There's No Wednesday One-Liners Like Show Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster Pee-wee Herman lookalike to friend: Oh, and when I give her anilingus to let me direct a show? You're totally gonna be in it!

–Q Train

Overheard by: Flea

Man: I believe some of this will be made up.

–Going into Wicked, Broadway

Overheard by: CAM

Black highschool girl: Oh my god, why do they keep singing?

—In the Heights, Broadway Musical

Overheard by: Cookie

Woman in Jersey accent: Is this the one about the boy who wants to be a horse or the girl who wants to be a fish?

–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: HarlemRy

Daniel Radcliffe fan girl: I have to be in this show some day. Even if I'm eighty, I gotta be in this show with him. I'd be like, "put it in me! Put it in me!"

–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: Nikki

Man leaving Hair: Well, that beats the hell outta Shakespeare!

–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park

Posted on October 27, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, B & T, Black People, Broadway Shows, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Fakes, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Licking, Men, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Singing, Students, Theater, Theater & Dance, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Hey, I Don't Wanna Get Into a Whole Thing Here

Girl: What does your peanut butter taste like?
Friend, eating peanut butter: Was that a come-on?

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on October 27, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Queens, Sensory Experiences

When I Say “No Tracheotomy,” I Mean It

Woman #1: After that Oprah, I knew we needed to work at our problems.
Woman #2: Good for you, good for you.
Woman #1: Yeah, I was like “Nigga, you better get up off me, take this knife off my throat, and use some motherfuckin words.”
Woman #2: Girl. Just like Rihanna.

–Escalator, Penn Station

Overheard by: JHillary

Posted on October 25, 2014
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Penn Station, Relationships, TV, Violence, Women, Words

…That Drive Pink Convertables and Have the Genitalia of a Eunuch!

20-something girl: I don't believe in foundation makeup.
50-something woman: Really?
20-something girl: I used to wear it a long time ago, when I was younger, but it makes you look so fake, like a doll…which is stupid because we're people!

–Madison Square Park

Headline by: Skipper

Runners-Up:
· “…And That’s When I Dropped Out Of Clown School.” – Danny the Mullins
· “Barbie’s Infiltration Plan Is Working” – Natalie
· “Besides, The Tips at the Carnival Were Totally Not Cutting It” – Dave
· “Britney Tries Her Hand at Philosophy” – Fresca P.
· “Excerpts from the Human Tissue-Silicone Ratio Debate” – ty
· “I Also Refuse Parachutes; I Ain’t No Bird!” – Jeff
· “Max Factor Is…People!” – Chris

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 25, 2014
Age/Aging, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fakes, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Makeup, Parks, Physical appearance, Women

ZZ Top: She's Got Legumes, She Knows How to Use 'em!

Friend #1: It smells like green beans on this train!
Friend #2: Your mom smells like green beans.
Friend #1: (pauses) I know.

–F Train

Posted on October 24, 2014
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences

What Self-Respecting New Yorker Can’t Distinguish Between a Pothead and a Crackhead?

White trash girl, looking out of bus window: Look at Ed*. He looks like a fucking lumberjack. He needs a shave.
White trash guy: That Ed* -he’s a fucking crackhead.
White trash girl: I thought he smoked pot?
White trash guy: Crack, pot -what’s the difference?
Hipster guy sitting behind them: Excuse me, I’m Ed*’s best friend. He’s definitely a pothead. He never does crack. But he does look like a lumberjack.

–Q54 Bus