Person #1: Just take your pants off and try… please?
Person #2: No, I don't want to.
Person #1: Then why are you holding yourself?
–FAO Schwartz, 5th Ave
Person #1: Just take your pants off and try… please?
Person #2: No, I don't want to.
Person #1: Then why are you holding yourself?
–FAO Schwartz, 5th Ave
Girl shopping for vegetables: What's the difference between these two kinds of broccoli rabe?
Asian farmer: One is Chinese broccoli rabe. It's more sweet. The other kind is bitter.
Girl: Why are some of them yellow and some of them green?
Asian farmer: That's just different names, like how some mens is short and some mens is tall.
–Fort Greene Farmers Market
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Mystical store clerk to very serious customer: Yeah, I went through like half the winter like without the appropriate headbands!
–Bookstore
Overheard by: teen
Older woman to younger woman: At least you're not wearing windpants anymore. That's an improvement right there.
–Bedford Ave & N 5th St
Middle-aged businessman to two others: In my life I've seen, at most, three people who look good in spandex.
–40th St b/w 5th & Madison Ave
Teen on cell: I think we're going to need something more supportive than a fanny pack.
–113th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Jeremy
Fabulous hobo: Why does a homeless man wear couture? Because he wants to show off!
–Union Square
Dumb woman looking at Chinese takeout menu: Chicken and rice soup. What's in it?
Confused woman behind counter: Chicken and rice.
Dumb woman: In a soup?
Confused woman: Yeeaah. That's why it's called “chicken and rice soup.”
Dumb woman: Okay, I'll have that.
–E 23rd St b/w Park Ave & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Janine
Guy selling city maps, singing to beat of nearby music: Who needs a map? Who needs a map? It's not a trap!
–Central Park
Ghetto guy selling knockoff perfumes on street: Don't ask me where I got em' from, just get em' before the police come. I got DKNY, my mami J.Lo… Get em' folks! Get em'
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Alli
Street vendor to customer examining knockoff purses: Hurry it up. I need money.
–Madison & 59th St
Overheard by: Jennifer
Wannabe hip hop artist: Y'all like hip hop? Please look at my CDs. Miss, you have a beautiful forehead. Please buy my CD.
–Times Square
Guy handing out fliers: Hey! You guys like vagina?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Brett
Gristedes cashier to customer: Here's your change, and you get a coupon too.
Customer: Is it good for a Craigslist hooker?
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: Amused Shopper
Customer to employee: Excuse me, are these zucchini?
Employee: No, they're pickles.
Customer: Are you sure? They look like zucchini!
Employee: Yes, they're pickles.
Customer: Oh. (pause) Do they taste like zucchini?
Employee, after long pause: Yes. Yeah…pickles tastes like zucchini.
–Balducci's Restaurant
20-something female on cell: But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
–23rd St & 5th Ave
Customer, after placing order: …with hardboiled eggs.
Gay waiter: Hardboiled eggs smell like dirty assholes, an I've seen a few dirty assholes.
–Denny's
Overheard by: student-19
Preppy guy on cell: No, dude! I don't know, like…like really dirty girls.
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Anne
12-year-old boy to mother: The bum, you know! The dirty man that plays with me.
–Forest Parkway
Overheard by: Jason A
Guy dancing on new lawn: This isn't even good grass! It's dirty, yo!
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Falafel vendor: What're you, in a bad mood?
Customer: No, I'm in a good mood. I'm always in a good mood. I'm just ugly.
–168th & Ft. Washington
Waiting patron to man in stylist chair: You look like the guy in that old gangster movie. It's not Scarface, though.
Hair stylist: The one with John Travolta, right?
Patron: No, no, it's an old one, with George Raft.
Man in chair: I don't know which one you mean…
Patron: No, it's an old one. Black and white, from the '30s.
Hair stylist: Face/Off, it's with John Travolta and Nicolas Cage.
–125th St & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
