“Urban” Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Man, if you wanna get into heaven, you gotta talk to black people. They know where they at. Can’t get into heaven if you don’t talk to black people.

–Statue of Liberty

Bimbette on cell: So she is like pregnant? Like she is gonna have a baby? Hey, whatever happened to that black family?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Bigg Rigg

NYU grad student: Bill Clinton isn’t black to me anymore.

–NYU

Black couple to group of white people: We’re black! We’re invisible!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: mada

White grandpa to white granddaughter in playground: Black kids have so much fun!

–Union Square Park

Posted on June 18, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bimbettes, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Hobos, Kids, NYU, Old People, On Cell, Penn Station, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Statue of Liberty, Students, Washington Square Park, West Village, White People

Those Handjobs Were Just Volunteer Work

Middle-aged guidette: He’s gay, he’s gay, he’s gay!
Uptight white woman: My husband isn’t gay. Loving Jesus doesn’t make you gay.

–Port Authority

Posted on June 17, 2008
Default, Gays and Lesbians, God Squad, Guidettes, Jesus, Port Authority, Relationships, White People, Women

All Porn Points to “Yes”

Asian boy: So I went on a date with this guy -and this has happened before- he asked me if I shave my arms! And I was like: “No… I’m Asian.”
White girl: Are Asians hairless?

–5 Mott Street

Overheard by: Laura B

Headline by: Toby

Runners-Up:
· “Asians Also Lack a Four-Chambered Heart.” – Matthew
· “Later He Asked Me If I’d Had Penis Reduction Surgery” – Jazz Musician
· “Racism Isn’t Waning – It’s Waxing” – Alchar Haven
· “What Do You Think We Are, Mammals?” – kew
· “Why Anime and Furries Just Don’t Mix!” – GeekGrrl
· “Yes, But We All Buy the Same Wigs” – Melissa
· “Yes, It Makes Us More Aerodynamic So We Breeze Through Those Math Classes.” – JohnnyB

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 12, 2008
Asians, Boys, Chinatown, Dating, Girls, Hair, Headline Contest Winners, Questions, Race, Waxing, White People

Before He Finds Out We’re West Coast Rappers

Man giving out rap CDs: Yo! Check out my new CD, it’s only five dollars.
White man: Thanks, but we do not like rap.
Man giving out rap CDs: What are you, racist?
Man’s wife: Honey, I think we should go now.

–Times Square

Posted on June 8, 2008
Black People, Men, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Times Square, White People, Women

Wednesday One-Liner’s Burden

Jamaican man on cell: First there is the white people, then comes the animals, then comes me!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Cog-in-the-wheel

White hipster: Don’t let the white man bring you down!

–N. 6th & Bedford Ave

Black man, yelling at UGG-wearing Fordham student passing by: White girls get loving, too. But, not with those boots!

–E. Fordham Rd & Bathgate Ave

Guy with rosary: Yo, that girl used to be so bad. Now she’s hanging out with white people and playing croquet. Or whatever that shit is.

–North Woods, Central Park

Cute black girl: Damn! White girls be steppin’ it up! They got booties now and everything!

–106th & Broadway

Posted on June 4, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Brooklyn, Bryant Park, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Men, On Cell, Race, Shoes, Sports, The Bronx, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People

Not the Moment M.L. and Rodney King Dreamed About

White girl: I feel like saying: “Nigga, I don’t want your purses. You don’t know Louis Vuitton like I do. I fucked his ass last night.” Finna hit ’em with my nine inch.
Friend: Or you could just get shot…
White girl: Shit nigga, look at my ass with my North Face and pearls talkin nigga-trash…I’m bouta get shot nine times.
Friend: 50 style nigga.

–Canal St

Overheard by: oh white girls

Posted on June 3, 2008
Backdoor, Default, Friends, Girls, Language Barrier, Physical appearance, Race, Shoot, The Village, Threats, White People

And Like We Should Judge?

Young white yuppie girl #1: Did you really let him stay over again?
Young white yuppie girl #2: Well, he doesn’t have to report to Riker’s for another couple weeks.

–12th & Washington

Overheard by: balloonknot

Posted on June 2, 2008
Default, Girls, Questions, Relationships, West Village, White People, Yuppies

Benetton’s Next Ad Campaign Is Gonna Be Edgy

White chick, examining bacteria plate: Aww, my bacteria are so cute. I have like pink ones!
Blondie: Lemme see. Ewwww… Is that what you colonized from your hand?
White chick: Yeah…?
Blondie: Ewww, you’re dirty, don’t touch me.
White chick: Fuck you, I go on the subway all the time.
Asian chick: Me too. Hey, I have some white colonies on my finger culture… Maybe I have some white in me after all.
White chick: And I have some yellow colonies! Together, we are a perfect rainbow of transcultural germs.
Asian chick: Awesome.

–Barnard Biology Lab

Overheard by: Vicksburg