Brunette: So, did you tell your mom yet?
Blonde: Yeah, my boyfriend was actually more upset about it than she was. She’s really laid-back.
Brunette: That’s good.
Blonde: Yeah, she said as long as I went to a nice, clean place to get it done, she’s happy.
–6 train
Overheard by: Allicat
Wannabe hipster #1: Oh my god, I feel, like, soooo sexy. And he thinks so too. I haven't showered in like, two days.
Wannabe hipster #2: Oh my god, like, that's sooooo sexy.
Wannabe hipster #1: I am sooooo sexy…
–57th & 10th
Excited girlfriend: Hey, are these soap bars?
Disinterested boyfriend: I don't know, why don't you drop one and find out?
–Bath & Body Works
Headline by: Harriet
Runners-Up:
· “And Nine Months Later…” – Junior
· “Dating Ex-Cons Has Its Drawbacks” – Mike
· “Part Of Bloomberg’s “Clean Up the Village!” Program?” – Bobo D Clown
· “Prison Etiquette 101” – Kosi
Gay boyfriend #1: I'm so disappointed. I really didn't like that as much as mine.
Gay boyfriend #2: You think yours is better?
Gay boyfriend #1: Definitely! Next time I'm bringing my own soap.
–City Opera
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!
–Blarney Rock Pub
Overheard by: Ant928
Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.
–Union Square
Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.
–Chipotle, Broadway
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!
–7-Eleven
Overheard by: CatVonD
NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: melbert
Five-year-old: Wipe!
60-year-old father: What for?
Five-year-old: Daddy, I need a wipe! Now! I think I spilled!
–60th St
Teenage tourist #1: Why are American toilets so dirty?
Teenage tourist #2: Because people want to sue.
–Broome Street, Bathroom Line
Overheard by: The Messenger
Older black man to nobody in particular: Ain't nothin' done changed in two-hundred years! White folks is still goin' round makin' a mess and then makin' a black man come in and clean up after them…
–Post Office, Gun Hill & Jerome, The Bronx
Asian girl: Do white people eat sandwiches for dinner?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Spec
Black teen girl: If a sister is feeding a white bitch, you know she is fucked up.
–T.G.I. Friday's
Overheard by: Chris K
Black chick: But can a Frenchman be a honky?
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hunter
Linguistically savvy hobo: The term "cracker" originated from a man named Robert Whitely. It was used to refer to people as "white trash".
–37th & 3rd
Latina woman to elderly mother: We gonna find you a seat soon, mami. If I gotta beat up white bitches… Let's go.
–3rd & 1st
Overheard by: j
Tipsy, barefoot woman, lifting skirt in broad daylight: Gotta air out my coochie!
–W 88th St
Belligerent drunk woman: I've never even heard of these fucking stops! (later) Scarsdale! I don't even know how to spell "Scarsdale"! Other than…Scarsdale. (later) What the fuck is Hartsdale? Slap me across the face with a big dick!
–Metro-North Train
Drunk girl to friends sitting on a couch left on the sidewalk: Don't sit on that couch, it's probably covered in bodily urine!
–East Village
Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor
Drunk wife to drunk husband during poker game: Don't you dare tell me about things that I don't understand!
–Poker Game, Astoria
Overheard by: NYCWATERBABY
Drunk girl: Bedford Avenue does not know how to find the clit!
–L Train
Mother: When you go into the stall do not sit down on that toilet seat!
Girl: OK, Mommy.
Mother closes the door and goes into the next stall.
Girl: Mommy?
Mother: Yes?
Girl: I’m sittin’ all over this toilet!
Mother: Girl, I told you not to sit on that toilet!
–Wendy’s ladies room, W. 34th and 8th Ave
