Overheard in Wednesday One-Liners

MTA employee high-fiving another: That's why I always wear my uniform to court. I ain't no thug; I ain't no criminal; I work for the City of New York!

–127th & Lenox

Female suit to friend: Welcome to New York. Have a good day somewhere else.

–Washington Square South

Overheard by: Hey, I like New York.

Crazy bag lady to parents of babbling toddler: Shut your fucking kid up! If you want PC, this isn't the fucking place!

–AirTrain to Jamaica

Barista: I keep forgetting that "New York" doesn't equal "World."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chris K.

Girl on cell: A blood draw, a pelvic exam, and a shot in the ass all on the same day… Yeah, well, it is New York.

–Lafayette & Franklin

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Baristas, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Clothing, Coworkers, Crazies, Crazy, Etiquette, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Lower Manhattan, Offers and requests, On Cell, Suits, Washington Square Park, Women

The Guerrilla Marketing of Wednesday One-Liners

Man handing out free demos: You want a CD? It's free! It's really good! It's me! (passersby ignore him) Fine, but when I die you cannot wear a t-shirt with my face on it!

–Broadway

Overheard by: porkchop sandwiches

Guy promoting comedy club: It costs less than a movie and we'll get you drunk!

–7th & 40th

Overheard by: Erin

Guy at stall: We're slashing prices today! Today's the anniversary of Lorena Bobbit!

–Street Fair, Washington Square North

Guy selling perfume: Ladies, buy one and get my number free!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Denah

Man advertising standup comedy event: Comedy and alcohol for all you miserable bastards out there!

–Broadway

Man selling tickets to a comedy club: I hate my job! Come get drunk! Sell tickets! Sell tickets! Drinks! Drunk! Come get druuuunk!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on July 30, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Flyer people, Free stuff!, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, Shopping, Street, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Heights and Inwood

So She’s at Least As Much Of a Lady As Cruella De Vil

(cop pulls a drunk hipster chick in faux fur off the train for littering)
Drunk hipster girl: What? I can’t believe he just fucking did that! That wasn’t even her lollipop!
Drunk hipster guy: I know, man. I feel like such an asshole. Like I didn’t even do anything.
Drunk hipster girl: Like seriously, how can he just arrest her? She’s a lady! (yelling) she was wearing fur!

–L Train

Overheard by: Bewildered

Posted on July 26, 2008
Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Default, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, On the Subway, Questions

I’ll Need to Review the Ensemble Personally, First

Teenage nymphette: I want to go back to the hotel and go swimming.
Chaperone: What do you have to swim in?
Teenage nymphette: My bra and thong.
Chaperone: Oh no no, I don’t think so.

–Top of the Rock Observation Floor

Posted on July 24, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Teens, Tourist Attractions, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Down, but Not Out

Hobo with two jars in front of him: Food or drugs! Choose whether you’d like to sponsor my evening shot or dinner!

–Central Park

Homeless man: Hey, bindi-a, lookin’ good today! (Indian girl ignores his comment, begins to walk away). Fine! When you get mugged, I’m not helping you!

–Washington Square Park

Enterprising lady hobo: You could use your credit card to get cash, and give me the cash.

–Outside Dunkin’ Donuts, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Panhandling hobo: Spare some change for a large bottle of water and a nice Chef salad? Spare some change for bottled water and salad?

–Broadway & 10th St

Hobo: Hey lemme borrow those red Converse! I’ve got a hot date with Monica Lewinsky tonight!

–14th & 6th

Hobo to another: "You’re gonna turn me into a waffle?" That’s what she told me, you said! A waffle? Oh no, I don’t think so!

–23rd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: sara

Crazy hobo: Watch out for traffic and knuckleheads! Beware! (points at random pedestrian) Him! He’s a knucklehead! Don’t trust him!

–5th Ave & 49th St

Posted on July 23, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Crazies, Crazy, Dating, Drugs, Fears, Food, Hobos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Questions, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Washington Square Park, Women

You’re Welcome to Babysit Mine for a While

Dude #1: Today, I saw someone wearing jeans that were like, way too tight.
Asian chick: Skinny jeans? I love skinny jeans!
Dude #1: On a guy? These were on a guy!
Asian chick: Oh, then… no.
Dude #1: Guys shouldn’t wear their jeans that tight. It’s bad for the balls.
Dude #2: It’s seriously bad for the balls. It’s unhealthy.
Asian chick (skeptically): Nuh-uh.
Dude #2: You wouldn’t know!
Dude #1: You don’t even have balls!
Asian chick: No. (considers) But if I did, I’d play with them all the time.

–NYU Elevator

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on July 22, 2008
Asians, Balls, Clothing, Default, Elevators, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, NYU

The Girls-Gone-Wild Bar Gets Raised Every Year

Girl #1: So both the girls took off their panties and spread their cheeks for the crowd. And you would not believe it, but the one girl started eating the other one’s ass!
Girl #2: Nothing says “goodnight” like a good ass licking.

–Vespa, Upper East Side

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on July 22, 2008
Clothing, Default, Eating Out, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Nudity, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side, Weirdness

It Was the Moustache

Bum #1, slurring: Hey! That’s a nice shirt you got!
Bum #2, walking across the crosswalk, also slurring: You look like a catfish! [Turns to guy in a car.] Doesn’t he look like a damn catfish!?

–12th St & 8th Ave

Posted on July 18, 2008
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Hobos, Insults, Physical appearance, Questions, West Village

Yeah, My Long-Term Goal Is a Solid-Gold Shroud

Daughter: This is a really nice dress for my first wedding, no?
Mother: Well, for the next one you will have more money, so you can get something even nicer.

–77th & Madison