Middle-aged man on cell: I’ve never seen so many tits out in the open in my life.
–The Metropolitan Opera, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Noelle
Middle-aged man on cell: I’ve never seen so many tits out in the open in my life.
–The Metropolitan Opera, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Noelle
Tourist chick: He’s not gay, he’s just neurotic!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Scott
Girl: He’s not gay, he just has a lot of feelings!
–Grand Central
Hipster on cell: Yo, I want to tell you something. I do not want to go down on everyone… Well, I’m not gay, so that cuts it in half right there.
–17th & 8th
Suit to himself: Thanks, but I’m not gay!
–45th & 6th
Overheard by: Alisa
Little boy sitting with haggard-looking mom singing to the tune of Pinky and the Brain song: My penis, my penis is not gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!
–1 train
Overheard by: wondering what network plays reruns of Pinky and the Brain
Woman on cell, wearing fuchsia catsuit and clutching stuffed parrot: I’m on the corner of Broadway and 69th in a ridiculous outfit.
–69th & Broadway
Buff guy: You know what they used to call me in jail? “Harry the Robe,” because I wore this beautiful white robe after I took showers.
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: gina
Girl on cell: I swear, if I have my underwear on inside out today I am just going to snap.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Amused listener
Preppy guy: Is there a philosopher named Kenneth Cole? Because there is this huge billboard with his quote on it.
–Sugar Sweet Sunshine, Rivington between Norfolk & Essex
Guy in black cape and Batman-type mask: No one ever fucks with me when I go out at night rocking this outfit.
–Franklin & Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: lil pirate
Girl: Do they even have Prada in Boston? They just have baked beans and Benjamin Franklin, and he’s dead.
–Stanton & Orchard
Girl, walking behind another girl who’s wearing a pink tutu, white stockings, and a tiara: Let her walk alone wearing this on her birthday.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Not Wearing a Tutu
Dude: Yeah, so I gotta get my intestine.
–96th & Broadway
Overheard by: Already Got One
Man on cell: My left testicle’s on 57th Street, my leg’s on 58th Street, and my nose is falling off!
–57th & 5th
Overheard by: Megan
Lady to friend: She’s a wimp even though she ain’t got no legs.
–43rd & 8th
Overheard by: snayl
Bimbette: Like, I totally starting choking. Something got stuck in my coccyx. It was bad.
–College Walk, Columbia University
Overheard by: DD
Gangsta on cell: I got a strong tongue. Any mood you in, I can fix.
–E Houston & Orchard
Crazy old man, pointing and yelling at little kid: Your skin is on backwards! Don’t be naive!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: tj
Girl on phone: You know her, red hair, goes to a lot of shows… Her lip is kind of, y'know, stuck to her nose a bit on the one side.
–Union Square
Promoter to older man passing by: Excuse me, sir, you dropped your clitoris.
–St.Mark's Place
Suit: And his head was askew…
–79th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit on cell: The woman's toenails were three inches long.
–The Village
Guy to another: I knew a guy with a tail–an extended tailbone. It was thiiiis (shows) long!
–8th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Rick
50-something New Yorker: He was Barbara Streisand's cousin! And he stretched my urethra. It was great! Well, not at the time. But now it's great!
–Broadway & 59th St
Overheard by: Nikki
Woman #1: He’s crazy.
Woman #2: No, no, no. See, when you say “crazy” I’m thinkin’ crazy, like smashing-car-windows crazy.
–Atlantic Center
Chick #1: I know he’s crazy.
Chick #2: Right, so you should be able to be like, “He’s crazy”, and
leave him.
Chick #1: But I’m used to his level of craziness.
–47th & Madison
Suit: The thing about sales is that you’re nothing but a paid liar.
–44th & Lexington
Girl on cell: Really? Three and a half hours? I don’t think so. The ad says after four hours you need to worry.
–Nassau & Liberty
Old woman: There’s this green tea thing now…Starbucks started it…supposedly it’s really good for you.
–Starbucks, Times Square
Girl: I am, like, having an affair with my iPod.
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Man: I want the strongest coffee you have. With caffeine. Please.
–Starbucks, 78th & Lexington
Overheard by: Joshua S.
Queer: Allison, did you buy that bra so that the straps would match your shopping bag?
–2nd Avenue & 5th Street
Guy smoking with his buddy, disgusted: Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and go, ‘Oh my god, I can’t believe someone is attracted to me’?
–44th & 7th
Overheard by: Michelle
Street vendor, as homely Brazilian chicks pass: You are a disgrace to the country of Brazil! Ugly!
–46th & 6th
Man on cell: Eh, she was kinda lizardy-looking…
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: sean
Smoking street vendor chick to friends: I mean, if you’re going to be ugly, at least be articulate.
–N 6th & Bedford
Girl to another: I mean, I think he is attractive, but it took me a while to think that.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Suit: So, you wanna bring the strippers to paintball?
–45th St & Ave of the Americas
Suit: They are not stupid people, even though they are from the Midwest.
–53rd & Park
Overheard by: MJ
Suit: We’re meeting in conference room G, but there’s still blood in there from the last meeting.
–53rd & Park
Overheard by: Russo
Suit whispering baby talk into another’s ear: Freddie, wash my butthole.
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Late-50s suit to another: My next-door neighbors, they don’t know how to communicate with their Mexicans.
–N & R platform, 49th St
Overheard by: Wish I could have heard more
Suit to another: I don’t care what they say — once a french maid, always a french maid.
–Rockefeller Center
Suit on cell: If it wasn’t for goat’s milk I don’t know how I would’ve made it through college.
–45th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: y2jon
20-something dude to girl exiting train: Well, good luck with the pterodactyl!
–N train, Broadway stop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dinosaywhat?
Mother to teen daughter: It would be a fetusaurus!
–E 8th St, between 6th & Broadway
Overheard by: Wondering if she means "an abortion"
Thug wannabe: So, it was like a dinosaur, but it had an ass.
–Manhattan-bound 7 train
Overheard by: Kevp
Little boy: You know what I wish? I wish there were no more zebras… or dinosaurs.
–Museum of Natural History
Teen boy to kid brother: You know why the dinosaurs died out? ‘Cause you touch yourself at night!
–14th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Stella
