Work Day One-Liners

Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?

–First Class Cabin, American Airlines

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.

–Cobble Hill Brooklyn

Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.

–Astor Place

20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: arielle

Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!

–E Train

Overheard by: lk

Posted on February 12, 2015
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Drugs, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Legal Conundrum

Drunk boyfriend: Yo! Stop hittin’ me! What’s your problem?!
Drunk girlfriend: Shut up, haha. I’ll slap you if I want to.
Drunk boyfriend: Stop! Or I’m gonna rape you.
Drunk girlfriend: Ohhh, I dare you…

–A train

Posted on February 12, 2015
Bitch-slap, Couples, Drunks, On the Subway, Rape, Talking/Convos

Wednesday One-Liners–No Apologies Necessary

Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.

–Avenue C

Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.

–6th & 27th

Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.

–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand

Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: rpk

Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.

–Astor Place

Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!

–5th Ave, near Empire State Building

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Apologies, Brits, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dominicans, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Suits, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Words

For One Thing, “Le Penetrator” Sounds a Lot Classier

Drunk girl: So I wouldn't ask you this if I were sober, but I just have to ask. When you…yunno…are you generally the…penetree, or the…penetrant?
Gay guy: Uhm, you mean, the penetrated or the penetrator?
Drunk girl, laughing: Oh, right. Well. Damn. I mean, gay sex is supposed to be better in France, right?

–Kittichai Restaurant

Overheard by: Brandy

Posted on February 9, 2015
Backdoor, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Languages, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Live Life on the Edge

Chick on cell: Yeah, but the possibility of being hit by the log is too great… And I don’t know if I want to take that risk.

–Train to Glen Rock

Young suit: I always have problems with zippers. Once, I was putting on my pants and my leg went through the zipper instead of the leg hole. It made a ‘rip’ noise, and then it broke.

–West End Ave

Traffic cop waving cars through pedestrian-flooded intersection: C’mon, c’mon! If they get hit, they get hit.

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Jobee, a pedestrian

Teen boy: Those signs are idiotic. If the kid runs out in front of your car, you’re going to hit him whether he’s deaf or not!

–Bedford Park, Bronx

Overheard by: Cousin It

Go-go dancer boy: I’m totally the only one who hasn’t fallen off the bar yet.

–Pier 45, Hudson River Park

Overheard by: Palest Girl on the Lawn

Posted on February 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Cops, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, On Cell, One-liners, Stupidity, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners

Nice Flying Suit, Though

Drunk guy being carried by his friends: Shhhhh…
Friend #1: You can't “shush” New York.
Drunk guy: Who's that?
Friend #2: I don't know, but he's 90 years old and smells like Robert Downey Jr.
Drunk guy: Shhhhh…

–Staten Island Ferry

Posted on January 31, 2015
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Ferry, Friends, Guys, Sensory Experiences, Staten Island Ferry

…In the Shape Of Three 6's.

Creepy drunk guy: I'm going to go to the bathroom and then I'm going to come back and hit on you some more.
Girl to friend: I fucking hope not, I think that guy has an open wound on his arm.

–W 12th

Posted on January 30, 2015
Creepsters, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, The Village, Threats, Violence

Wednesday One-Liners Graduate Magna Cum Laude

Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Harmony Davis

Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!

–W 72nd S, Record Store

Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…

Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.

–West Village

Overheard by: Andy & Nick

Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sofia

Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!

–Bar, Fulton St

Overheard by: Izzy

Posted on January 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Couples, Cum, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Orgasm, Parks, Penis, Punks, Queer guys, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Carrie Nation’s Wednesday One-Liners

German dude sits right next to drunk guy and fiddles with his Blackberry, ignoring drunk guy.

Drunk guy: I can’t believe I am sitting here talking to myself, drunk off my ass on an empty train, and you sit right here next to me.

–Nearly empty R train

Drunk college guy on phone: Dude, you’ve gotta come down here… Seriously, everyone’s gonna be here! There’s these two guys coming — the first guy is the first dude and the second guy, he’s the second dude! It’s gonna be freaking sweet!

–Serendipity 3, E 60th St

Overheard by: a. keane

Drunk girl points to a huge heap on the sidewalk: This is my first New York City garbage!

–2nd Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: acep

Drunk girl: …And so Tiffany came over to me and was like, ‘Josh is such a douche bag.’ And so I was like, ‘It’s okay, have another drink.’ And so she was like, ‘Okay. If he comes over here I’m gonna kick him in the balls.’ And Josh came over, and he was like, ‘Can’t you just talk to me?’ And Tiffany was all like, ‘I hate you, get away from me,’ and he was like, ‘But you’ve got a really nice rack,’ and so they started hooking up.

–A train

Angry drunk hobo to security guard outside office building: I am never staying at this hotel again! Wait, is this a hotel?

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cara

Drunk guy, shirt in pieces after being forcefully removed by bouncers: Good show… Good venue.

–In front of B.B. King Blues Club & Grill, 42nd St

Overheard by: Bluesybyer

Posted on January 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks

Drunks