Teens

If Only the Production Crew Of The Hills Could Do This

Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20-something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I'm gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it's something ignorant or retarded, I'm gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say

The Goyim Say ‘Jew-Pimples’

Teenage girl #1: Do you say, “Goose-pimples”?
Teenage girl #2: No…Jewish people say that.

–81st St

Overheard by: JAP

Except He Couldn’t Get His Blowdryer Past the Metal Detector

Guy #1 to guy #2: Those sunglasses look really good on you. They go nicely with your complexion.
Guy #3: That was an amazingly Fab Five moment.

–Bronx Science

Should We Be Discussing This in Public?

Teen chick #1: Yeah, but now they all like “woah!” and shit.
Teen chick #2: They all like “woah!”?
Teen chick #1: Yeah.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: dirtystan

Wednesday Funbag-Liners

Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore?

–86th St

Overheard by: Kevin

Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!

–Charles & 4th

Overheard by: Eric

20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs…

–Pratt Institute

Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away!

–5th & 21st

Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom!

–Carnegie Deli

You're on a Roll Today, Amber.

Teen girl to friend: We should, like, totally go out after this.
Friend: But we're not slutty enough to go to a bar.
Teen girl: Ooh! How about a sushi restaurant?

–LIRR

Overheard by: slut for sushi

I Give Her 2 Months

Teenage girl #1: Oh come on. Just try weed. It’s not that big of a deal.
Teenage girl #2: That’s one line I’ll never cross. That and sucking dick.

–4 train

Scalpel…Corkscrew…

Teen girl #1: Ew, foreskin, like why? Get circumcised. Clean it up.
Teen girl #2: Seriously. Right. Oh god I’d never go down on a guy with foreskin, not even the guy I’m marrying.
Teen girl #1: I’d be like, take care of it and then talk to me.
Teen girl #2: Seriously.

–47th St & 21st Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Thankfully Circumcised

Reader Poll: Are These Comparable?

Black teen exiting train: Yo, you got a nice ass for a cracka.
White girl, after he's gone: Ugh, I wonder what he would have said if I were like “you got a nice face, for a negro.”

–F Train

Overheard by: i wonder too

If Only the Conductor Could Hear That Witty Retort…

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is a smoke condition at Chambers Street. We will be delayed pulling into 42nd Street.
Teen boy: What the fuck is a smoke condition? My mom has a smoke condition. Subways don’t.

–1 train

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