Wednesday One-Liners Can Pick Up Quarters With No Hands

Girl on cell: Quite frankly, I’d rather be pole dancing.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: braincurve

Girl: I mean, I’m a stripper, but that don’t mean I’m a ho.

–Central Park

Guy on cell: I don’t get the whole Penthouse Club thing. There are strippers, and they serve you steak? I don’t want a fucking stripper on my lap while I’m eating steak. I’ve got a knife.

–Austin Street, Forest Hills

Overheard by: Ethan

Black girl: ‘Fo real, she makes all that money dancin’, and she can’t even herself get a weave?

–86th & 2nd

Posted on October 16, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Central Park, Dancing, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, Queens, Upper East Side

That’s Clearly What’s Written There

White guy: Yo, what up my nigga?
Black guy: Chillin’, bro.
White chick #1: Did you hear what he just said?
White chick #2: Yeah, but it’s OK, he said nigga, not nigger.

–Sullivan Street

Overheard by: Uncle Ray Ray

Posted on August 26, 2020
Black People, Language Barrier, Lower Manhattan, White People

American Booty Failed to Draw Crowds to Theaters

Large black woman sitting down on park bench: Oooh, my booty itchy!
Large black woman friend, sitting down with her: Ha ha! You talkin' bout “my booty itchy!”

–Avenue of the Americas & Canal

Posted on August 22, 2020
Ass, Black People, Fat People, Laughter, Parks, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Not to Diminish Your Actual Painful Experience in Any Way

Black guy: When I was little I had an inferiority complex because I was the only kid in my school with nappy hair since I went to a white school.
White chick: I think I read a book about that once.

–118th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Posted on July 27, 2020
Black People, Books & Writing, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Psychology, Race, School and studying, White People

Is It Too Late to Apologize for Mooning You?

Black girl #1: Damn, girl! You're hairy! I dunno if it's cause I'm light-skinned, you're hairy!
Black girl #2: Thanks. Thanks… (walks away)
Black girl #1: You're like a werewolf!

–H&M Dressing Room, Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: hoping shes not a werewolf too…

Posted on July 18, 2020
Black People, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Hair, Physical appearance, Queens, Store, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

My Wig’s about to Achieve Liftoff

Old white woman: Oh, it’s so windy today!
Black girl: Word. My weave’s about to blow off my head.
Old white woman: I hear that.

–M66 bus

Posted on June 27, 2020
Black People, Hair, On the Bus, White People

Thank God the Wednesday One-Liners’ Strike Is Over

Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Poogins

Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!

–10th Street & 3rd Ave

Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!

–Times Square Office Building

Overheard by: SUSAN

Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.

–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.

–On the Bus

Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."

–15th between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Disunionsquare

Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]

–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square

Posted on June 3, 2020
A-List, About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Black People, Buildings, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Crazy, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Homeless, Hootchies, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Street, Thugs, Time, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Women

Well I Am Begging with a Starbucks Cup

Hobo: Can you spare some change? Or food?
Black lady: Nigga, get a job. This neighborhood's gone too bourgeois for your ass to be begging.

–West 4th

Overheard by: bella

Posted on May 17, 2020
Advice, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Default, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Questions, West Village, Women

The Unbearable Lightness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Rastafarian man to white basketball female player with dreads: Hey! Why you white people always trying to look like me!

–Union Square

Black guy selling Empire State Building tickets: You're from Scotland? I love the Scots… They're puuuuuuurrreee white!

–Outside Empire State Building

Black woman to another, about frat guys nearby: Man, white people are so loud.

–109th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Becks

Black hobo to white teen: Get out of this neighborhood with your white crotch! You don't belong here!

–Upper West Side

Black woman to cops walking away: But I'm a Caucasian!

–Bed-Stuy

Posted on May 13, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Black People, Brooklyn, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Empire State Building, Frat Boys, Hair, Hobos, One-liners, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, Race, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

Think I Could Pass Off Bulimia As Repeated Exorcisms?

Black girl #1: You look great. You are like wasting away from your fast.
Black girl #2: Thanks! I asked my brother the other day if I continued fasting after Lent ends, would that be considered a diet or just anorexia?
Black girl #3: Oh my god! I always want to do that.
Black girl #2: He said anorexia, but I'm still thinking about it.

–Town Hall, 43rd St

Overheard by: jesus would be so proud

Posted on May 9, 2020
Black People, Diet/Weight, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance

Black People