Drunk girl: So I wouldn't ask you this if I were sober, but I just have to ask. When you…yunno…are you generally the…penetree, or the…penetrant?
Gay guy: Uhm, you mean, the penetrated or the penetrator?
Drunk girl, laughing: Oh, right. Well. Damn. I mean, gay sex is supposed to be better in France, right?
–Kittichai Restaurant
Overheard by: Brandy
Chick on cell: Yeah, but the possibility of being hit by the log is too great… And I don’t know if I want to take that risk.
–Train to Glen Rock
Young suit: I always have problems with zippers. Once, I was putting on my pants and my leg went through the zipper instead of the leg hole. It made a ‘rip’ noise, and then it broke.
–West End Ave
Traffic cop waving cars through pedestrian-flooded intersection: C’mon, c’mon! If they get hit, they get hit.
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Jobee, a pedestrian
Teen boy: Those signs are idiotic. If the kid runs out in front of your car, you’re going to hit him whether he’s deaf or not!
–Bedford Park, Bronx
Overheard by: Cousin It
Go-go dancer boy: I’m totally the only one who hasn’t fallen off the bar yet.
–Pier 45, Hudson River Park
Overheard by: Palest Girl on the Lawn
Drunk guy being carried by his friends: Shhhhh…
Friend #1: You can't “shush” New York.
Drunk guy: Who's that?
Friend #2: I don't know, but he's 90 years old and smells like Robert Downey Jr.
Drunk guy: Shhhhh…
–Staten Island Ferry
Creepy drunk guy: I'm going to go to the bathroom and then I'm going to come back and hit on you some more.
Girl to friend: I fucking hope not, I think that guy has an open wound on his arm.
–W 12th
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Harmony Davis
Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!
–W 72nd S, Record Store
Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…
Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.
–West Village
Overheard by: Andy & Nick
Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sofia
Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!
–Bar, Fulton St
Overheard by: Izzy
German dude sits right next to drunk guy and fiddles with his Blackberry, ignoring drunk guy.
Drunk guy: I can’t believe I am sitting here talking to myself, drunk off my ass on an empty train, and you sit right here next to me.
–Nearly empty R train
Drunk college guy on phone: Dude, you’ve gotta come down here… Seriously, everyone’s gonna be here! There’s these two guys coming — the first guy is the first dude and the second guy, he’s the second dude! It’s gonna be freaking sweet!
–Serendipity 3, E 60th St
Overheard by: a. keane
Drunk girl points to a huge heap on the sidewalk: This is my first New York City garbage!
–2nd Ave & 7th St
Overheard by: acep
Drunk girl: …And so Tiffany came over to me and was like, ‘Josh is such a douche bag.’ And so I was like, ‘It’s okay, have another drink.’ And so she was like, ‘Okay. If he comes over here I’m gonna kick him in the balls.’ And Josh came over, and he was like, ‘Can’t you just talk to me?’ And Tiffany was all like, ‘I hate you, get away from me,’ and he was like, ‘But you’ve got a really nice rack,’ and so they started hooking up.
–A train
Angry drunk hobo to security guard outside office building: I am never staying at this hotel again! Wait, is this a hotel?
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cara
Drunk guy, shirt in pieces after being forcefully removed by bouncers: Good show… Good venue.
–In front of B.B. King Blues Club & Grill, 42nd St
Overheard by: Bluesybyer
Drunk girl #1: Does this train stop at Penn Station?
Drunk girl #2: Hello?! Can somebody tell us if this train is going to Penn Station?
Drunk girl #1, apologizing: Ignore her, she's from Rochester.
–F Frain
Drunk tourist guy #1 to guy on movie set: Hey, what are they filming?
Guy on movie set: Arthur.
Drunk tourist guy #1: Cool! With Dudley Moore?
Drunk tourist guy #2: Dudley Moore is dead, you fucking idiot!
–Park Ave & 51st St
Overheard by: Annie
Giggling drunk girl #1: Look! Someone spilled Kool-Aid all over that seat! Or at least I hope it's Kool-Aid.
Giggling drunk girl #2: It very well could be Hawaiian Punch.
Giggling drunk girl #1: I don't even want to know what happened if it was Hawaiian Punch!
–F Train
Drunk guy: King Kong ain’t got nothing on God almighty!
Sober girl: Stop touching me, you dirty old man.
Drunk guy: I ain’t touching you, woman.
Sober girl: I don’t do trash.
Drunk guy: That’s why I wanchu.
–Q train
Overheard by: Ted Danger, esq.
