Wednesday One-Liners Are Already Spending Their Rebate Checks

Father to son: You see, women do the shopping, so you gotta go to a good store to find a good woman.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trainspotter

Young boy to guy accompanying him: There are things that Americans can do better. We can burp a lot louder than Chileans. And we can spend a lot more money while shopping.

—Tom Crean: Antarctic Explorer performance, Irish Repertory Theatre

Overheard by: Michael Baker

Dude to friend: … So every time he signs for a purchase on a credit card, he signs it ‘Not valid’ and Best Buy was the only store that ever caught it!

–Burns St, Forest Hills

Woman seeing old friend, and pointing to man beside her: Yeah, this is my new husband. He buys me Neiman Marcus. My old husband bought me Stein Mart.

–C train

Overheard by: Sarah F.

Valley girl tourist to street sweeper: Excuse me, where’s the mall?

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Really!

Posted on March 19, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Dads, Default, Etiquette, Farting & Burping, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Marriage, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penn Station, Queens, Questions, Shopping, Southerners, Teens, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Forget the Safe Word

Old lady to other: Oh… S & M… Do you like to be the dominant one?

–El Greco Diner, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

Girl boarding elevator, to friend: So, it’s not good when you have to ask your boyfriend if he’s ever whipped himself… [Notices other people on elevator] Oops.

–Elevator, 34th & 1st

Chick to another: We all assume that one day you’ll be married with kids… Probably with a dungeon in the basement, but nonetheless.

–House party, 113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: McFreaky

Leather goods hawker: I’ve got leather everything! Leather thongs, leather socks… I got a leather condom with a zipper up the side!

–Orchard, near Rivington

Overheard by: losaida

Man: That Chinese lady liked it when I whipped you.

–G train

Overheard by: Jordan

TA to another: I love that we’ve been e-mailing about a student’s paper under the subject line ‘Fetish Ball.’

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Small child, happily: … And that’s the kind of pain that never goes away!

–1 train

Overheard by: Emily Star

Posted on March 19, 2008
Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Condoms, Default, Education, Elevators, Etiquette, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Internet, Kids, Ladies Who Lunch, Lower East Side, Marriage, Masturbation, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, S&M, Street, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Words

It’s Good to Be Visible

Crazy guy: Happy New Year! Nice to see me!
Suit: Nice to see me, too.

–A train

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on February 5, 2008
Crazies, Etiquette, On the Subway, Suits

Just the Nicest Wednesday One-Liners You’d Ever Hope to Find

Dude: You really are a nice guy, and it’s a good thing you’re such a nice guy, because if you weren’t, you’d totally be an asshole.

–Lobby of Le Parker Meridien

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl: Oh my god, she’s so nice. She’s a chiropractor and a stripper!

–F train stop, Park Slope

Guy on cell: Yeah, it was nice. I had a real nice time… Yup, she was cremated.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: kdice

Guy on cell: I know! I know! It’s like getting laid! It’s like getting laid! I mean, like, you’re having a nice dinner, you have a nice wine, but like, is she gonna drop her skirt? You can’t tell yet if she’s gonna drop her skirt!

–Outside Grand Central

Overheard by: Sarah

20-ish girl to friend: Thank you! You’re such a nice person. Except when you’re hungry.

–23rd & 7th

Posted on January 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Etiquette, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Thanks — You, Too

Guy is riding Vespa in bike lane, and girl opens her car door, nearly taking him out.

Girl: I’m sooo sorry about that.
Vespa guy: No, it’s my fault.
Girl: Well, fuck you, then.

–Chelsea

Posted on January 12, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Etiquette, Strangers

And the Nice Lady’s Watch, If You Can

Lady: Happy Halloween! Where’s your goody bag?
Little girl, dressed as Cowardly Lion: I don’t want that candy! We’re going to buy some. We’re going to buy our own!
Dad: Don’t be proud, sweetie. Just take the candy.

–130th & Lenox

Posted on December 11, 2007
Dads, Etiquette, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids

You’re Very Polite for a White Devil

Little white boy: Trick or treat?
Asian employee: Here you go.
Little white boy: Thank you, Chinese! Thank you, Chinese!

–Saint Alps Teahouse

Posted on December 7, 2007
Asians, Etiquette, Kids

A True Gentleman Always Puff-Puff-Passes

Gangsta #1, to cat-calling friend: Man, that’s rude.
Gangsta #2: Shut up! You smoke in front of your grandma.

–S 2nd & Bedford Ave

Posted on November 27, 2007
Brooklyn, Etiquette, Gangstas

My Urinal Acrobatics Can Be a Bit Off-Putting

Girl in stall: God, it’s so hot in here!
Girl waiting: I’m going to the men’s room.
Girl in stall: Why?
Girl waiting: So I don’t have to wait. [Leaves, then comes back a minute later.] There was someone in there, so I left. I didn’t want it to be awkward.
Girl in stall: Why would it be awkward for you?
Girl waiting: Not for me, for him.

–Ladies’ room, Maxie’s, Times Square

Posted on November 12, 2007
Etiquette, Friends, Stall Spies, Times Square

Etiquette