Russian woman w/heavy accent: So you know it was arranged–like arranged marriage–and I marry him for dowry.
Friend, in disbelief: My goodness! For what? Like cows?
Russian woman: What cows? We live in the city! For money, I marry him for money.
–23rd St & Park Ave
Overheard by:
Loud chick to male companion: And she sings when she orgasms! Like, "a-a-a-a-aaaah!" and "e-e-e-e-eeeeeee!"
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle
Man outside Starbucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an orgasm over the phone last night. (laughs)
–Starbucks, 14th St
Overheard by: Elizabel
Subway musician: Y'all better be good 'cause Santa Claus only comes once a year. But that's between him and Mrs. Claus.
–W 4th St Subway Platform
Young man on cell: It looks like a 42-inch orgasm.
–Posman Books, Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: ant
Hot chick to another: You're like the Mother Teresa of orgasms!
–1020 Bar, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chuck Bass
Girl selling Obama condoms: Buy Obama condoms, they are cheaper than a baby and easier to push than a stroller.
Mom pushing stroller: You're two years too late.
–44th & 7th
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Festering pedestrian: Well, he didn't mention my name at the Tonys, and for that I'll never forgive him.
–43rd St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Ryan
Producer of an unsuccessful off-Broadway play: That's what this show makes me do. Everyday I get here and just squeeze my neck just like this, I just squeeze it. I don't do this anywhere else.
–Chelsea Theater
Overheard by: Kyle
Audience member to friend: Of course it sucks. It's Shakespeare.
—Macbeth Performance, Battery Park
Hipster guy: I think this play is by the same guy who wrote Ten Things I Hate about You
–NYCL Production of Shakespeare's Cymbeline, Central Park
Overheard by: digamma
Hipster girl: Last time I was in the third row, but I think I like these better. At least I won't get my head humped tonight.
—Hair Performance, Delacorte Theatre
Teenybopper at intermission: Joe Jonas would make such an incredible bodega guy!
–Richard Rodgers Theatre
Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: John Galt Jr.
Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: nova scotia
Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.
–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Amber Star
White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: mela
Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Scientific
Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!
–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge
Crazy hobo: Well, hey baby, you're beautiful!
Pedestrian: I'm a man, dammit, I'm a man!
–9th Ave
Teenage tourist, pointing: Mom, look! It’s Daryl Hannah!
Mom: Honey, that’s not Daryl Hannah. That’s one of those transgender people.
–Downtown 6 train, 77th St
Overheard by: Anne
Headline by: pontiac
Runners-Up:
·
“As I Always Say, ‘If You Can’t Tell, It Doesn’t Matter.'” – Dave
· “Must Be Nicolette Sheridan’s Day Off.” – seamus
· “Not to Mention She’s still Tied to a Walnut Tree in LA” – Liz!
· “Perhaps the Blade Runner Left an Angry Inch” – megs
· “So That’s Where She Went.” – Eamon Stimson
· “Technically, They’re Both Right” – Wes Mantooth
· “Tom Hanks Thought It Was a Fish Tail.” -peter
· “Who Says ‘Ambiguous’ Isn’t a Classic Look?” –
Dame Droiture
Sweet little boy: Look, mommy, that boy has a bike just like mine!!
Huge Jamaican mom: Get on the damn elevator and shut up! (pause) And just so you know, this is how hot it's gonna be when we go to the island, so you better get used to it now.
–D Train
Girl: My new roommate gets freaked out by my composting. She’s like, why are there egg shells and coffee grounds in this bin?
Boy: She has other things to be more freaked out about, like her mustache.
–B54 Bus
Hipster Pee-wee Herman lookalike to friend: Oh, and when I give her anilingus to let me direct a show? You're totally gonna be in it!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Flea
Man: I believe some of this will be made up.
–Going into Wicked, Broadway
Overheard by: CAM
Black highschool girl: Oh my god, why do they keep singing?
—In the Heights, Broadway Musical
Overheard by: Cookie
Woman in Jersey accent: Is this the one about the boy who wants to be a horse or the girl who wants to be a fish?
–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: HarlemRy
Daniel Radcliffe fan girl: I have to be in this show some day. Even if I'm eighty, I gotta be in this show with him. I'd be like, "put it in me! Put it in me!"
–At Equus, Broadhurst Theatre
Overheard by: Nikki
Man leaving Hair: Well, that beats the hell outta Shakespeare!
–Outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park
