Those Who Marry for Wednesday One-Liners Earn Them

Girl to friend: I mean, if he was rich I would pretend to like him; but he's not, so…

–46th & 3rd

Guy on street to couple: Baby girl, you're just embarrassing yourself. Don't do it. You know you're just with him for his money cuz everyone knows white men ain't got no dick.

–5th & 32nd

Ghetto young man: That is why I'm gonna marry a rich white woman. My daughter needs a good life; my sugar mama can pay for her to go to a private school. I'm a playa, but I gotta marry a rich white woman for my baby girl.

–A Train

20-something guy to friends: So this chick I like says "let's wait until you start making money til we start dating." So I said to her "what makes you think I want to date you once I start making money?"

–St Mark's

Posted on March 31, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Comebacks, Couples, Dating, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Fakes, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, School and studying, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Red Lobster Is Fancier

Teenage black girl to white guy and black girlfriend: Take her to Red Lobster! Red Lobster is the best. It's like an expensive date restaurant.
50-something black guy, interrupting: Red Lobster? Are you fucking serious? Red Lobster is fast food!
Teenage girl, after rethinking: Well… There's a Denny's in Brooklyn.

–LIRR

Posted on March 25, 2010
Advice, Black People, Couples, Dating, Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Teens, Trains Not Subway, White People

New York Has a Lot Of Nice People (Don't Tell Anybody)

Large black bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, I see a lot of black people on here and you are going to have to move to the back of the bus, cause we got a bunch of white folk up here that gotta get on! (pause) I'm not kidding. If there were white folk back there I'd tell them to move, but it's all black folk, so you're gonna have to get over it and move to the back of the bus!
Large black woman to small white girl: You can have my seat if you want.
Small white girl: No, thanks… I'm okay.
Large black woman: I'm not gonna go Rosa Parks on you… You have a lot of shit… You can take the seat.

–M60 Bus

Posted on March 23, 2010
Black People, Bus, Bus Drivers, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Race, White People

…I Had a Big Lunch.

Fat black chick to random guy, rubbing and grabbing crotch: Mmm, come here baby, I washed it for ya.
Random guy: No, I don't want any of that.

–Penn Station

Posted on March 13, 2010
Biotechs, Black People, Cleanliness, Fat People, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Strangers, Vagina, Wishes & desires

Wednesnogsday One-Liners

White male to group of friends: I thought she was really into me… Then I turned around and she was kissing Mary.

–Pace University

Girl to boyfriend kissing her hand: Are you kissing my hand or wiping your nose?

–Central Park

Young boy to friend: Wow, lesbians kissing! I've only seen that on the internet!

–Grand Central Station

Black man to two men and two women making out indiscriminately: I thought all y'alls was gay, but now y'alls kissin' each other. I don't know what to think.

–Splash Bar

Posted on March 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Body Parts, Boys, Central Park, College, Couples, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Guys, Internet, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Sexuality, Strangers, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

…And You're in Big Trouble When I Get Home Later.

Conductor: Tickets, please.
Ghetto commuter woman: What's taking so long?
Conductor: (no response)
Ghetto commuter women: Hello? Can you answer me?
Conductor: Can I just have your ticket?
Ghetto commuter woman: Hold on. Youse a rude-ass motherfucker.
Conductor: That's it, get off my train.
Ghetto commuter woman: Youse still a rude-ass motherfucker!

–LIRR

Overheard by: hungover commuter

Posted on February 27, 2010
Black People, Conductors, Insults, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Trains Not Subway

How Was Your Martin Luther King Day, New York?

Nurse to Asian woman at free blood pressure screening: Ma'am, you need to get your high blood pressure checked out by a doctor.
Asian woman: No English.
Elderly black woman: I speak Chinese.
Nurse: Really?
Elderly black woman: Yeah. Ching-ching-ching!

–Harlem

Overheard by: LisaG

Posted on February 26, 2010
Advice, Asians, Black People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Language Barrier, Medicine, Nurses, Stupidity, Women

The Original Precious Script Left Something to Be Desired

Large African-American woman: Mm-hmm.
Slightly less large African-American woman: Mm-hmm! (shakes head)

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: WA

Posted on February 26, 2010
Black People, Fat People, On the Subway, Talking/Convos, Weirdness

Tonight's Movie: How to Succeed in Business Without Really Fuckin' Tryin'

Thugged-out black mailroom-type guy: So, you know Liz on the 10th floor?
Thugged-out white mailroom-type guy: Yeah, what about her?
Thugged-out black mailroom-type guy: I was trying to tell her that she needs to stop fuckin with me.
Thugged-out white mailroom-type guy: Yeah, what'd she say?
Thugged-out black mailroom-type guy: Bitch hung up in my face.
Thugged-out white mailroom-type guy: Yeah?
Thugged-out black mailroom-type guy: Yeah. I called her back.
Thugged-out white mailroom-type guy: Yeah, what'd you say?
Thugged-out black mailroom-type guy: I said, “Yo, Liz! That was like maaaad unprofessional and shit.”

–1 Train

Overheard by: MissUNYC

Posted on February 21, 2010
Advice, Black People, Jobs & Careers, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Questions, Thugs

Wasn't This a Chris Rock Documentary?

Black woman #1: So, she's got him at her place setting up her new furniture while she's out fucking another guy.
Black woman #2: Where does he think she's at?
Black woman #1: Her hair done. She's got him convinced that it takes eight hours to relax that short shit.
Black woman #2: Man, that's why a white man should never date a black woman. I'd never get away with that shit with my man.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Overhearer

Posted on February 21, 2010
Black People, Dating, Hair, Infidelity, Lies, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Race, Sex, Time, Women

Black People