Chick: …And she just lets him in!
Guy: And you’re asleep?
Chick: I’m asleep, and he comes over, and she opens the door for him.
Guy: And she leaves?
Chick: Yeah! So we’re alone, right, and he comes and, like, crawls into bed with me!
Guy: Whoa.
Chick: And I sleep naked, right?
Guy: Right.
Chick: So I’m like, what the fuck?
Guy: You should fire her as a roommate.
Chick: Naw, it sort of turned out all right.
–Brittany Hall Residence elevator, East 10th Street
Woman, talking about the Italian feast in Williamsburg: And they have games and rides and food. And at the end of the week they get strong men together to carry the statue.
Tourist: The Statue of Liberty?
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: just the driver
Black guy: Cold water! Cold water! One dollar. One dollar! Newports — five dollars! Get the special: Newports and ice-cold water! Six dollars! Six dollars!
White guy: Do you have Camel Lights?
Black guy: Get the fuck out of here!
White guy: Well, then just a bottle of water, please.
–Broadway & Gates, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Peter
Teen girl #1: I have worn this shirt three times in my entire life, and every time I do she wears the exact same one.
Teen girl #2: That’s because she’s a slut.
–Poly Prep Country Day School, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Casey Ross
Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!
–Grand Central
Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.
–44th St & Broadway
Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?"
–59th St & Lexington
Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?
–Brooklyn College
Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: christopher james
Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.
–F Train
Yuppie girl: Are you sure? I thought it was pronounced “you-mor”.
Yuppie guy: No. It’s “humor”. Huh, huh, huh. With an “h”.
Yuppie girl: Really? I’ve heard people say that. I’ve heard people say “you-mor”. Who says it that way?
Yuppie guy: Assholes.
–Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Tim Noonan
Girl #1: You know what's ghetto, though?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: When an aunt is younger than the niece. That's ghetto.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Vinny
(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?
–47th & Madison
Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?
–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Didn't want the details
Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski
Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.
–Willets Point, Queens
Overheard by: Random Asian Chick
