Wednesday's One-Liner Sense Is Tingling

Black man in Batman suit trying to get tourists to pay to take pictures with him: I got bills! I got bills!

–Times Square

Overheard by: kpan

Traffic cop, motioning in vain for car to stop: I guess my powers aren't working today…

–Citifield, 7 Train Entrance

Teenage girl: I love my physics teacher. He's like a fat, middle-aged Superman.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Large man with heavy accent shouting into cell: Please send somebody–I have just been robbed. (pause) I am on the corner. (pause) What do you mean, "white"? He is a Spiderman! He's wearing a Spiderman suit!

–Stanton & Essex

Posted on May 5, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Cops, Diet/Weight, Fast Times at New York High, Fat People, Lower East Side, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pictures, Queens, School and studying, Superheroes, Teens, Thievery, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…and Your Little Dog, Too!

Old black woman on bicycle with yapping dog in basket: Get out of the way! Get the fuck out of the way! Get out of the way, white fuckers!
White man standing in street: Fuck you, you… non-white person!

–NYU

Posted on May 2, 2010
Black People, Insults, Men, NYU, Old People, Race, White People, Women

…Right After I Pray for Pussy.

Old black man #1: You know I'm goin' to court tomorrow?
Old black man #2: Yeah, I know. I'll be praying for you… I always do.

–Deli, 113th St & Lenox

Posted on May 1, 2010
Black People, Crime and Punishment, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Old People, Questions, Religion

White People Flee the Train Before It Gets to Wednesday One-Liners

Sassy black woman: You think I would have brunch in Harlem? I wouldn't even have lunch in Harlem!

–D Train

Overheard by: laughing

Dramatic girl on cell: But I love you. I would go to Harlem and back for you!

–Starbucks

Girl: Wow, Harlem is like a cultural playground. There are stores and everything.

–Metro-North

Columbia freshman girl: I would never let anybody in Harlem touch my vagina.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meagan

Posted on April 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Love, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Starbucks, Students, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

What Lubriderm Commercials Are Like in the Netherlands

Old black man: Do you know why my hands are so soft?
White girl: No… Why?
Old black man: Because I'm a pimp, and pimps always have soft hands.

–2 Train

Posted on April 27, 2010
Black People, Body Parts, Jobs & Careers, Old People, On the Subway, Prostitution, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Give a Cluck

Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.

–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave

Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!

–N Train

Overheard by: I want some ribs too

Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!

–Baxter St & Walker St

Overheard by: Kristin

High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.

–86 St

Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!

–Downtown F Train

Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!

–11st St & 3rd Ave

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Birds, Black People, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Masturbation, Murder, Museums, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Porn, Queer guys, Street, Students, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

In New York, Even a Compliment Can Get You Beaten Up

Doo-wop busker: Hey man, anyone ever tell you that you look just like Wynton Marsalis?
Black guy who does actually look like Wynton Marsalis: Who?
White woman: Oh! Yeah, he does!
Doo-wop busker: Yeah, am I right? Wynton Marsalis, in the flesh.
Black guy: I don't even know who that is.
Doo-wop busker: Jazz trumpet, man. Genius.
White woman: He's a wonderful musician. You should look him up!
Black guy: Uh, sure. What was the name again?
Doo-wop busker: Wyn-ton. Mar-sa-lis. They ever make a movie of his life, you got it made.

–R Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on April 19, 2010
About Celebrities, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Movies, Music, Musicians, Names, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, White People

Wednesday One-Liners' Cocktail Hour Started Back in the Eighties

Cop to another: Are you drunk yet?

–Corner of 145th St

Frustrated-sounding NYU student to friend: Well, why don't you get a girl and you can just pretend she's drunk?

–Washington Square

Future rabbi: So my philosophy professor, Lenny Kravitz, told us we'll be drinking scotch in class tomorrow…

–4th & Broadway

Drunk black guy arguing on phone: Man, you need to stop drinkin'. Not only is yo speech gettin' slurred, but yo brains is gettin' slurred too!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Ashley

Dude to friend: I swear to god, every time he gets a little buzzed he thinks he's Austin Powers.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: thivnav

Posted on April 7, 2010
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Education, Friends, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Music, Names, One-liners, Parks, Philosophy, Questions, Relationships, School and studying, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners for Change

Black lady to family in obama t-shirts: You know how all those irish people have pictures of kennedy hanging up in their living rooms? Now we can do that too!

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Definitely has a JFK picture in her apartment

Guy selling obama-themed condoms: Remember the election with every erection!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mary Button

Black woman with a child in her stroller braiding her hair: There's gona be a lot of braidin in the white house.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway surfer

Woman on cell phone: Girl, if I can get to the front of the line at the vma's I can get to the front of the line at the damn inauguration. Shiiiit it's barack obama, girl!

–manhattan dental waiting room

Overheard by: Catherine

Stoned kid to a group of his friends discussing politics: You know what's scary bro? If obama gets assassinated, george bush is gonna be president again.

–1 Train @ 2AM going Downtown

Black man handing out metro: "get your obama metro! Get your obama metro! See, anyone can be president… I'm next!"

–59th Street, Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Yes we can!

Posted on April 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Democrats, Erections, Families, Fears, Friends, Hospitals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Pictures, Politics, President, Race, Stoners, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

Black People