Dude #1: So how’s the child prodigy?
Dude #2: Pretty good… He’s starting to roll over now.
Dude #1: Does he fart?
Dude #2: Ohhhh yeah… He does a lot of that.
–N 6th & Bedford, Williamsburg
Dude #1: So how’s the child prodigy?
Dude #2: Pretty good… He’s starting to roll over now.
Dude #1: Does he fart?
Dude #2: Ohhhh yeah… He does a lot of that.
–N 6th & Bedford, Williamsburg
Dumb teen girl #1: So how did they “almost have sex”?
Dumb teen girl #2: Haha, she said “His dick was like -in my vagina… Except we had clothes on”.
Dumb teen girl #1: That’s called dry humping. We did that in like – seventh grade!
Dumb teen girl #2: I know.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Lasar
Blond guy: Hey dude, last week I was sooo drunk.
Brown haired guy: Oh what happened?
Blond guy: I was at a bar, right? Pissed drunk. Then I saw this hot girl, took her over to my place and she slept over. We had a great time until we woke up, and the bed was covered in like sixty individually wrapped Kinder chocolates. I have no idea where they came from, neither one of us were German! They were just all over the bed. ’til this day, I still don’t know where they came from…
Brown haired: Wow.
–74th St Deli
Overheard by: Stephanie
Young hipster professional: …I mean, you’ve seen the signs, right? “If you see something, say something”? …So I ran to the conductor’s car at the next stop and said, “Hey, there’s a really suspicious guy in the second car, he’s acting strange”.
Girlfriend: Oh my god! What did he say?
Young hipster professional: He said, “Stand clear of the closing doors.”
–6 Train
Flamboyant black guy #1: That’s what I love about being gay. All these bitches be loving on me so I get them to do my homework.
Flamboyant black guy #2: True.
–Washington Square North
[At a Thurston Moore solo show]Girl in front of crowd: Thurston, who are you going to vote for?
Thurston Moore: The black dude or the chick. … Actually, fuck ’em all.
–Knitting Factory
Comedy guy: I like your accent. Where you from?
Tourist: Ohio.
Comedy guy: You sound disappointed.
Tourist: Have you ever been to Ohio?
Comedy guy: Good point.
–41st & Broadway
Obnoxious Latino #1: Man, that guy was such a faggot! With that mohawk and those gay-ass glasses.
Obnoxious Latino #2: Hey, I’m wearing the same glasses.
[Silence.]
–1 Train
Flyer guy, after trying to give suit a flyer: Hey man, nice tie.
Suit turns around: Thanks! Nice! [Looks flyer guy up and down.] Actually, you look like shit.
–71st & Continental, Forest Hills
Lead singer of The Stitch Ups: What’s your name, sir?
Audience member: Samantha.
Lead singer of The Stitch Ups: Holy shit!
–Blender Theater, Gramercy
Overheard by: we thought she was a dude, too…
