Animal, Wednesday One-Liner, or Mineral?

Man trying on hat: Hey! Do I look like John Wayne in this hat? Watch out, pilgrim! I'm planting roses!

–Botanical Garden

Girl to friend: I need a twig or a leaf or an herb or somethin'.

–C Train

White guy on cell: It's the goddamn Cherry Blossom Festival… so get your ass out here.

–Outside Brooklyn Botanical Garden

Maintenance worker to another: Oh, come on! It's not working now. Let's try plugging it into the tree.

–42 St & 2nd Ave

Flower vendor: Shut up nigga, I'll slap you! Fresh roses!

–7th Ave & 26th

Overheard by: Todd

Posted on August 13, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coworkers, Friends, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Threats, Trees and plants, Vendors & Street Performers, White People

Anyone Else Find the Name “Cosmo” to Be the Most Disturbing Part of This Quote?

(a little black boy is skipping away from his group)
Middle aged black lady: Yeah, you skip Cosmo!
Nerdy 13-year-old white boy: Yeah, skip to your own fuckin' loo, motherfucker!

–6th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Posted on August 1, 2008
Black People, Boys, Default, Insults, Kids, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, White People, Women

'Cause I'm Gangstrous!

White college dude with glasses: Guys, you absolutely must check out this new reality television show. It is off the hiz-ook. Literally, off the hiz-ook.
College chick: Why do we hang out with you?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on July 31, 2008
Advice, Columbia University, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Questions, Sorority Girls, TV, White People, Words

Kathy Griffin Makes Fun Of Wednesday One-Liners

White queer to friend: So I was sitting there at the restaurant with my parents and looked to my left, and who was there? LL Cool J! Ooooh, girl, he is fine. I was all: "Hey, LL, you can park your big Underground Railroad right in my behind!"

–UES

Hipster: You can’t really enjoy Evel Knievel in the traditional sense.

–St. Mark’s Place

Nine-year old boy to another: Ooh, Indiana Jones! Look, Shia LaBeouf! I used to go out with him.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: learned something new about Shia LeBeouf

Proud teen: I had my picture taken with Dennis Rodman’s sister.

–Houston & West Broadway

Worried hipster: And I think Judge Judy would just say that I don’t have a leg to stand on.

–W 19th St

Bus driver: I know what it’s like to miss a flight. You have to ride a Greyhound bus and sit next to a fat guy who eats Cheez-Its and talks about Scott Baio way too much.

–NYAS Shuttle, JFK

Overheard by: innocent bus rider

Posted on July 23, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Boys, Bus Drivers, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Innuendo, JFK Airport, Kids, Movies, Parents, Pictures, Queer guys, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

If It’s Any Comfort, I’ll Blush Every Time I Remember This Conversation

Black girl: I’m not voting. I’m from Illinois and I never registered to get an absentee ballot.
White guy: Well, Obama’s clearly going to win there, anyway. (pause) Oh, wait… No, I didn’t mean…
Black girl: No, it’s okay, you’re right, I would have voted for him.
White guy: But that’s not why I… It wasn’t the black thing, it was the NYU thing.

–NYU Silver Center

Posted on July 4, 2008
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Girls, Guys, NYU, Politics, Race, U.S. Geography, Washington Square Park, White People

For Your Information, We Need These Jackets for Medicinal Purposes

Waspy girl on cell: No, it’s totally safe up here. I mean there are hipsters on the street.
Passing hipster (to friend wearing Members Only jacket): Is she talking about us?

–125th & Park

Posted on July 1, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, White People

The Only Circumstance Under Which White Men Jump

Crowd watching Indiana Jones trailer: Yeah! Woo hoo!
Young black guy (legitimately surprised): Damn! That whip drives the white folks crazy!

–Court Street Multiplex, Brooklyn

Overheard by: iiams

Posted on June 26, 2008
Black People, Brooklyn, Default, Guys, Movie Theaters, Movies, Race, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Will Bust a Cap in Your Ass

Shy sounding suit: You know how you get your fingerprints off the gun? You pee on it, the prints wipe right off. Most people don’t know that.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Two Fingaz

Dude: You’re starting to sound like that guy with the gun on your dad’s video.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Latina teenager to friend: I don’t know why we can’t be having duels anymore. Enough fighting! Just be, like: "Let’s have a duel!" and then go out and shoot each other!

–Rush Hour, L Train

Man on cell (waving his hand around in the shape of a gun): I’ve got a gun in my hand! Oh crap, I mean not a real one. I shouldn’t have said that out loud.

–32nd & 6th

Overheard by: sromeo

Self-important white girl: So then my friends started talking about the shooting up here, and I was like: "Screw you all, you didn’t even call up to find out if I was dead."

–126th & Lenox

Preaching hobo: This year they raise your rent. And the year after. Soon you have to shoot them. You know this.

–34th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Rent Controlled

Man: I understand remembering things differently. I just don’t understand how one could confuse being shot at with not being shot at.

–6th Ave & 3rd St, Park Slope

Posted on June 25, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Latinos, Men, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Pee, Shoot, Stupidity, Suits, Teens, Threats, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weapons, Weirdness, White People

Wednesdays and the One-Liners Who Hate Them

Girl to friend: That’s because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens.

–Something Else, Park Slope

Overheard by: jayloo

White guy: Well, if Kate* was my soulmate I wouldn’t hate having sex with her so much.

–W 57th & 11th

Well-dressed man to self, after making meowing noises: I hate my ex, I hate that fucking bitch! I’m going to stick a tennis ball in her muffler!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Teen girl to friends: And she, like, gave me an 88%. I can’t fucking believe her! I can’t even hate her, right? If she’d just failed me like usual, I could hate her. But she gave me a freaking 88%.

–Astoria-Bound N Train

Overheard by: Ben

Sad 30-something: My boyfriend’s mother hates me. She hates me because I’m out of work … And I shoot up in her house.

–7th Ave & 9th street, Park Slope

Drunk angry girl on cell: Answer the damn phone, you bastard! Answer the phone! I hate you! I love you! Call me.

–Port Washington Train

Posted on June 25, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Relationships, Sex, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, White People

If You Do the Allstate Gesture Again I’m Gonna Smack You

Asian guy to girlfriend: That’s the best part about being in a relationship.
White girlfriend: Sandwiches?
Asian guy: Always having an extra pair of hands.

–49th St Station

Overheard by: missalicious

Posted on June 21, 2008
Asians, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Default, Food, Girlfriends, Innuendo, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Relationships, Subway stations, platforms, etc., White People

White People

'Cause I'm Gangstrous!