Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?

–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar

Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."

–8th Ave & Horatio St

Overheard by: Jean Ann

Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?

–Columbia University Business School Graduation

Overheard by: Jen

Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!

–42nd Street Movie Theater

Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?

–Brooklyn Theater

Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)

Posted on October 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cocaine, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Dancing, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Rape, Stupidity, Theater, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Don’t Stop ’til You Hit Columbia

Creepy guy, with buddy: Hey, do you girls live here?
Girl: Yes.
Creepy guy: Do you know where the main street is with all the little streets coming off it?
Girl: Uh…
Creepy guy: Do you know where we can get some coke?
Girl: Oh, go that way.

–11th & 3rd

Overheard by: Otto

Posted on October 23, 2014
Cocaine, Creepsters, Directions, Union Square and East Village

Actually, My Dealer Bestowed It Upon Me

Guy: Oh my god! I just snorted!
Girl: Hey! There’s only room for one snorter and I’ve already claimed that title.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Natalie

Posted on October 3, 2014
Cocaine, Default, Girls, Guys, Movie Theaters, Offers and requests, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Unfortunately, Those 10 Years Were the ’80s

Woman: What’s the average shelf life for a crackhead?
Man: She’s doing a lot, I mean…
Woman: But how long can she go?
Man: Crackheads? I’d give’ em a good 10 years.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jones

Posted on September 1, 2014
Brooklyn, Cocaine, Cocaine Diet, Couples

The I-Deliberately-Created-My-Diminished-Capacity Defense

Chick #1: You shouldn’t have slept with him. You knew that would really hurt his girlfriend…
Chick #2: Yeah, I know, but we were both so high on coke that neither of us should be held responsible for our actions.

–Starbucks, 50th & 9th

Overheard by: sketchy

Posted on August 24, 2014
Cocaine, Girls, Philosophy, Starbucks

Wednesday One-Liners Are Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland

Woman: One time this guy punched me…but it was alright, cause I was on coke.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Laura Grossman

Female hipster on cell: I'm coked up and all alone, Harvey, how do you expect me to feel?

–Humboldt & Ainslie, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joseph Hernandez

Girl on cell: I haven't done coke in like a week. It's been a rough week.

–Upper East Side

Hot 20-something tourist girl to friend: Pfft, the Meatpacking District. That's false advertising…I got no meat packed in me last night. All I did was steal that bag of cocaine from those guys.

–Broadway & Wooster

Overheard by: ClassyGal

Female 20-something on phone: Yeah, he realized it was too late when he couldn't tell the difference between the piles of sugar, the piles of flour, and the piles of cocaine.

–Central Park

Posted on August 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Cocaine, Cocaine Diet, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Food, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Punch, Questions, Soho, Thievery, Time, Tourists, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

…Then Take $60 and Burn It

Girl: If you want to get a feel for coke, chop up an aspirin and snort it up your nose. That should do it.

–Joseph’s on 49th Street

Overheard by: Megan Buckley

Posted on August 1, 2014
Cocaine, Druggies, Medicine, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes

The Other Apprentice

Guy: If you’re a cokehead you can really climb the corporate ladder. That’s all those guys making six figures.
Girl: It’s in American Psycho.
Guy: Then they burn out and the new guys come in.

–Lakeside Lounge, Ave. B