Guy to friend: She overdosed for the first time when she was, like, 14.
Friend: She told you that? (pause) Some first date…
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: JG
Guy to friend: She overdosed for the first time when she was, like, 14.
Friend: She told you that? (pause) Some first date…
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: JG
Drunk Asian girl: I was like totally supposed to be born on January 23, but was really born a week later, so like on January 30th. Then, a few years later, my sister was born on January 22. She like stole my birthday!
Gay guy: What a bitch!
Drunk Asian girl: I know! I always thought she was older than me because of that!
–Downtown A Train
Chick on cell: Yeah, I'm like a hardcore rollerblader now. I just haven't learned how to stop yet.
–44th & 3rd
Steroid Freak: So I was hanging from his torso and then we tried to insert the triangle…
–25th & Lexington
Young man to friend: He likes me, he likes my style… he wants me to contort my limbs on a float.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Eyeteeth
Bored teenage girl (from 2nd story window): Hello, Mr Runner man! You've got a long way to go! I see you across the street there, wearing all black. These are words of encouragement! I support your acts of fitness!
–Vanderbilt & Bergen
Overheard by: Jilly
Female power-walker with cigarette: I used to be able to make a mile in under 7, but that was, you know, way back in college, before the job and the (runs out of breath) …way back.
–Prospect Park Loop
Overheard by: EmLo
Guy: Okay, here’s the plan: we paint your van, then you have sex with Susan, then I’ll have sex with…someone else. Then we both smoke a lot of weed…
–1st Ave
Overheard by: chris & daile
Teen boy: Yo, I just stopped smoking weed, cause, like, I heard it was bad for you. So I started smoking cigarettes again.
–G train
Queer on cell, taking deep drags of cigarette: No, I’m not! I told you I quit. [Exhales] Umm, that was just me blowing my bangs out of my eyes.
–Outside Bally Fitness, 50th St
Smoker: I read somewhere that if you quit smoking by the time you are middle aged your body can still recover, and I thought, “Great I still have a couple more years to quit.” Then I read what they define “middle aged” as. I’m fucked!
–Upper East Side gallery
Biotech: God, I’m getting so old!
Friend: Old? You’re only six months older than me.
Biotech: Whatever. You totally still could have been aborted by the time I was born.
–114th & Broadway
Black woman #1: She thinks we're too old for laser tag!
Black woman #2: Uh-huh.
Black woman #1: I mean, as long as we aren't, like, thirty or something, we're okay.
–Dunkin Donuts, 125th & Lenox
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Girl #1: Wait, how old was he?
Girl #2: He’s 26.
Girl #1: Oh, I thought he was in his 20s.
Girl #2: Uh, yeah, he’s 26.
Girl #1: Oh…
–29th & 3rd
Overheard by: Zohra Chagany
Kid to another: And then, when you're 45, we can be tour guides.
–West Village
Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth
Tour guide: This tour will be in English, we have tour pamphlets in several other languages. If you are a non English speaking passenger, this announcement is of no use to you.
–Circle Line Harbor Lights Cruise
Overheard by: Trixie
Overexcited bespectacled tour guide leader to group of uninterested parents: So! That's the great thing, you know, about this school, is that it's not just you. It's the city, and the students, and the people, and the tourists, and… (starts to run out of things to say) the homeless people, and the squirrels… and pigeons! So, you see, it's not ever just you!
–Bobst Library, NYU
Tour guide on bus: Now over here we have Trump Towers. Donald is not in the building today, as he is out of country awaiting the birth of his next wife.
–Trump Towers
Very Jewish lady behind deli counter: So, how have you been?
Very old Jewish man: Oh, I'm still here.
–Zabar's Deli
Queer #1: He just got so fat, like, he didn’t even care anymore. It was disgusting.
Queer #2: Well, it happens when you get older. I’ll never let myself get fat. Will you?
Queer #1: Never!
Queer #2: Yes, you will. You’ll be like a big fat balloon with two fat little arms sticking out, barely able to hold onto the bottle of Jack Daniels you’ll be guzzling.
–A train, 86th St
