Four-year-old #1: Ice cream makes your head fall off.
Four-year-old #2: No, it doesn’t.
Four-year-old #1: It was just an expression, asshole.
Four-year-old #2, to his dog: Don’t let him pet you.
–Central Park
Overheard by: amused tourist
Four-year-old #1: Ice cream makes your head fall off.
Four-year-old #2: No, it doesn’t.
Four-year-old #1: It was just an expression, asshole.
Four-year-old #2, to his dog: Don’t let him pet you.
–Central Park
Overheard by: amused tourist
Euro hipster #1: I got the soles of my shoes fixed.
Euro hipster #2: Your what?
Euro hipster #1 #1: You know, the soles of my shoes. The bottoms.
Euro hipster #2: I do not know this word.
Euro hipster #1: You know, S-O-U-L.
Euro hipster #2: Ah, like ass-soul?
–New York Sports Club, Astoria
Overheard by: Lizzy Vegas
Guy: Well, William can be Bill, Robert can be Bob, and John can be Jack.
Girl: John can be Jack?
Guy: Yeah, you know, like sometimes John Kennedy was called Jack Kennedy.
Girl: Then why did they call him Robert?
–Diner, 22nd & 3rd
Teen in sideways cap: I touched it, but I didn't like it.
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: Ladle
Student: Dude, I think I'm dyslexic with stairs.
–Stuyvesant High School
Teen, seriously: No… Webkinz are definitely a lot more high-maintenance then neopets.
–Downtown 6 Train
Teenage boy: I want to be a Senator or something like that. Like, the Government is the best place to have sex.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Punk teen to friends: Even though it seemed like she was into things, now she's not into anything.
–Union Square
Overheard by: i don't like stuff either
Guy #1: Yeah, Iceland has a small Southeast Asian population. Mostly Vietnamese.
Guy #2: Why?
Guy #1: I’m not sure.
Guy #2: Maybe Vietnam was an Icelandic colony.
Guy #1: I really doubt it, idiot.
–52nd & 6th
Man with bongo: Who's that baby mama?! Who's that baby mama?!
Man with bongo, putting on blonde wig: I'm that baby mama! I'm that baby mama!
Man with bongo: Who's that baby daddy?! Who's that baby daddy?!
Man with bongo, taking off blonde wig: I'm that baby daddy! I'm that baby daddy!
–F Train
Overheard by: Leise
Ghetto girl: Yo, I didn't realize your birthday was on the day you were actually born on.
Friend: Seriously?!
–E Train
Overheard by: Squiggle
Old man: So where are you from?
Barber: Russia.
Old man: Oh yes, they have a lot of money there in Russia.
Barber: No, very poor.
Old man: Where in Russia are you from?
Barber: Uzbekistan.
Old man: Oh! So you're from the boondocks? Your country would be like the boondocks to Russia.
Barber: I lived in a city.
Old man: A city? You mean you didn't grow up on a farm?
Barber: No.
Old man: You didn't have livestock?
Barber: Yes. We had pigs and chickens.
Old man: Pigs are great. But pig urine smells awful. And chickens are stupid. They will lie back with their mouths open and drown in a rainstorm.
Barber: Yes, chickens are stupid. I named them after my sisters.
–E 9th & Ave A
Thug: So, if I’m half black and half American Indian, that makes me Puerto Rico.
Thugette: I told you that you was Puerto Rican.
–149th & 3rd, Bronx
Headline by: Mariya
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, it makes you unemployed” – Mr. Bone
· “Bitch, don’t be callin’ me no adjectival form!” – was “rico”/”rican” the first thing you noticed too?
· “Dora the Explorer: South Bronx Edition” – Scott
· “Runs With Hookers didn’t excel in Ethnic Studies” – bri b
· “The new theory of relativity” – sara swank
