Thug: Good afternoon, kind public. Y'all want some stolen shit? I got that.
(passing girl laughs)
Friend of thug: Don't laugh at that, that shit ain't funny.
Girl: Oh, but it so is.
Thug: Hey, little lady, may I interest you in some fine ass stolen shit?
–33rd & 8th
Thug: Hey, man… You look like you’re from California with that hair. Are ya?
Guy with long blond hair: Yes, I am.
Thug: How you like ‘at? I been thinkin’ about movin’ out to California.
Guy with long blond hair: It’s great — people are more real here in New York, though. I used to live in San Francisco, which is a great.
Thug: Oh, how far is San Francisco from California?
Guy with long blond hair: San Francisco is in California.
Thug: Oh, what city is it in?
Guy with long blond hair: San Francisco… Okay, this is my stop.
–Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: Dave S
Man on subway, about to exit: Obama, Islam, Canada. Obama, in Islam, and Canada. (exits train)
–Downtown D Train
Overheard by: katiekatydid
Thug to tourists: How do you say "thank you" in Canadian?
–34th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Fluent in Canadian
Student: I'm so sick and tired of your Canadian condescension.
–Eugene Lang College
Crazy Brooklynite at a payphone: The Queen owns everything! She owns Europe, she owns Africa, and she owns Canada! The one thing she doesn't own is the US. So could somebody give me a US quarter for a Canadian quarter?
–Broadway & 8th St
Ditzy blonde to another: Do we look Canadian?
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Holls
Foreigner, showing bong: And here is what I bought today.
Ghetto kid: Yeah, whatcha gonna put in there? Tobacco?
Foreigner: Yes, I put the tobacco in here. The tobacco.
Ghetto kid: No, man. You gotta put some weed in there. You ever heard of weed?
Foreigner: Weed? No…weed? I don’t understand.
Ghetto kid: Get some weed. You put a little weed in there, smoke it up, and you’re set.
Foreigner: Yes, thank you. Weed.
–Brooklyn bound B train
Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl
Thug #1: Does she love you?
Thug #2: I know she loves me. She did my dishes!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Lauren
Guy, to girl: If I wanted to be angry, I would have punched you in the face a long time ago.
–34th & 7th
Woman on cell: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
–33rd St & 31st Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Wade
Woman: It’s not like someone put a gun to your head and told you to fuck her!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Cha
Guy on cell: Yes, I’m interested in your sparring class…No, you see I want to hit somebody.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Braincurve
Thug, to his girlfriend: Yo, I don’t care if you a girl or not. I will bust you in the head with a rock.
–Central Park
Thug on cell, after helping an old women with a walker out of the doorway: Yeah, man, you know me. Slashing tires and rapin’ women, that’s what I’m all about.
–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: InnocentlyEvil
Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning!
–Grand Concourse, 205th St.
Overheard by: LSB
Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs.
–11th & A
Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray.
–C Train
Overheard by: Mark
Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion.
–Queens Mall
Overheard by: LSB
Thug #1: Yeah man, there’s some fucked up shit going on.
Thug #2: Word son, niggas killin’ niggas.
White guy across the car: It’s a win-win situation.
–LIRR train to Penn Station from Jamaica
Thug: Daaaaaamn! Look at all them lining up for that train over to Hoboken! I'm glad we ain't got a line to go to Jersey City.
Thugette: Yeah, we the opposite of that gentry-fact-tation stuff they got goin' on over there.
(blank stares from a few suits)
Thug: Yeah! She knows what that means.
–PATH
Overheard by: Moving Out to Gentry-fact-tate Fort Greene
