Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?

–Broadway & 103rd St

Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: RAR!

Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.

–Uptown D Train

Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!

–Pub, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Pub crawler

Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 27, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Magic, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Passengers, Politics, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Sports, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankees

At the Very Least, It's a Good Way for Me to Recruit Drug Mules.

Nine-year-old girl to 13-year-old brother: You can't even get a real girl, you only meet girls off the internet.
13-year-old brother: Yeah, but it gives me confidence, it makes me feel good!
Nine-year-old sister: No, it doesn't!

–14th & 9th

Posted on January 24, 2010
Brothers, Internet, Kids, Teens, The Village

But I'd Only Stay with Him If He Had Money

Teenage girl #1, during class discussion about physical appearances: Like, if you saw a really hot guy, but then it turned out he was a jerk, would you still like him?
Teenage girl #2: Probably.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 10, 2010
Beauty, Fast Times at New York High, Physical appearance, Queens, Stupidity, Teens

It's Right Up There with “Who Shot JFK?”

Metro-north conductor: This train has five cars open.
Drunk teenage girl: Your mom has five cars open! Your mom's fellatio lips are open too!
(trio sits in row in front of girl and friend)
Drunk girl: I hate you, don't sit here. We're all going to throw up on you. Why are you still here? No one likes you.
Girl's friend: Why are you so drunk?
Drunk girl: That's something we'll never know.

–Metro-North

Posted on January 7, 2010
Comebacks, Conductors, Drunks, Friends, Gripes, Parents, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Weirdness

To Be Fair, What Does a Bronx Kid Know About Wheelbarrows?

Young teen: Why are all examples in my physics books about animals?
Teacher: City buses and wheelbarrows are not animals.

–Riverdale, Bronx

Overheard by: Ali P!

Posted on January 5, 2010
Animals & Nature, Education, Questions, School and studying, Science, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Bronx

And They Were Totally a Gateway to Scooby Doo

Teenybopper #1, seeing Teletubby character distributing flyers: Oh! Teletubbies! I loved them!
Teenybopper #2: They freaked me out.
Teenybopper #1: Yeah, me too. They made me feel like I was on drugs.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: when you were three you knew this how?

Posted on January 4, 2010
Bryant Park, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Teens, TV

Wednesday Smells So Bad, One-Liners Can Taste It

Ponytailed girl on cell, excitedly: Maybe you have, like, bacterial vaginosis or something! Yeah! That would explain it. No, you don't wanna smell like cinnamon down there, cinnamon toast crotch!

–86th & Lexington

Girl, walking onto stinky train car: Oh, shit, yo! It smells like a whole mess of hot ass up in this piece.

–L Train

Loud singing teen, stopping in mid-song: Damn! Somebody smell like soup!

–F Train

Overheard by: bpm

Smelly woman on elevator: I'ma kick that man's butt. I don't smell that strong!

–Office Building, Harlem

Overheard by: Liz

Man: This place smells like venereal disease!

–Port Authority Subway Tunnel

Overheard by: Courtney

Guy on cell: Who knows what I can do now that I don't smell like dogshit. The sky is the limit. (pause) Yeah, no more living in fear!

–27th & 5th

Posted on December 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fears, Food, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Man's Best Friend, Men, Office, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Port Authority, Sensory Experiences, STDs, Street, Teens, Threats, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Plus I'm His Dealer.

Teenage girl: Yeah, well… I'm *really* close with the school principal.
Teenage friend, raising eyebrow: Are you?
Teenaged girl: No. I mean really close. Like, “spank me daddy” close!
(teenage friend accidentally puts the lit end of a cigarette in her mouth and starts screaming)

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Posted on December 26, 2009
Accidents, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Relationships, S&M, School and studying, Smoking, Stupidity, Teens, Weirdness

…In Unrelated News.

Smelly white teenager #1: Yo, man! I haven't been to school in over a week and a half. I've been just chillin' with my girlfriend.
Smelly white teenager #2: Oh, wow! Really?
Smelly white teenager #1: Yeah, I dunno what I'm gonna tell my parents–you know, when I first heard of the Passion of the Christ I thought it was a porno.

–Q58 Bus

Overheard by: Queens Girl

Posted on December 21, 2009
Bus, Education, Jesus, Movies, On the Bus, Parents, School and studying, Stupidity, Teens, White People

Raise Your Hand If You Learn More at Work Than You Ever Did at School

Older teenage boy: And I'm learning shit there, too, more shit than I learned…
Friend, interrupting: At school.
Older teenage boy: At school, yeah. And they *like* my shit there, too.

–Corner of Fashion Avenue

Posted on December 19, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, School and studying, Teens

Teens