Teen boy #1: My mom is suing her workplace.
Teen boy #2: Why?
Teen boy #1: She has to drive for her job, and she hurt her back driving.
Teen boy #2: For a million?
Teen boy #1: Haha, maybe.
Teen boy #2: Wow, then she’ll be richer.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Emily
Teenage half-virgin boy: Did you know the official definition of an orgy is three people sitting in a room with their socks off?
Teenage one-quarter-virgin girl: No way! Then we have orgies all the time!
–SoHo
Overheard by: disgusted old lady.
Female future-voter #1: Saddam should be tortured and cut up into pieces instead of being in jail comfortably.
Female future-voter #2: Wait, didn’t Saddam die of cancer a little while ago?
Female future-voter #1: Oh my God, did he? Are you sure?!
Female future-voter #2: I was sure, but now I’m not so sure.
Female future-voter #1: You know who else died recently? Aaron Spelling!
Female future-voter #2: No way!
–28th & Lex
Mother: It’s ok, honey.
Teenager: I just feel like a slut.
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: DaFunk
Guy: All we’re gonna do anyway is drink in my basement. Fuckin’ suburbia.
–W 4th & Mercer
Teen girl: And he was like, “You people from Connecticut, all you ever do is drink cocktails and text-message each other.”
–Uptown 2 train
Ditzy girl: It’s like…like the herbal tea of beers.
–House of Brews, 51st & 8th
Overheard by: Just Trying to Watch the Game in Peace
Teenage guy: Dude, you can’t get married. You’re going to college. There’s gonna be a lot of girls and beer. Every day.
–Middletown Rd & Crosby Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: christine
Girl on phone: What do you mean she’s not drunk yet?
–Mo Pitkins, 2nd St & Ave A
Overheard by: sarah
Guy: We’re going to strap the beer to the dog, and go down to the Ho Chi Minh Trail, and camp out by the railroad tracks.
–Ave A
Overheard by: Cory
Guy: I would rather be poor and not famous than famous and poor…I drank a lot today, but I am not drunk.
–7 train
Guy on phone: Did you do her?…Mazel Tov…Was she drunk?
–Lobby, Cardozo School of Law
Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit!
–Keyspan Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jesse
Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special.
–Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital
Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain.
–16th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: alyssa
Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out?
–Chili’s, Staten Island
Overheard by: Ada and Andi
Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled.
–Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th
Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth.
–29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria
Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs?
–31st & 6th
Overheard by: plo
Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting?
–North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island
Overheard by: Shamrocknroll
Teenage girl #1: He’s a good kisser.
Teenage girl #2: That’s gross. He’s your cousin!
Teenage girl #1: No! Not anymore he’s not.
–Chelsea Piers
Overheard by: boywryter
Teenage girl #1: I totally learned something at Coney Island the other day!
Teenage girl #2: Yeah?
Teenage girl #1: If you are walking on a sidewalk in Coney Island with a boy, and he has you walking closest to the street, that means he wants to sell you.
Teenage girl #2: Sell you?
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, but it only works in Coney Island. Joel told me. He was walking closest to the street. I think he really likes me!
–Q train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: jesse
Teen boy #1: Well, it’s too bad once they have their clothes off you can’t get rid of them.
Teen boy #2: Oh, well I’d be like, “Bitch, what do you think you’re doing? You beast!”
Teen boy #1: Yeah, I guess you can do that. Just like get them naked and then analyze their bodies, and then dismiss them.
Teen boy #2: Exactly!
–86th & 19th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kelly
Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!
–1 train
Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!
–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!
–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: elwood
Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.
–Queens Center Mall
Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.
–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square
Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Melissa
