That’ll Teach Vito to Blab to the Feds

Drunk white dude: We saw this fuckin’ rat in our pantry, so I whisper over to my roommate, ‘Dude, dude! There’s a fucking rat in the pantry!’ So I, like, grab a butter knife and shit, and like, I stabbed it! I fuckin’ stabbed that fuckin’ rat!
Black chick: Wow! Did you kill it?
Drunk white dude: Nah, it like, bled a lot and shit, so we threw it in the dumpster. I tried to, like, smash its skull, but I couldn’t do it.
Drunk white girl, not part of their conversation: Shut the fuck up!

–8th St station

Posted on June 29, 2015
Animals & Nature, Drunks, Stab, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

My Partially Retarded Father

Boy: Hey Dad, you wanna hear what I learned today? “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas”, and every word tells you the name of a planet! Wanna try it? OK, I’ll say the word, and you tell me which planet it means. Ready? My…
Father: Mars.
Boy: Right. Very…
Father: Venus.
Boy: Uh huh. Educated…
Father: Uh…Earth?
Boy: Yep. Mother…
Father: The Moon.
Boy: Yep.

–7 train

Overheard by: Mikey

Boy on cell: We took the bus to 9th Avenue and I saw a guy lying there with only one shoe on. My dad said that’s what happens when you don’t go to school.

–42nd & 9th

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon

Posted on June 24, 2015
Dads, Education, Hobos, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Parents, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Do They Evince Discriminatory Animus against Persons of Color?

Schoolboy in uniform, passing two cops: Run, Alisha! It’s the po-po! Run!
Schoolgirl: What?
Schoolboy: We’re black! Run!

–14th & 8th station

Overheard by: warrfree

Posted on June 24, 2015
Black People, Cops, Kids, Race, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

This Round's on Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.

–53rd Street E Station

Overheard by: SJG

Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.

–Lorimer & Union

Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!

–2nd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: dazed and confused

Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.

–93rd & 2nd

Overheard by: brian w

Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.

–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!

–4 Train

Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo

Posted on June 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

But With Some Curtains, a Fresh Coat of Paint…

Tourist: Wow, it’s like a whole underground city thing here!
Local: I dont know any freaks who would want to live in a city like this.

–Times Square subway station

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on June 18, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Times Square, Tourists

I Was Raised on Baby Mojitos

Fat queer to lady with baby in carrier: Oooh! That’s the kind of job I want. Get carried around all day and sleep whenever you want!
Baby daddy: Yeah! And suck on boobies all day!
Fat queer: Ewww!

–York St station

Posted on June 18, 2015
Comebacks, Compliments, Dads, Default, Fat People, Queer guys, Rack, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wishes & desires

Ever Wonder Why They Call the Train Driver a ‘Conductor’?

Crazy man: [gibbering]Sane man: Man, you’re crazy.
Crazy man: I’m not crazy. I’m just an instrument out of tune!

–2 train

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on June 17, 2015
Crazies, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Words

How Was Your Mother's Day, New York?

Toddler waiting for subway with mom: I need a snack.
Mother: You need a smack!

–Franklin Ave

Overheard by: Danielle

Posted on June 16, 2015
Brooklyn, Food, Kids, Moms, Parents, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Violence

The Torch Has Been Passed

Guy: Have you seen Torch?
Girl: Oh, he dead. He fell out a window.
Guy: Ohhhh shit!

–D train

Overheard by: dopepope

Posted on June 15, 2015
Death, Friends, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

PETA-Approved Wednesday One-Liners

HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks.

–E train

Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished.

–Small diner, Chinatown

Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it.

–112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Gigi

Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish.

–Rue 57, 57th & 6th

Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex!

–F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave

Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection?

Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?