Guy: Please do not tell me you took a shit in this cup.
Girl: We can wash it out.
–74th & Columbus
Guy: Please do not tell me you took a shit in this cup.
Girl: We can wash it out.
–74th & Columbus
Professor #1, reading from card: There is a chair available for your monologues. Do not stand on the chair. Do not throw the chair.
Applicants and parents: [Laugh.]Professor #1: Do not disrobe.
Applicants and parents: [Laugh harder.]Professor #2: You laugh, but they’re on that card for a reason.
–NYU
Overheard by: ZB
Father to son: You see, women do the shopping, so you gotta go to a good store to find a good woman.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Trainspotter
Young boy to guy accompanying him: There are things that Americans can do better. We can burp a lot louder than Chileans. And we can spend a lot more money while shopping.
—Tom Crean: Antarctic Explorer performance, Irish Repertory Theatre
Overheard by: Michael Baker
Dude to friend: … So every time he signs for a purchase on a credit card, he signs it ‘Not valid’ and Best Buy was the only store that ever caught it!
–Burns St, Forest Hills
Woman seeing old friend, and pointing to man beside her: Yeah, this is my new husband. He buys me Neiman Marcus. My old husband bought me Stein Mart.
–C train
Overheard by: Sarah F.
Valley girl tourist to street sweeper: Excuse me, where’s the mall?
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Really!
Old lady to other: Oh… S & M… Do you like to be the dominant one?
–El Greco Diner, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Girl boarding elevator, to friend: So, it’s not good when you have to ask your boyfriend if he’s ever whipped himself… [Notices other people on elevator] Oops.
–Elevator, 34th & 1st
Chick to another: We all assume that one day you’ll be married with kids… Probably with a dungeon in the basement, but nonetheless.
–House party, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: McFreaky
Leather goods hawker: I’ve got leather everything! Leather thongs, leather socks… I got a leather condom with a zipper up the side!
–Orchard, near Rivington
Overheard by: losaida
Man: That Chinese lady liked it when I whipped you.
–G train
Overheard by: Jordan
TA to another: I love that we’ve been e-mailing about a student’s paper under the subject line ‘Fetish Ball.’
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Small child, happily: … And that’s the kind of pain that never goes away!
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily Star
Crazy guy: Happy New Year! Nice to see me!
Suit: Nice to see me, too.
–A train
Overheard by: Katie
Dude: You really are a nice guy, and it’s a good thing you’re such a nice guy, because if you weren’t, you’d totally be an asshole.
–Lobby of Le Parker Meridien
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl: Oh my god, she’s so nice. She’s a chiropractor and a stripper!
–F train stop, Park Slope
Guy on cell: Yeah, it was nice. I had a real nice time… Yup, she was cremated.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: kdice
Guy on cell: I know! I know! It’s like getting laid! It’s like getting laid! I mean, like, you’re having a nice dinner, you have a nice wine, but like, is she gonna drop her skirt? You can’t tell yet if she’s gonna drop her skirt!
–Outside Grand Central
Overheard by: Sarah
20-ish girl to friend: Thank you! You’re such a nice person. Except when you’re hungry.
–23rd & 7th
Guy is riding Vespa in bike lane, and girl opens her car door, nearly taking him out.
Girl: I’m sooo sorry about that.
Vespa guy: No, it’s my fault.
Girl: Well, fuck you, then.
–Chelsea
Lady: Happy Halloween! Where’s your goody bag?
Little girl, dressed as Cowardly Lion: I don’t want that candy! We’re going to buy some. We’re going to buy our own!
Dad: Don’t be proud, sweetie. Just take the candy.
–130th & Lenox
Little white boy: Trick or treat?
Asian employee: Here you go.
Little white boy: Thank you, Chinese! Thank you, Chinese!
–Saint Alps Teahouse
Gangsta #1, to cat-calling friend: Man, that’s rude.
Gangsta #2: Shut up! You smoke in front of your grandma.
–S 2nd & Bedford Ave
