Guy: Whatcha drinkin' there?
Wasted girl: Jungle juice. I made my own… special… red elixir. Haha. My eyes aren't even open right now, are they?
–Party, Brooklyn
Guy: Whatcha drinkin' there?
Wasted girl: Jungle juice. I made my own… special… red elixir. Haha. My eyes aren't even open right now, are they?
–Party, Brooklyn
Wasted Columbia kid: Hey, did you just go to the game?
Sober Columbia girl: Yup.
Wasted Columbia kid: Me too! (pause) Who won?
–1 Train
Drunk guy #1: My junk is way more prominent than your junk.
Drunk guy #2: No way, my junk is way more conspicuous than yours.
Drunk guy #1: Let's have a junk contest!
–St. Mark's & 1st Ave
Drunk girl to another: There's like 7 miles of cock out there and I can't even get 7 inches.
Friend: I'd be happy with 4 inches.
–Chaos Club
White guy in suit to drunk Asian girl coming out of the subway: Will you come home with me?
Please?
Asian girl: What? Why?
White guy: I'm lonely and I want to sleep together.
Asian girl: I'm not a prostitute, you dick!
–Time Square
Hobo: Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? I love you.
–Broadway & 9th St
Hobo to everyone on train: Stand clear the closing doors, ladies and gentlemen. Please watch the gap between the train and the platform. Walk over it, not in it. Your safety is my number one priority because: without you, I don't eat.
–4 Train
Crazy hobo to man: I don't want your change. I want that! (points to man's crotch)
–F Train
Hobo: Can you spare me 600,000 dollars?
–Broadway & 97th St
Overheard by: Martijn H
Drunk hobo to restaurant owner: Oh, man, I've missed you! You haven't cursed me out in forever!
–Restaurant, Ave A & 7th St
Overheard by: Tigertail
Drunk Southern chick: And I knew that when he said “fuck you” it was over… You'd never say that to me, would you?
Sober Southern guy: (stares blankly)
Drunk Southern chick: Yeah, I know you would.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: I Agree With Him
Drunk man, with fist in air: This is Sparta!
Young boy: I thought it was New York City…
–5th Ave
Drunk girl on cell, passing Hugh Grant: Yeah, I know, right? Oh, wait, there's Hugh Grant.
(Hugh Grant turns around)
Drunk girl to Hugh Grant: Wow, you're a shitty actor!
Brad Garrett, pointing and laughing at Hugh Grant: Hahahahahaha!
–72nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Sarah
Drunk hobo: You guys are attractive. You got the hair thing going on and you have the sideburns working for you. (flexes biceps)
Teenage boys: Ummm… Thanks.
Drunk hobo: Guys… listen. Guys… birds of a feather fly together. Birds of a feather fly together. You don't see seagulls flying with pigeons or pigeons flying with seagulls. Birds of a feather fly together! You guys have any money?
(they give him some change, he walks away)
Sketchy man overlooking: Wow… that guy was crazy. Do you kids want some weed or some blow?
–Sitting Area, 48th & 8th
Overheard by: Brendan
