“Drunk train” conductor: This is Jamaica station, train to Huntington… Please walk across the platform for the shiny train to Hempstead.
Drunk girl: Ohmygod dude, it's like actually shiny.
–Penn Station
“Drunk train” conductor: This is Jamaica station, train to Huntington… Please walk across the platform for the shiny train to Hempstead.
Drunk girl: Ohmygod dude, it's like actually shiny.
–Penn Station
Dude to another: One of us threw up in Joanna's underwear drawer, so she was really pissed.
–181st & Bennett
Girl to another: Well, you don't want to throw up in front of the guy you just had sex with!
–7th b/w 2nd & 3rd
Girl in diner booth: I'm about to throw up in my pants.
–Henry & Court
Overheard by: Alex
Train conductor lady: I am not playin'. People need to get home. Get all the way in or get off. If you are vomiting, please exit the train. I will keep this train right here and kick off every damn one of you wearing green.
–Penn Station, St. Patrick's Day
Guy, vomiting on tree: Man, fuck that tang.
–Carlton Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Zoe
Conductor: The next stop on this train will be Valley Stream. Next stop, Valley Stream. And please, no singing Britney Spears on this train.
Crowd of beach teens: Awwwww!
–LIRR
Overheard by: mersayseh
(train stops late at night, conductor orders everyone out)
30-something man with large black coat on: This is why I drive drunk! This is why I drive drunk! Because the trains suck! This is why I drive drunk!
20-something woman in heels: This is why I get in the car when he drives drunk! This is why I get in the car when he drives drunk!
30-something man: This is why I drive drunk! Fuck this train!
20-something woman: You tell them, uncle! You tell them!
–L Train
Conductor: If you want to go to Far Rockaway, you need to get off the train. (now in female voice) But why, conductor? (in normal voice) Cause it's the last stop you can do that. (pause) This is the train to L-L-L-L-L-L-Lefferts Blvd. Get off for Ffffffaaaaaarrrr Rockaway.
–A Train
Overheard by: Lonley Laugher
Girl, to herself: What if my water breaks in an elevator? (laughs) Akwaaaaard!
–High School
Conductor, after announcement tone: By the way, this is not an elevator. Waving your bag in the door does absolutely nothing.
–6 Train
Overheard by: you tell 'em
Middle-aged woman, pushing "up" elevator button to another pushing "down" button: You know, I could never figure it out with elevators, do you press the button to tell the elevator to come to you, or do you press it to tell it where you want to go?
–Building, Midtown
Overheard by: Delish
Older usher at Empire State Building: Please step out of the elevator. And as Beyonce says, to the left. To the left!
–Empire State Building
Lady on cell, waiting in line: Oh really? Well, I had heard someone took a crap in a Manhattan elevator!
–Supermarket, The Bronx
Male conductor: Due to the lateness of this train, the next stop will be Bay Parkway.
(pause)
Female conductor: The next stop will be 62nd Street.
Male conductor: This train will now run express. The next stop is Bay Parkway.
Female conductor: Con-duct-tor! The next…
Male conductor: Okay, okay. The next stop is 62nd Street.
–D Train
Overheard by: I hate the D train
Conductor, very loudly and emphatically: This is 28th Street. 34th Street is next, stand clear of the closing doors!
Four-year-old girl to mother: Why is he upset?
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: mersayseh
Conductor: Next stop, NYU. 8th Street.
Tourist teen girl #1: NYU? Is that New York University?
Tourist teen girl #2: Umm, I think so.
Tourist teen girl #1: Wow! New York University has their own stop!
–N Train
Lady conductor: What's your problem?! Are you bored? You crossed the magic line!
Man conductor: Yeah…
Lady conductor: You crossed the magic line! He crossed the magic line!
–NJ Transit
