He'll Just Think My Virginity Came Back Again

Drunk chick #1, as she looks in the mirror: Hey guys!
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Yeahhhh?
Drunk chick #1: I can't wait to go home and have sex with Cody* tonight! I love him so much!
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Drunk chick #1, truly forlorn: But I have my period!
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Ewwwwwwwwwwww!
Drunk chick #1: It's okay. He's dumb. He won't know the difference.
Drunk chicks #2, #3, #4, and #5, in unison: Yayyyyy!

–Ladies' Room, Lotus, W 14th St

Overheard by: Uhm…

Posted on January 2, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Drunks, Girls, Love, Menstruation, Sex, Stupidity, The Village

Your Editors Have Gotten Used to Doing Both

Drunk freshman #1: Dude, work was awful today. Usually I just sit there and drink, today I had to actually do shit. It was bad.
Drunk freshman #2, earnestly: Yo, that sucks dick, man!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Janine

Posted on December 29, 2009
BJs, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Jobs & Careers, Penis, Students

Why Else Would I Be Wearing These Leggings As Pants?

Drunk girl: Use your better judgment!
Drunk friend: I don't have that!

–1 Train

Posted on December 17, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, On the Subway, Stupidity

Smooth, Silky Wednesday One-Liners

Teen to friends: I want to get a haircut, but every time I get a haircut I get arrested.

–Union Square

Cashier: This line is closed! Unless one of y'all wants to drive me to my hair appointment!

–Home Depot

Woman to friend: Why can't he have a normal man haircut? Like, with short sides?

–Dekalb Ave & Oxford

Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula

Manic lady to no one in particular: Pay homage to my hair!

–B61 Bus

Drunk hipster: Donald Trump's hair is the Blarney Stone of New York.

–East Village

Overheard by: Concerned Irishman

Posted on December 16, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Bus, Cars and Driving, Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Drunks, Friends, Hair, Hipsters, On the Bus, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Store, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Gosh, I Miss My 20's.

Guy: Whatcha drinkin' there?
Wasted girl: Jungle juice. I made my own… special… red elixir. Haha. My eyes aren't even open right now, are they?

–Party, Brooklyn

Posted on December 15, 2009
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Questions

You Did! Congrats, Little Buddy.

Wasted Columbia kid: Hey, did you just go to the game?
Sober Columbia girl: Yup.
Wasted Columbia kid: Me too! (pause) Who won?

–1 Train

Posted on December 15, 2009
Drunks, Frat Boys, On the Subway, Questions, Sports, Students, Stupidity

Does “No Homo” Provide Enough Protection for That?

Drunk guy #1: My junk is way more prominent than your junk.
Drunk guy #2: No way, my junk is way more conspicuous than yours.
Drunk guy #1: Let's have a junk contest!

–St. Mark's & 1st Ave

Posted on December 12, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Height, Penis, Union Square and East Village

And You Call Yourself a Kardashian?

Drunk girl to another: There's like 7 miles of cock out there and I can't even get 7 inches.
Friend: I'd be happy with 4 inches.

–Chaos Club

Posted on December 6, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Happiness, Height, Penis

Begging Works More Often Than You'd Think

White guy in suit to drunk Asian girl coming out of the subway: Will you come home with me?
Please?
Asian girl: What? Why?
White guy: I'm lonely and I want to sleep together.
Asian girl: I'm not a prostitute, you dick!

–Time Square

Posted on December 3, 2009
Asians, Comebacks, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Insults, Offers and requests, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Suits, Times Square, White People, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Have Fallen Upon Hard Times

Hobo: Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? I love you.

–Broadway & 9th St

Hobo to everyone on train: Stand clear the closing doors, ladies and gentlemen. Please watch the gap between the train and the platform. Walk over it, not in it. Your safety is my number one priority because: without you, I don't eat.

–4 Train

Crazy hobo to man: I don't want your change. I want that! (points to man's crotch)

–F Train

Hobo: Can you spare me 600,000 dollars?

–Broadway & 97th St

Overheard by: Martijn H

Drunk hobo to restaurant owner: Oh, man, I've missed you! You haven't cursed me out in forever!

–Restaurant, Ave A & 7th St

Overheard by: Tigertail

Posted on December 2, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bosses, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Passengers, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Drunks