Getting Wednesdayed Is Easy; Staying One-Linered Is Hard

Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…

–Hudson River Park

Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?

–F Train

Overheard by: Elise

Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.

–DUMBO, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Megan

Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Josh

Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!

–77th & 34th

Posted on September 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Couples, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Kink, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Questions, Straight Trippin', Street, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Brunettes Have Four Weeks More Fun!

Blonde chick: I don’t understand. It’s stupid. You mutiply it by 4.
Brunette chick: No, there are 52 weeks in a year.
Blonde chick: No, you multiply the months by 4. 12 times 4, and you get 48.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Bystander

Posted on September 15, 2015
Columbia University, Girls, Idiots, Science, Students, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Time

If The Facts Of Life Were Set Today, in New York

Overweight Asian lady: Excuse me, miss, I'm holding the pole, do you mind?
Black lady: I'm sorry, but there's nowhere I can move to.
Asian lady: Well, can you just please not lean on it? You're squashing my hand.
Black lady (looking at Asian lady in amazement at her audacity): What time is it?
Asian lady: I could tell you, if you would stop leaning on my hand.
Black lady: It's rush hour! If you're not ready for this go back to suburbia, bitch! This is what happens on an overcrowded train in New York City. Look at this bitch next to me, she barely fits in the door, and she's not complaining. You know why? Cause she accepts it. Cause it's a fact of life! And you takin' up the whole middle isle…shame on you…lose some weight…go back to suburbia. There's plenty of room there.

–L Train

Overheard by: that's right, rush hour is tight

Posted on August 23, 2015
Asians, Black People, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Insults, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Time

Eat This– It'll Be Hanukah in Your Mouth!

Little boy: When will it be Hanukkah?
Dad: Not for a while.
Little boy: But I'm begging you for Hanukkah.
Dad: You got some time until it's Hanukkah, buddy.
Little boy: Now you'll never get me a present!
Dad: (begins to leave with the little boy)
Little boy: I am not moving until it's Hanukkah!

–Bagel Shop, The Village

Overheard by: wilpon

Posted on August 21, 2015
Dads, Gifts, Grocery Stores, Judaism, Kids, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, The Village, Time

Did You Skip Sex Education?

Hipster #1: Why are there so many pregnant women? I don't get it.
Hipster #2: Well, nine months ago was winter. When there's a blizzard, nine months later there's just babies everywhere.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: o!valencia

Posted on August 11, 2015
Babies, Hipsters, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Time, Weather

And This Time I'll Make It Talk in a Really Creepy Voice

20-something year old girl: So you just sat with the dead baby for six months?
20-something year old guy: I told you not to talk about this in public, you'll be sitting right next to it if you keep bringing him up around people.

–Applebee's

Overheard by: Emily

Posted on August 8, 2015
Babies, Bars & Clubs, Death, Girls, Guys, Questions, Time, Weirdness

…So They're Still Able to Be Polite

Drunk Yankees fan: Hey there! Can we get two Jager shots?
Coffee shop employee: Uh, we don't have any Jager shots here.
Drunk Yankees fan: Well, what do you have?
Coffee shop employee: Uhh… Coffee? Tea? Lattes?
Drunk Yankees fan: Aww, man! (to friend) They ain't got no Jager shots here! (to employee) Okay, thanks anyway. (they leave)
Coffee shop employee: It's 4:30 in the afternoon…

–Coffee Shop, Franklin & Varick

Overheard by: yankees fans are special people

Posted on August 7, 2015
Clerks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

That’s It — I’m Getting a Bigger Monitor!

Ghetto queer, mocking ghetto chick: ‘It’s been so nice seeing you again…’
Ghetto chick: You know, I’ve been friends with him for so long, but something about seeing him today was just so… different. I guess maybe his essence was just too big for a MySpace page.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Has been waiting for this.