Beauty

Wednesday One-Liners Burn, Baby, Burn

Queer: Hanging out with him is like doing charity work.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: J. Ann

Ghetto girl to thug: You can’t touch this. Keep reminiscin’, mothafucka.

–106th & Columbus

Overheard by: Shmoop

Guy on cell: I’ll be real with you, man. I know more than you. I know a lot more than you.

–17th & 5th

Altruist: He’s really nice so I just fake it sometimes.

–Elevator, 120 Wall St

Overheard by: Aubrie

Teen girl: She did what? Oh my God, she is, like, so off my top 8.

–1 train

Queer: Well, I do like the person you want to be.

–Washington & Charles

Loud chick: Who knows how he lucked out into marrying her? I’m just always thinking, lady, you are hot, and yet you married an Ewok.

–Starbucks, 71st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

What Is It About Alt-world Neil Patrick Harris?

40-something woman #1: Look at his little face! Look at his little pink face!
40-something woman #2: Oh. My. God.
40-something woman #1: Look at his little pink face!
40-something woman #2: Isn't he cute?! Look at him!
40-something woman #1: So cute.
40-something woman #2: On my god! I can't believe how cute he is.
40-something woman #1: He is so cute! His little pink face!
40-something woman #2: So cute.
(pause)
40-something woman #1: Isn't he cute?!?!
40-something woman #2: Oh. My. God. So. Fucking. Cute.
40-something woman #1: I love him! He's so cute!
40-something woman #2: So cute.
40-something woman #1: I just can't stand it!

–14D Bus

Translation: I Would Kill to Be Her

Fat ugly woman: I mean she is not a pretty girl, but she is a great dancer.
Thin ugly woman: Yeah, she can definitely dance.
Fat ugly woman: Dance yes, but there is something wrong with her face.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Hannah

Not “I'll Fuck You” Good, But Good Nonetheless

Construction worker #1 to hot girl: Damn baby, did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes)
Construction worker #2: Your name must be Candy 'cause you look so sweet!
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes again, laughing a little)
Construction worker #3: Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Hot girl (laughs hysterically): That's gotta be the best I've ever heard!

–65th & Broadway

Overheard by: Right to the point. Nice.

Camel Toe Maybe

(two girls walk by, dressed as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell)
Gay boy: Aww, she's so cute, that little fairy!
Flaming gay boy: (gives gay boy a look)
Gay boy: What?
Flaming gay boy: Fairies have bods. All fairies.
Gay boy (laughing): She wasn't that big.
Flaming gay boy: Bitch, fairies do not have rolls!

–LIRR

Do Girls Have Penises? Discuss

Straight guy #1: I saw this show on TV about guys who would date girls even if they have a penis ‘cuz they were so hot!
Straight guy #2: Penis is definitely the deal breaker for me.

–187th St & Broadway

But I Feel Pretty

Hobo: Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl.
Girl he’s staring at: Thank you.
Hobo: Not you! You ain’t pretty!

–Crosstown bus

Either Way, She’s Easily Manipulated

Chick #1: So, just out of curiosity, this new girl he’s seeing — is she she cute?
Chick #2: She’s okay, but I think she sort of looks like a Muppet.
Chick #1: Really? Well, that can go either way… She can be an ugly Muppet or a cute Muppet.

–Tribeca

Overheard by: aria grillo

Pandora Can’t Get a Break

Guy #1: So I was talkin’ to him ’bout his sister–
Guy #2: Yo man, that chick is so fine.
Guy #1: Man, I know what you mean. But she naive, you know? She don’t know how fine she is.
Guy #2: Yeah. Naive.
Guy #1: But then she had the nerve to touch his boxes. What chick touches a guy’s boxes? She got an ugly soul.

–E train

Overheard by: Suzie

To Make It Explicit: The Center is Full of Rich Butter

Girl #1: Yeah, that French kid’s pretty hot.
Girl #2: His butt is like…it’s like a croissant!
Girl #1: Ohmigod, ew. But yeah, it’s true.

–1 train

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