Woman #1: Well, maybe it’ll be better next time.
Woman #2: No, there ain’t gonna be a next time, because if there is a next time, I’m gonna kick you in the head!
–W 4th St
Overheard by: Duncan
Woman #1: Well, maybe it’ll be better next time.
Woman #2: No, there ain’t gonna be a next time, because if there is a next time, I’m gonna kick you in the head!
–W 4th St
Overheard by: Duncan
Young guy: You know, I think I've actually eaten gator at Gatorland.
Young chick, looking exasperated: Why would they sell alligator to eat in Gatorland? That's like selling dolphin sandwiches at the aquarium!
Young guy: You're right! I better tell Shamu to watch out and go somewhere else because all I need is miracle whip and white bread, and voilá… It's magic, bitch!
–8th St & University Place
Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!
–8th & 34th
Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: It's how I got mine
Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!
–Coney Island Broadwalk
Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!
–Broadway & Liberty
Overheard by: CG
Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!
–Spring Street, SoHo
Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.
–W 12th & W 4th
Overheard by: michael diamond
Professor: Fat people are often funny.
–Baruch College
Girl to friend: When she OD'ed on him, it was so funny!
–Riverdale
Overheard by: Caitlin
Ditzy-looking middle aged woman on cell: The funniest thing today with the kids! They slammed me to the door and one of them bit my arm and I drew blood! (pauses) Yeah, I know, I'm going back tomorrow!
–F Train
Girl: So, like my friend thought it would be funny to jump in a pool that didn't have water in it.
–8th St & Broadway
Brooklyn artist: After four or five organic vodka tonics, all the ironic hairstyles in the bar start to actually be funny.
–Williamsburg
Older mailman (in AOL voice): You've got mail!
Woman (flatly): Yes.
Older mailman: Like a computer! You've got mail!
–The Village
Overheard by: CS
Man: Excuse me, do you have any regular forks? This fry fork is too small.
Hot dog guy: Sorry, sir, all we have are these cocktail forks. We don’t have any regular ones.
Hot dog girl: Yeah, they’re afraid we’d used the regular forks to stab each other.
–Papaya King, West 14th Street
Overheard by: Gozer the Gozarian
Young Woman: I don’t think you should do as I do. I mean, I drink a lot.
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Chick #1: What’d you do today?
Chick #2: Contemplated suicide.
Chick #1: Who are you?
–American Apparel, Houston St
Man: Arf, arf!
Lady: This isn’t a playground.
Man: Arf, arf!
Lady: Arf, arf yourself!
–12th & 6th
Teen girl #1:The guy with the blond hair, is he English?
Teen girl #2: No, he’s Jewish.
Teen girl #1: I hate Halloween.
–CVS, 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: johnozed
