Female bartender: I'm double-jointed. Isn't that weird?
Sketchy barfly: You wanna see something weird? I can suck my own dick!
–Mars Bar
Overheard by: Pete
Female bartender: I'm double-jointed. Isn't that weird?
Sketchy barfly: You wanna see something weird? I can suck my own dick!
–Mars Bar
Overheard by: Pete
Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.
–SoHo
Overheard by: kim
Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.
–2nd Ave & Houston
Overheard by: gypsee
Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs.
–1 Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.
–M14D Bus
Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: rachel
Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand.
–Brother Jimmy's Restaurant
Overheard by: Joe
Drunk girl: Can you put my phone in your pocket?
Friend: But your pants have pockets!
Drunk girl: No, they don’t! That’s just a glitch in the matrix!
–2 train
Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister.
–14th St
Overheard by: The Reverend
Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you.
–Max Cafe
Overheard by: D to the ana
Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night!
–Whole Foods Union Square
Overheard by: bildita
Preppy girl: Is "faint" a euphemism for "boner"?
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Diana
Drunk girl: I'm unzipped and unbuttoned.
Passer by: Ready to go!
–Rubulad, Brooklyn
Headline by: unzipped, but buttoned.
Runners-Up:
· “…To the Bathroom!” – CherryPie
· “…To the STD Clinic” – JuzouShades
· “And Just Like That, Debbie Does New York Was Well on Its Way” – Buck Neked
· “Thunder! Thunder! HO!!!!” – John
· “Why Work for Sex When You Can Grab Low Hanging Fruit?” – the evan
Very drunk African American guy to sober white guy: Yo, Wesley Snipes! You got any change?
Sober white guy: First of all, I'm not Wesley Snipes…
–Fulton Mall, Brooklyn
Drunk white guy: I can’t believe we used to beat you people.
Drunk black guy: Yeah, and it still happens to this day.
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.
–Tompkins Square Park
Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?
–First Class Cabin, American Airlines
Overheard by: Frequent Flyer
Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.
–Cobble Hill Brooklyn
Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.
–Astor Place
20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: arielle
Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!
–E Train
Overheard by: lk
Drunk boyfriend: Yo! Stop hittin’ me! What’s your problem?!
Drunk girlfriend: Shut up, haha. I’ll slap you if I want to.
Drunk boyfriend: Stop! Or I’m gonna rape you.
Drunk girlfriend: Ohhh, I dare you…
–A train
Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.
–Avenue C
Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.
–6th & 27th
Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.
–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand
Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.
–Broadway & Waverly
Overheard by: rpk
Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.
–Astor Place
Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!
–5th Ave, near Empire State Building
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
