this shit?! Dat nigga's muffler got dat swine flu!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Ben

Hipster guy on cell: Oh, your enthusiasm is just like the swine flu!

–22nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: BL

Amateur rapper, walking down street: If you got the swine flu, bitch, stay outta my hood! Cause the sun it is shinin' and I'm feelin' so good.

–188th St & Washington Ave

Hipster guy: Abby is a total germophobe. She was like, "what have you eaten lately?" and I was like, "a raw pig from Mexico. Is that bad?"

–76th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on September 23, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Fears, Food, Girls, Happiness, Hipsters, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Musicians, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Questions, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

That’s More of a Blowjob Than a Root Canal

Guy: I do know a lot about plastic compounds. I think I could perform basic dentistry. I mean all they do is drill a little and then put some goo in your teeth, right?

–1/9 train

Overheard by: Jason Strom

(Another reader overheard it a little differently.)

Posted on September 23, 2014
BJs, Guys, Idiots, Medicine, On the Subway, Stupidity

“There's No Wednesday One-Linering in Baseball!”

Dad to whiny three-year-old daughter: And now you're going to try and manipulate me by crying.

–186th St & Ft. Washington Ave

Girl to friends: That's just the way the world is. You don't see me cryin' whenever someone calls me a fat bitch or a short bitch or an ugly bitch…

–23rd & 8th

15-year-old boy: Yo, I'd cry if that happened to me, but I'm just sensitive like that.

–A Train

Overheard by: pop pop

Girl: And then you know I take out my yo-yo and start dancing. And then you know I'm multi-tasking! I'm yo-yoing, dancing and crying all at the same time!

–LaGuardia High School

Woman on cell: Alex, stop crying. Stop crying. What about the breadsticks, were there at least breadsticks?

–34th & 6th

Posted on September 23, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crying, Dads, Dancing, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Knowing the Answers is the Point of a Test

Tween girl #1: So did you pick London for question #7?
Tween girl #2: Yeah, I think so. I think I did really well.
Tween girl #1: Yeah, me too. I just hope we don’t have to take the test again.
Tween girl #2: Why would we have to take it again?
Tween girl #1: Well, if they get three or more lawsuits, they have to give everybody the test again.
Tween girl #2: But if they give it again, won’t we know the answers? Are you saying they give us the 8th grade test?
Tween girl #1: No, they give us the 7th grade test.
Tween girl #2: So won’t everyone know the answers?
Tween girl #1: No, I think they give us next year’s 7th grade test, so we wouldn’t know the answers.

–1 train

Overheard by: Starbuck Venice

Posted on September 22, 2014
Elementary & Middle School, On the Subway, Stupidity, Teens

The Jeremy-Said-So Defense Totally Stands Up in Court

Teen #1: Is it legal for someone to fuck someone under 18?
Teen #2: Uh, I think so.
Teen #1: Oh, okay.

–7th & Broadway

Posted on September 22, 2014
Age/Aging, Crime and Punishment, Questions, Sex, Stupidity, Teens, The Village

New York City Subway Stories

Conductor #1: This is 34th Street. Transfer is available to the B, Q, D…B…Q…Penn Station…D–
Conductor #2: Move over. D, Q, N, R. Stand clear.

–F train

Overheard by: Cole Couture

Hipster: Did the train just pass 28th street?
Woman: Yes, it went express, but you could get off at 14th and switch to the uptown train.
Homeboy: Or you could take your chances, break the window with a crowbar and jump out now.

–1 train

Overheard by: Hayley

Man: This won’t do. All bad smelling people get the hell off the train.

At the next stop most of the car clears out.

Man: That’s what I’m talking about.

–A train

A Black kid and his Hispanic girlfriend are arguing on the train. The kid is holding her in the seat and she is trying to rip off his shirt. The entire car is watching, as if it were a car wreck.

Hispanic girl: You’re always showing off!
Black kid: What?
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black kid: Stop it!
Hispanic girl: Get off me!
Black passenger guy: Man, why’s it always gotta be our people pulling this shit? You never see White people pulling this shit. You never see Chinese people pulling this shit. Man!

–C train

Two women were sitting next to each other, one clearly from New York, the other not. The tourist woman gestured with her chin at the conductor’s booth and asked: Is that the bathroom?

–A train

Posted on September 21, 2014
Black People, Conductors, Hipsters, Latinos, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Race, Relationships, Scents of the City, Stupidity, Tourists

Like the British Invasion Itself

NYU chick as “Back in the USSR” plays: Why are they playing so much 80s music?
NYU dude: It's cool, it's The Beatles.
NYU chick: Such a weird song, like Russia's all great or something.
NYU dude: I think it's supposed to be ironic.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Posted on September 21, 2014
Idiots, Music, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Weirdness

His Dream Is to Fuck a Brain in a Jar / Stephen Hawking

Guy: I am sapien-sexual. That means I am into minds, not bodies!
Bimbette: I’ve never been into vocabulary.

–11th & University

Overheard by: Maggie

Posted on September 21, 2014
Bimbettes, Default, Guys, Relationships, Stupidity, The Village, Words

Please Silence Your Phone During the Wednesday One-Liners

Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating… And not just because there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.

–Third Avenue

Guy to self: Brokeback mountain… Starring Hillary Clinton!

–Herald Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever

Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought "No Country for Old Men" was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.

–SoHo

Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.

–24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore

Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed

Creepy hipster: You’d think you can’t have sex to "Silence of the Lambs"…

–Huron St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Dude on cell: If you like murder, you’re gonna love this movie!

–48 Bus

Posted on September 21, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Penis, Politics, Preppies, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thugs, Vendors & Street Performers

Blondie is a Group

The bartender is wearing a Blondie shirt.

Guy: Do you even know who Blondie is? Do you know who JFK is?
Bartender: Were you even alive when JFK was alive?
Guy: I’ll bet you were born in 1982.
Bartender: Did anyone ever tell you how charming you are?
Guy: No!

–The Library, Avenue A

Posted on September 21, 2014
Assholes, Bartenders, Clothing, Guys, History & Geography, Library, Music, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

Stupidity