Wednesday One-Liners, Red in Tooth and Claw

Fashionista to two others: Yeah, but like, what are we going to do with a dead horse?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Brooke

Woman: I lived in a mud hut with rabid bats — I think I cashed in my JAP card.

–Bushwick

Chick to guy: They get to pick out the puppies and kitties that they like the best, and they get to take them for the night. And, if they get killed, they just have to replace them. Isn’t that great?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl to boyfriend: With the amount you spend on little turtles, I think you could buy yourself a suit.

–Columbia University

Sailor to another: What do you know about anything ‘cept cuttin’ up squid and takin’ it to bed with you?!

–Hudson & Perry

Saucy chick: The worst I ever got fucked was by a horse named ‘Hunt.’

–16th & 1st

Overheard by: Karin

Posted on January 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-liners Just Promote Stereotypes

Chick on cell: Yeah, I’ll put a tarp down, but everyone spraypaints on the roof. There’s graffiti all over it ’cause it’s the ghetto. There’s crackheads everywhere, so no one’s going to care about some little White girl with a spray can.

–7 train

Overheard by: Ani Sin

Thug kid: Yo man, Welsh is the place to be. They drink as much as the Irish, but they don’t got the rep for it yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Pegs Landing

Latina: My sister married a Puerto Rican, my brother married a Puerto Rican, I don’t wanna marry no Puerto Rican. I wanna step up–marry some White guy.

–42nd & 3rd

Crazy Black man: I ain’t sucking on Whitey’s balls! Are you? I ain’t playin with Whitey’s dick! Are you?

–Union Square

Guy: I’ve never seen an English porn. It’s probably bad teeth and fish
‘n chips and stuff.

–27th Street office

Man on cell: Do you hear all this noise? You’d never hear people honking their horns like that in Singapore…it’s considered to be insulting!

–23rd & 6th

Posted on January 7, 2015
Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners File Jointly

Man in Rangers shirt: … And that’s when we realized that she married Satan.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: rosemary’s baby

Homeless guy yelling at everyone: Paul McCartney, you so rich, why you marry a woman with one leg? You could buy yourself one with two legs easily. Easily, dammit.

–E/V station, 53rd & 5th

Professor: Marriage is a state institution. It’s not a voluntary love-fest.

–Silver Center, Washington Square

Balding suit on cell: No, no, it was a phase… And I would know, right? No, I’m telling you, he’s just confused… He’s a kid! And anyway, he’s married now… No, he’ll be fine.

–Citarella, W 9th St

Dude: Sitting here eating these Nerds is the best day of my life, ever. Well, this and my wedding day.

–Landmark Sunshine Cinema, Houston St

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on January 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Marriage, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Hooked on Wednesday One-Liners Worked for Me!

Tween girl: No, it's "Yiddish"! "Yiddish," not "ribbit."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: ragnvaeig

20-something girl to older friend: No, no… "ghetto" is just slang–it's not a real word.

–PATH Train

Guy on cell: Yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo, yo.

–Pacific St & Atlantic Ave

Overheard by: jayloo

Guy to another, who has obviously caused him some emotional strife: I just don't understand why you had to did me so dirty.

–Hudson River Park

Teenage boy: But I ain't know where was them talkin' about it! (teenage friend nods sympathetically)

–Downtown 6 Train

Girl to guy: It must be your manstinct. (pause) Not ya manstink!

–Central Park

Posted on January 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Language Barrier, Languages, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penn Station, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Words, Yiddish

Wednesday One-Liners Get Around

Girl on cell: It doesn’t matter how many people I’ve had sex with…If I can remember each of their names, then it isn’t a lot.

–32nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Tommy

Girl on cell: You had a threesome with the mayor of what?

–144th & Broadway

Overheard by: McFreaky

NYU boy: Pear applesauce, strawberry applesauce, banana applesauce. God, it’s like the apples did every other fruit in the garden!

–Food Emporium, Union Square

Dude: And after the party, everyone gets innoculated and takes the morning after pill.

–Taj Mahal, 6th St between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: lish

Woman: The problem is that men are paradoxically both a reason to be celibate and to have large amounts of sex.

–140th & Broadway

Posted on January 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sex & Relationships, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Minors

Two-year-old, pointing to Citibank: That's my bank!

–7th Ave & President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: But who's your insurance carrier?

Nine-year old boy on cell: Well, you know what? Fuck you! I'm going home! (slams cell shut and begins strutting across parking lot)

–Parking Lot, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: WTF????

Ten-year-old girl in bathing suit to seven-year-old girl: Stop touching my ass. Whore!

–Park, Astoria

Little girl to group of little girls: Raise your hand if you're allergic to penicillin!

–R Train

Overheard by: cole

Little girl to friends, pointing at platform: That's where hobos live!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Three-year-old boy, eating hamburger: Cock cock cock cock!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Alexis from Texas

Kid in cart at end of dairy aisle as man he came in with goes down aisle: Ssomeone's gonna take me! Someone's take me!

–Stop & Shop, Kingsbridge, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on January 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Malls, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Penis, Staten Island, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

A Silken Swirl of Wednesday One-Liners

Yelling guy: Why did you swallow?! Laura, why did you swallow?! Why did you swallow?! Laura, why did you swallow?!

–12th & Ave A

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Guy on cell: Are you going to give me some fellatio? Chicka-chicka-bow-bow. Some felaysh, hm?

–66th & 1st

Overheard by: misplacedpom

Woman on cell: She can’t suck dick to save her life!

–51st & 5th

High maintenance lady to male friend: So he said to me, ‘Let me get a blow job,’ and so I said to him, ‘Not until I get a boob job!’

–39th & 6th

Chick: So, he comes back to my place and I gave him a blow job. Then in the morning he was gone, but he left $22.50 on the table. Is that weird?

–Brooklyn

Posted on January 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday's One-Liners Sell Themselves

Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: joy

Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop!

–16th St & 7th Ave

Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.

–Brooklyn

Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Diaz