Mild-Mannered Wednesday by Day. One-Liner by Night.

Chick on cell: Do you prefer the superhero theme to us in only aprons, holding penis cakes?

–Garden of Eden Supermarket, 107th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

White guy to white girl: Wait, you'd be proud to be supermanned by me?

–D Train

(at the superhero fashion exhibit, in front of Catwoman's display)
Man to little kid: Oh, and look! She has a whip. I wonder what that's for…

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: EK

Black guy on cell: Nigga, you can't be James Bond and Batman, you pick which one you are.

–Smith & 9th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ewan Walsh

Girl on cell: Am I gonna need to drug you, put you in a superhero costume, and snap photos?

–Halloween Adventure Store

Overheard by: McF

Batman to four-year-old who jumped out from behind a table: Evan, don't sneak up on me. Superheroes are wound very tight.

–Birthday party, Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: PG

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Pictures, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Superheroes, The Met, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People

A Gaggle Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps.

–14th & 2nd

Overheard by: LIZ

Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep… When it comes down to it… is there really any difference?

–Biddy Early's Pub

Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats!

–3 Train

Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one?

–Times Square

Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it’s been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten.

–92nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Mad Man

Middle-aged white guy: …so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level.

–Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Babies, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Library, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People, Words

He's Not Just President of the Ghetto; He's Also a Member

Asian chick: Yeah, we're sisters!
White chick: Don't you mean “sistas”?
Asian chick: Oh, yeah, right.
White chick: Why is it I have to teach you ghetto language when I am the least ghetto person I know?
Homeless guy: What's wrong with the ghetto?
White chick: Nothing's wrong with the ghetto. I'm just not from there.
Homeless guy: The biggest dicks are in the ghetto!

–33rd St & 3rd Ave

Posted on August 22, 2008
Advice, Asians, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Homeless, Language Barrier, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis, Questions, White People, Words

Is It Fair That White People Monopolize All the Irony? Discuss

Guy #1: Can't believe there are so many cops out.
Guy #2: It's probably because of the 4th of July, you know, security threats, terrorism.
Drunk girl (shouts, pumps fist in the air): Oh yeah, terrorism!
Guy #2: Can you not do that 10 feet from those cops?!
Drunk girl: What, who cares? I'm white. It's ironic!

–W. 43rd & Broadway

Posted on August 14, 2008
Cops, Default, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Race, Terrorism, Threats, White People

We Stay Together for the Sake of the Espresso Maker

Bank teller: Are you two married?
Asian girl and white man (angrily): Yes. Just.
Bank teller: You're so loving.
White man: Our marriage doesn't start until noon each day.
Asian girl: After two cups of coffee.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Posted on August 14, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Asians, Bank, Coffee, Compliments, Default, Girls, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness, White People

The Occasional Hostile Stare, for Example

White girl #1: Do you live here?
White girl #2: Yeah.
White girl #1: We were thinking of moving here. How is it?
White girl #2: The super is okay. The building is fine. Good value, I guess.
White girl #1: I know! We were so excited to find a place on the Upper East Side for so cheap!
White girl #2: Uh, this isn't the Upper East Side: this is Harlem.
White girl #1: Oh… I guess that would explain a lot.

–E 129th & Madison

Posted on August 14, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, NYC Geography, Questions, Stupidity, White People

An Epidemic Of Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged white guy to younger black woman: Just leave them a message that's like "I woke up from my coma, don't worry. Not that you were worried anyway."

–Nederlander Theater

Overheard by: julia

Girl to friend: Everything was fine until I found out about the warts.

–Broadway & Waverly

Man to friends: All I know is that I was leaving town the next day, so I told her to take some Pepto-Bismol or Robitussin or whatever because I was gettin' some that night for sure!

–Bodega, 22nd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Doug Tischler

Teenage black girl, within a group of friends: Them kids with autism, they be havin' mad skills!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: r. faith

Male yuppie: If she comes back with cold sores, I'll know who to go to.

–San Domenico Restaurant, East 26th St

Girl: Rabies is my biggest enemy.

–Bellerose, Queens

Posted on August 13, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penn Station, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, The Village, Theater, Threats, White People, Yuppies

Animal, Wednesday One-Liner, or Mineral?

Man trying on hat: Hey! Do I look like John Wayne in this hat? Watch out, pilgrim! I'm planting roses!

–Botanical Garden

Girl to friend: I need a twig or a leaf or an herb or somethin'.

–C Train

White guy on cell: It's the goddamn Cherry Blossom Festival… so get your ass out here.

–Outside Brooklyn Botanical Garden

Maintenance worker to another: Oh, come on! It's not working now. Let's try plugging it into the tree.

–42 St & 2nd Ave

Flower vendor: Shut up nigga, I'll slap you! Fresh roses!

–7th Ave & 26th

Overheard by: Todd

Posted on August 13, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coworkers, Friends, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Threats, Trees and plants, Vendors & Street Performers, White People

Anyone Else Find the Name “Cosmo” to Be the Most Disturbing Part of This Quote?

(a little black boy is skipping away from his group)
Middle aged black lady: Yeah, you skip Cosmo!
Nerdy 13-year-old white boy: Yeah, skip to your own fuckin' loo, motherfucker!

–6th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Posted on August 1, 2008
Black People, Boys, Default, Insults, Kids, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, White People, Women

'Cause I'm Gangstrous!

White college dude with glasses: Guys, you absolutely must check out this new reality television show. It is off the hiz-ook. Literally, off the hiz-ook.
College chick: Why do we hang out with you?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on July 31, 2008
Advice, Columbia University, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Questions, Sorority Girls, TV, White People, Words