Preppy girl: Come on, you have to go with us.
Athletic girl: I can’t, remember I don’t have a bra on and I have Lynn’s shirt.
–Cafeteria, Queens College
Overheard by: Waiting for time to pass.
Preppy girl: Come on, you have to go with us.
Athletic girl: I can’t, remember I don’t have a bra on and I have Lynn’s shirt.
–Cafeteria, Queens College
Overheard by: Waiting for time to pass.
Woman in stall #1: I hate it when this happens!
Woman in stall #2: What?
Woman in stall #1: These pants! They looked so nice but they flatten my ass. My ass is flat now. I look like pancake ass!
–Fitting Room, Staten Island
Guy #1: Yo, man. I lost seven pounds. Can you believe it?
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Really?
Guy #1: Yeah, I got a fuckin’ shoestring on my pants.
Guy #2: Uh…
Guy #1: I don’t like this. I liked being fat.
–CVS, Allerton
Overheard by: Lee
Guy #1: Yeah–it was great! They gave me all this stuff, three pairs of shoes and some shorts, just for showing up.
Guy #2: That’s great! When did you get out of the psych ward?
Guy #1: Just today!
–Stuyvesant Place, Staten Island
Conductor: This is 81st street. Get off here for the big museum of dead stuff.
–Uptown C Train
Overheard by: Barry P.
PA announcer: Ladies and gentleman, we remind you to please be considerate of other passengers, and please keep your bags off the seats. I am karate trained, and will clear them by force if necessary.
–7 Train Subway Platform
Overheard by: your girl Dunham
Conductor on speakers: This is the 1:34 am last train to Dover. There are two toilets, one in the front and one in the second carriage. Please try your hardest to make it in there. And make sure to get off at your stop. Stay alert people. If you pass out you will end up in Dover.
–Penn Station, NJ Transit
MTA conductor: Near the rear doors, in the blue shirt and black tie, get your saggy stomach clear of the closing doors! 5th Avenue is next.
–E Train, 7th Avenue Station
Overheard by: jeannine
Conductor: Once more, ladies and gentlemen, things that should not be in the doors when they are closing: heads, shoulders, knees or toes, no purses, arms, or slow companions.
–Downtown 6 Train
Conductor: For those of you who don’t know, today is national train appreciation day. I think I deserve a round of applause. (passengers applaud) Now for those of you transferring to the Montauk train, I want you to think about how much more uncomfortable it would be if you had to make that trip by stagecoach.
–LIRR
Overheard by: androgenious
Waspy girl on cell: No, it’s totally safe up here. I mean there are hipsters on the street.
Passing hipster (to friend wearing Members Only jacket): Is she talking about us?
–125th & Park
Woman: So what did you do?
Gay man: I put my pants back on and left the apartment -he was just a house sitter!
–53rd St & 9th Ave
Woman #1: Ooh. I like that top!
Woman #2: Thanks.
Woman #1: It’s very Sex and the City. Where’d ya get it?
Woman #2: Penney’s.
–Shuttle Train to Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Robert
Hobo: The best way to fight terrorism is not with guns and bombs, but with beer and porno. Beer and porno!
–34th & 3rd
Man walking a black terrier to woman walking a brown terrier: Do you think the word "terrorist" came from the word "terrier"?
–22nd & 2nd
Grand Central loudspeaker: Will Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk… Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk.
–Grand Central Food Court
Overheard by: Reilly
Black guy: How the fuck can you curse a stadium? With a shirt? How the fuck do you do that? Tell me how that’s done! Y’all warlocks and shit? Ain’t no one can curse no one else. Cause none of you are warlocks! And if you were a fucking warlock why you cursing the fucking Yankees? Fuck, why don’t we curse Bin Laden? Send him a shirt?
–Downtown E Train
Overheard by: Withnail
Mom to child: You’ll either become a terrorist or a smelly homeless person! (child lowers his head in shame)
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Passerby
Hobo: Bush is a terrorist. Him and his father blew up WTC. (looks at Asian man) Jackie Chan is my friend. When you go to Hong Kong, tell him I said hi.
–7 Train
Petulant child: Speed walking is boring! I want to be myself!
–1st Ave & 5th St
Awkward teen boy to friend: It was really boring until I got laid.
–66th & Broadway
Chick on cell: How is pantylessness ever boring?
–113th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Young art history teacher: So basically, I like to lecture the whole first class and bore the hell out of them. That way, everything I say afterwards is interesting!
–74th & Madison
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Short girl to lab partner: Sometimes, when I’m bored, I become a tuning fork. (slowly hits herself on the head) Diiiing!
–Chemistry Lab, Stuyvesant High School
