Wednesday One-Liners from Beyond the NYC Event Horizon

Five-year-old girl, holding her nose, to mother: It smells here! It smells like New Jersey! Mommy! It smells like New Jersey!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Cicero

Teenager: Oh, wow, I didn't know New Jersey had any buildings.

–Christopher St. Pier

Girl on cell: I think I slept with a whore. Then I woke up in Jersey.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Rachel

Crazy-sounding drunk girl: Ewww, why are there so many people from New Jersey here?

–Bowery & E 4th

Overheard by: do they emit a particular odor?

NYU guy trying to impress girls: My dad actually grew up right around here. Well…in New Jersey.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Girl sitting on raised metal platform on front deck to friend: Hey, do you want to turn around? We're looking at Jersey again.

–NYU LSP Boat Cruise

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village

Oh, I Wouldn't Go That Far

Dude: So I was like, “Whoa!”
Chick: And then I was like, “Whoa!”
Dude: And then we were both like, “Whoa!”

–Caesar's Bay, Brooklyn

Posted on June 30, 2009
Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, Stupidity, Words

I Wasn't Always a Security Guard, Y'know

Girl selling at bake sale #1: This is so stupid. No one wants anything.
Security guard: That's cause you're doin' it all wrong.
Girl selling at bake sale #2: Oh yeah? What should we do?
Security guard: Next person that passes, be like “Yo! I got your brownie!” then when they come over, give it to them and be like “Aight, that's two dollars.”

–Manhattan College, The Bronx

Posted on June 30, 2009
Advice, College, Food, Gripes, Money & Class, Questions, Security Guards, Stupidity, The Bronx, Vendors & Street Performers

Translation: “Just Google It, You Lazy Ho.”

Girl to cashier: Do you have any locations in North Carolina?
Cashier to girl: No, we only have locations on the East and West coasts.

–Store, Grand Central

Posted on June 29, 2009
Cashiers, Girls, Grand Central, Offers and requests, Store, Stupidity, Train Station, U.S. Geography

I Feel Smarter Just Being Here

Gay guy, going through Miro exhibit: Are these paintings still Miro's?
Blonde hag: Oh no, I don't think so. It says here they're Pastel's.

–MoMA

Posted on June 28, 2009
Fag Hags, MoMA, Queer guys, Questions, Stupidity, Visual Art, Words

Nor the Laws Of Time and Space

Tourist #1, looking at subway exits: North side or south side?
Tourist #2: What's the difference?
Tourist #1: Well north is north…and south is south.
(both look from one exit to the next and look at each other)
Passing New Yorker: Are you going uptown or downtown?
Tourist #1, thinking: Hmmmm….west.
New yorker: West of 8th…but uptown or downtown? West side of what street?
Tourist #1: Hmm… West side of…23rd Street?
New Yorker, walking away: You don't know what the hell you're doing.

–23rd St

Posted on June 28, 2009
Directions, NYC Geography, Questions, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

Was That Before or After the Ghostbusters Took Over the Statue Of Liberty?

Girl: Ohhhh, this is the building that King Kong climbed up, right?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Wow. That would have been so scary to live here when that happened!

–In Line for Elevator at Empire State Building

Overheard by: Bella

Posted on June 26, 2009
Elevators, Empire State Building, Fears, Girls, Guys, Movies, Questions, Stupidity

Like When My Girlfriend Said She's Slept with 3 Dozen People

Professor, holding up student's essay: This person made over three dozen grammatical errors on their essay.
Student, to another next to him: Oh my god…that means twelve!

–John Jay College

Overheard by: Erica