Wednesday One-Liners Use “Summer” As a Verb

Older woman to friend: Down there where the servants are, you know, where the gardening people and the kitchen is, I don't go there. I just don't go there.

–38th & 5th

Overheard by: garden in manhattan?

Greek Princess shopping for wedding rings: This isn't the more expensive ring I wanted but we just bought an apartment in the 70s.

–Tiffany's Second Floor

Overprivileged teenage girl on cell: The bourgeoisie… The bourgeoisie are like, the common people.

–Union Square

College girl: No, I mean seriously: who, by the age of 25, has not been to Rome or Florence?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Dan

Six-year-old: Mommy, how do you spell "Forbes"?

–Restaurant, Upper East Side

Overheard by: jess

Posted on August 10, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Sorority Girls, Store, Stupidity, Teens, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Don’t Forget Grandma Today Either!

Woman #1: I got my grandmother the hugest card for Mother’s Day. She likes things that are really big.
Man: See, and they always told me that size doesn’t matter.
Woman #1: It really doesn’t matter what it says; she doesn’t understand English, anyway.
Woman #2: Do you think giving her the big card makes her understand it better the same way people think that talking louder to people who can’t speak English make them understand you?

–14th Street elevator

Posted on August 7, 2014
Age/Aging, Creepsters, Elevators, Holidays, Idiots, Penis, Women

(Actually, Turtles Don’t Age)

Chick #1: So did you call him?
Chick #2: Nah.
Chick #1: Why not?
Chick #2: He literally looks like an old turtle.

–D Train

Posted on August 3, 2014
Age/Aging, Biotechs, Insults, On the Subway

..And This is How They Undress

12 year old chick: You see? I told you! This is how the grown-ups dress.

–East Village

Posted on July 25, 2014
Age/Aging, Fashion, Kids, Manhattan, People, Places, Topics, Union Square and East Village

More Deli Fun

Deli guy: Yo Susan, how’s life treating you?
Customer: Bad. I need an new life.
Deli guy: Your life’s almost over and you need a new one?

–Bensonhurst

Posted on July 25, 2014
Age/Aging, Brooklyn, Death, Delis, Depressed

Campaign Manager is the New 39

Reporter: Can I have your age?
Woman: Campaign manager.

–Daily News Office

Posted on July 13, 2014
Age/Aging, Idiots, Office

I Think I’m The Old 28…

Man: 40 is the new 30; my teacher said that. She said 12 is the new 11. But she used to say 11 was the new 10.

–St. Mark’s Place

Posted on July 13, 2014
Age/Aging, Manhattan, Men, People, Places, Teachers/Professors, Topics, Union Square and East Village

They Grow Up So Fast

Asian Kid: The fucking Triads are on your tail, bitch. Run!
Hispanic Kid: Fuck that! The Latin Kings will pump lead into your asses.
Black Kid: Nah, the Bloods and Crips will beat you down.
Jewish Kid: Yo…Um…I’ll get my yarmulke peoples to smack you all, son. What now nigga spic chink bitch ho? Suck my matzoh balls, bitch!

–Canal Street

Overheard by: Jonathan Harris