Italian man: It seems Americans can't spell, like they don't even have command of their own language.
Muslim woman wearing a burqa: Why should anyone learn to spell when all you have to do to get ahead in this country is show some crack? …if you know what I mean.
–Tillies, Brooklyn
Teen guy #1: I need a Japanese tutor. I found this guy for $35 for like an hour and a half; it's a really good deal 'cuz it's usually like $50 for an hour.
Teen guy #2: Math tutors are the best.
Teen guy #1: But I need a Japanese tutor.
Teen guy #2: Yeah, but math tutors are the best deal.
–E Train
Overheard by: legume
Mid-western mother to suit crossing against light: Excuse me, sir?
Suit, in mid-intersection: Yes?
Mother: You’re setting a bad example for my daughter -crossing against the light.
Suit, continuing on his way: Yes, I am.
–45th & 5th
Black guy #1: How many credits are you taking this semester?
Black guy #2: 12.
Black guy #1: Why so few credits?
Black guy #2: What do you mean, why so few credits?
Black guy #1: Yeah, why so few credits?
Black guy #2: Tuition, nigga!
–B52 bus
Overheard by: Andrea Quijano
Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!
–Prospect Heights
Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.
–Battery Park Starbucks
30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.
–Chinatown Bus
Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.
–Upper East Side
Gap employee #1: What's your major again?
Gap employee #2: French studies.
Gap employee #1: Oh yeah, you're all into London and shit, right?
–The Gap
Drunk guy, about textbook-toting passersby: Look, baby — law students!
Drunk girl: What? Where?
Drunk guy: Look at them! Haha, look! They even have books! NYU law students!
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Girl: I need a job with benefits.
Guy: McDonald's has benefits–free lunch, and you get to learn how to make French fries.
–Prospect Park
English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: HJWC
English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?
–Hunter College High
Overheard by: stupid english student
Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.
–Grace Church School
Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’
–Bard High School Early College
Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.
–Hunter College High
English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Frat boy: If you press your thumb hard in the middle of your forehead it stops your gag reflex for a minute.
Girl: Uhhh how do you know that?
Frat boy: I learned it at my frat, you can swallow a whole banana!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: JC
