“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: It's how I got mine

Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Island Broadwalk

Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broadway & Liberty

Overheard by: CG

Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, SoHo

Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Overheard by: michael diamond

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Crying, Death, Fears, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Soho, The Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

Do Wednesday One-Liners Amuse You? Do They Exist to Make You Laugh?

Professor: Fat people are often funny.

–Baruch College

Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!

–Riverdale

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!

–F Train

Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.

–8th St & Broadway

Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.

–Williamsburg

Posted on December 16, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hair, Hard Drugs, Laughter, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, The Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Oh. Like a Joke

Older mailman (in AOL voice): You've got mail!
Woman (flatly): Yes.
Older mailman: Like a computer! You've got mail!

–The Village

Overheard by: CS

Posted on December 15, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Internet, Old People, The Village, Weirdness, Women

Disarming the Papaya Serfs Was Key

Man: Excuse me, do you have any regular forks? This fry fork is too small.
Hot dog guy: Sorry, sir, all we have are these cocktail forks. We don’t have any regular ones.
Hot dog girl: Yeah, they’re afraid we’d used the regular forks to stab each other.

–Papaya King, West 14th Street

Overheard by: Gozer the Gozarian

Posted on December 14, 2014
Anger Management, Coffee, Junk Food & Fast Food, Restaurants & Cafes, Stab, The Village, Violence

…And Wake Up in Strange Beds

Young Woman: I don’t think you should do as I do. I mean, I drink a lot.

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

Posted on December 14, 2014
Advice, Drinking & Drunk People, One-liners, The Village

Someone Who Looked into the Abyss of What American Apparel Had to Offer

Chick #1: What’d you do today?
Chick #2: Contemplated suicide.
Chick #1: Who are you?

–American Apparel, Houston St

Posted on December 13, 2014
Depressed, Friends, Store, Suicide, The Village

Roger’s First Attempt at Doggy Style Is a Success

Man: Arf, arf!
Lady: This isn’t a playground.
Man: Arf, arf!
Lady: Arf, arf yourself!

–12th & 6th

Posted on December 12, 2014
Insults, Strangers, The Village

And Those Halloween Tea-and-Torah Parties Are No Fun at All

Teen girl #1:The guy with the blond hair, is he English?
Teen girl #2: No, he’s Jewish.
Teen girl #1: I hate Halloween.

–CVS, 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: johnozed

Posted on December 10, 2014
Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Teens, The Village

“Because she’s dead.”

Guy #1: Dude, I really want crab salad.
Guy #2: Okay.
Guy #1: I really want some crab salad. It’s only five forty-nine per pound here! I think Im going to get a pound. I really want crab salad.
Guy #2: Dude, why don’t you just eat out Ada?

–Deli, Broadway between 10th & 11th

Overheard by: tina t lin

Posted on December 8, 2014
Delis, Eating Out, Food, Friends, Money & Class, Names, The Village

Now You Just Have to Deal with My Habits.

Young mother: You keep stepping on my flats! Ugh, I'm gonna kill you!
Teen girl: No you're not. If you didn't have me, you'd be a nun.

–Starbucks, 17th & Broadway

Overheard by: CreativeBunny

Posted on December 8, 2014
Church, Moms, Murder, Parents, Starbucks, Teens, The Village, Threats