They Started at the Mystery Section

Girl: Excuse me, do you have any biographies of TuPac?
Library guy: Probably, though they’d be with the other biographies on the second floor.
Dude: But isn’t this the fiction section?
Library guy: It is. You might be able to find some books about him in non-fiction.
Girl: “Non-fiction”?
Library guy: Non-fiction means true.
Dude: …And fiction means false.
Library guy: Sort of.
Girl: So if it’s in non-fiction then that means he must still be alive.
Library guy: I don’t think you understand.

–Brooklyn Public Library, Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed

Posted on March 27, 2006
About Celebrities, Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Death, Music, Pop Culture, Stupidity, Teens

I’m Assuming This is Somehow Racist

Cop #1: When I’m fucking a cunt, I like to hurt it. You like to hurt a cunt when you’re fucking it?
Cop #2: Yeah. What do I give a fuck? It ain’t my cunt.

–Police Plaza

Overheard by: Steve Bookocki

Posted on March 25, 2006
Brooklyn, Getting Off, Jobs & Careers, National Security, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Violence

Wednesday One-liners Sit on the Throne

Woman on cell: Hold on, I have to juggle, I’m pushing a stroller, walking the dog and holding a big bag of poop.

–189th & Broadway

Posted on March 22, 2006
Arts & Letters, Astoria, Brooklyn, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Manhattan, More museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Queens, Retail Therapy, Should've Used a Condom, Stall Spies, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-liners Are for Boobs

Drunk girl: What kind of guys do you like?…What kind of guys do you like? I like guys with big tits.

–2nd Avenue & 11th Street

Overheard by: vegantoast

Posted on March 22, 2006
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Fashion, Food, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Poop, Queens, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-liners Are on the Other Line

Construction guy: Well, she didn’t sound Chinese over the phone.

–Fulton & William

Posted on March 22, 2006
Asians, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Etiquette, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Retail Therapy, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-liners Still Like Jesse

Guy: Did you see that woman? She looked at us like she’d never seen a black man before.

–NYU College of Dentistry elevator, East 24th Street

Posted on March 22, 2006
Asians, Brooklyn, College, Drinking & Drunk People, Elevators, Etiquette, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, National Security, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Religion, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Breathing

Chick #1: So I took out the butter, you know, in the butter dish.
Chick #2: And…
Chick #1: It had been an avocado, like a year ago.
Chick #2: Ew!
Chick #1: So I just skipped breakfast.
Chick #2: What did you do with it?
Chick #1: What do you mean, what did I do with it?
Chick #2: Like, did you throw the whole butter dish away or what?
Chick #1: I just put it back in the fridge.
Chick #2: Right.

–Starbucks, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on March 20, 2006
Brooklyn, Food, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity

How Was Your St. Paddy’s Day, New York?

Hobo: Spare some change for the leprechaun? I just need four dollars to get back over the rainbow.

–1 train

Posted on March 20, 2006
Anger Management, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Celebrities Overheard, Drinking & Drunk People, Hobos, Jews, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The Buddhist Guys Are Too Fat

Girl #1: You should date the Jew; he would take you out to dinner and then they bone you.
Girl #2: Oh, as opposed to the Catholic ones that we just bone and skip dinner altogether?

–3rd Avenue & 10th Street

Posted on March 18, 2006
Brooklyn, Dating, Jews, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity

The Game’s Almost Up

Old man: Life is just a game.
Dude: Totally.
Old man: Some people do crosswords, I wake up in the morning.

–Mama B’s Cafe, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Terrence Adams

Posted on March 18, 2006
Brooklyn, Death, Old People, Restaurants & Cafes