Wednesday Will Punch You Right in the One-Liners

Man: I got beat up a lot in high school. It made me a better person.

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Incredibly Amused

Little boy: You best lay the smackdown on that hoe!

–Times Square

Student: I don't get why everyone is making such a big deal about Chris Brown hitting Rihanna, it's not like he's the first man to ever hit a girl. Get over it, world!

–Manhattan College, Riverdale, The Bronx

Overheard by: Stephen

Girl on cell outside beauty salon: If I didn't have things to do tonight, I would totally just slap the crap out of that girl. Seriously.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: maybe tomorrow, then?

Woman on cell: I went through this with my daughter this morning. (pause) Yeah, okay, you can hit me, but you can't hit anybody else.

–Cookshop Restaurant

Posted on January 6, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Education, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Men, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, Threats, Times Square, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

To Be Fair, What Does a Bronx Kid Know About Wheelbarrows?

Young teen: Why are all examples in my physics books about animals?
Teacher: City buses and wheelbarrows are not animals.

–Riverdale, Bronx

Overheard by: Ali P!

Posted on January 5, 2010
Animals & Nature, Education, Questions, School and studying, Science, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Bronx

As You'll Undoubtedly Learn When I Hand Back Your First Quizzes

Kid on first day of math class, to professor: So, what do you want us to call you?
Professor: You call me Max. But we are not friends.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Overheard by: MMC 2013

Posted on January 2, 2010
College, Education, Friendship, Nicknames & name calling, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors

Anatomically-Correct Wednesday One-Liners

Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hi-D

Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean.

–Key Foods

Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then?

–32nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Publius

Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier.

–45th St & Ave of the Americas

Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts.

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads…

–Metro-North Rail

Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped?

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Punks, Questions, School and studying, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesdays Would Sell Their Souls for Some One-Liners

Theology professor, after struggling with projection screen: This is Satan doing this to me.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Crazy man with bullhorn: Hanukkah is for God, Christmas is for Satan!

–Fordham Plaza

Conductor: This is an uptown a train making all local stops. Yes, you heard right, all local stops. The e train is out of service today, as it is on a vacation to hell. Stand clear of the closing doors, please!

–A Train

Overheard by: Kirstie

Girl yelling to two friends across train: Jay-Z is like a devil worshipper. No, seriously, he's like a Freemason or whatever. They all are: him, Madonna, Britney…

–J Train

Seven-year-old tourist to mother: Are we going somewhere safe where the devil won't get me?

–34th & 28th

Posted on December 23, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Crazies, Education, Fears, Friends, Girls, God, Holidays, Judaism, Kids, Men, Moms, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Satan, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…In Unrelated News.

Smelly white teenager #1: Yo, man! I haven't been to school in over a week and a half. I've been just chillin' with my girlfriend.
Smelly white teenager #2: Oh, wow! Really?
Smelly white teenager #1: Yeah, I dunno what I'm gonna tell my parents–you know, when I first heard of the Passion of the Christ I thought it was a porno.

–Q58 Bus

Overheard by: Queens Girl

Posted on December 21, 2009
Bus, Education, Jesus, Movies, On the Bus, Parents, School and studying, Stupidity, Teens, White People

Raise Your Hand If You Learn More at Work Than You Ever Did at School

Older teenage boy: And I'm learning shit there, too, more shit than I learned…
Friend, interrupting: At school.
Older teenage boy: At school, yeah. And they *like* my shit there, too.

–Corner of Fashion Avenue

Posted on December 19, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, School and studying, Teens

Great. Now Explain It Again in a Slow, Sultry Tone.

Music teacher: So, how do you control the sound of a recorder?
Embarrassed teenage boy: Um… You put your fingers… Uh, in the hole. And the higher you want the sound to be, the more fingers you put in the hole.
Music teacher: Is there any other way to control the sound?
Embarrassed teenage boy: Well, the harder you blow, the faster the sound will come. And the softer you blow, the slower it'll come.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on December 18, 2009
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Education, Gadgets, Queens, School, School and studying, Singing, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

That It Can Lead to Successful Screenwriting!

70-year-old woman: I saw that movie with that man–that fellow, Eastwood.
Friend: Gran Torino?
70-year-old woman: Yes, yes. They should make young people today watch that. Teach them a lesson about drinking and drugs!

–Columbia

Posted on December 18, 2009
About Celebrities, Columbia, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Movies, Old People

Education