All the World’s a Wednesday and the People Merely One-Liners

Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two!

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare…

Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy.

–Gallery Players, Park Slope

Overheard by: Emily B.

Guy: …and grimace could play Mary Magdalene.

–Lincoln Center

Shake Shack patron: It was like Menopause: The musical.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Queer on cell: Honey, if you thought Menopause was funny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagina Monologues!

–Walgreens, Union Square

Flyer guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Minerva

Stagehand: Julliard is a school. It’s not like Spamalot.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on January 15, 2015
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Death, Depressed, Fast Times at New York High, Flyer people, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Gripes, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Park Slope, Queer guys, School and studying, Store, Teens, Theater, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Okay, Like Some Horrible Hybrid

Chick #1: Jessica, I’m not kidding, he looked like a beaver!
Chick #2: Christine, that’s vulgar!
Chick #1: No, but seriously — like a chipmunk!
Chick #2: But why wouldn’t you say ‘chipmunk’ instead?
Chick #1: Because he seriously looked like a real beaver!

–77th & Madison

Posted on January 14, 2015
Animals & Nature, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Talking/Convos, Upper East Side

Why England Attacked New England

Girl #1: I wonder where Austria is.
Girl #2: It must be by Australia, because they sound the same.

–Bus

Overheard by: David

Posted on January 13, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Names, On the Bus, Questions, Stupidity

I Plan to Eat Some Later While Watching The Lake House

Baby face cop #1: I don't know…I'd like to use the mini marshmallows in mine.
Baby face cop #2: Yeah, I guess so, cutting up the big ones is just a pain in the ass.
Baby face cop #1: Yeah, but still that ambrosia recipe is way better!

–Elevator in Courthouse

Posted on January 13, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Default, Elevators, Food, Government

In Other Words, Fiercetarded

Punk guy #1: That was fierce.
Punk guy #2: Fierce like Tyra Banks.

–Knitting Factory, Leonard Street

Overheard by: Holly Kaye

Posted on January 12, 2015
About Celebrities, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Punks

Kentucy Fried Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to girl: All I know about your baby is that as long as it's in your stomach, it's not gonna be underfed. I wouldn't be surprised if it came out with a chicken wing in its mouth.

–MacDougal & 3rd St

Overheard by: Jaco

Older hipster man, in front of organic section: So these eggs are tortured chicks, and these are non-tortured chicks… Hmmm…

–Fairmay Market, Red Hook

Overheard by: RStein

Black guy: Yo, black guy! Where is the nearest place I can get fried chicken? I want some fried chicken and grape soda!

–Union Square

Random guy on escalator: Fuck anime, I can't wait for that juicy buffalo chicken sandwich.

–Kinokuniya Bookstore

Overheard by: Chris Coll

Posted on January 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Black People, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Food, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Old People, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Store, Strangers, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

“…So I Can Go Into Clown Porn!”

Guy #1: Yeah, I was at the national unicycling convention.
Guy #2: It's sad that you couldn't put your skills to use… You could be a stuntman, or a sex slave. But no! You said, “Daddy, I want a unicycle!”

–F Train

Posted on January 11, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, Sports, Weirdness

They Have to Recruit, Because They Are Seldom Able to Reproduce

A small boy on the bus is flicking a flashlight.

Boy: Laser!
Geeky guy across the aisle: I think that’s shaped more like a light saber.
Boy: Light saber!

–M104 bus

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on January 10, 2015
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Gadgets, Kids, Movies, On the Bus

They Didn't Appreciate the Blackface, Though

White guy: Where do you live?
White girl: The Upper East Side. Where do you live?
White guy: I just moved to the city, I live in Harlem.
White girl: Oh, that must be scary.
White guy: Nah, it's not scary. I'm from Northwestern Florida so I mean I'm used to black people…plus, I play basketball.
White girl (nods in complete agreement): Oh, you're fine then.

–Bowery Bar

Posted on January 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fears, Girls, Guys, NYC Geography, Questions, Race, The Village, Threats, U.S. Geography, Weirdness

She's the Perfect Aperitif

Thug #1: So you know her, then.
Thug #2: No.
Thug #1: But you just said “that hot spic chick.”
Thug #2: No, I didn't.
Thug #1: You did! You just called her “that hot spic chick!”
Thug #2: No, I said “that hot delicious chick.” Because everyone's been talking about her.

–7th & Berry, Brooklyn

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on January 8, 2015
Beauty, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Thugs, Words

Compare/Contrast