College girl #1: Ugh, I can’t believe I have to go to my uncle’s wedding. It’s his fucking third one!
College girl #2: His third one?
College girl #1: Yes! Why can’t he just go to some deserted island and get married by himself?!
College girl #3: Well, you can’t really get married by yourself.
(pause)
College girl #1: Will you please just be supportive? You know what I mean.
–MetroNorth, Harlem Line
Overheard by: rpk
Little boy: Where are we going, Joseph*?
Huge American Indian in floor-length fur coat: I’m your grandpa. If you call me Joseph, I’ll kick your ass.
Little boy: Why?
Huge American Indian in floor-length fur coat: It’s about respect.
–9th & 4th station, Park Slope
Overheard by: Glad my grandpas are dead
Four-year-old girl on tricycle: Why don’t you make more babies?
Yuppie mother: Because Daddy made you and your brother, and he thinks he did a pretty good job.
Four-year-old girl: But Mommy, do you want to make more babies?
Yuppie mother: Well, it takes two to tango!
Yuppie father: [Silence.]
–23rd & 8th
Friend #1: So how is your husband?
Friend #2: For some reason I keep on sleeping with his best friend.
Friend #1: What!
Friend #2: Yeah girl…I'm leaving him. So what do you want to order from the menu?
–Restaurant Queens
Black MTA employee guy: My brother is the conductor on this train.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: Is that right? What's his name?
Black MTA employee guy: I don't know.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: You don't know his name? And he's your brother?
Black MTA employee guy: He's a brother from another mother. You know, kinda light-skinned, with freckles.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: Oh, I know that guy. He hangs out with what's-his-name.
Black MTA employee guy: Yeah, right.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Stephanie Luke
20-something man on cell: I just bought another Transformers t-shirt. That means I am one Transformers t-shirt away from being able to only wear Transformers t-shirts.
–9th Ave & 45th St
Overheard by: Serena
Male art teacher: What's wrong with chiffon? If I were home right now, I would be wearing chiffon.
–Hunter College High School
Bar owner to college kid wearing suit: Look atchu all dressed up. What, are you goin' on a game show or somethin?
–Citi Bar
Overheard by: Lulu
20-something girl on cell: You should've known when you liked his clothes that he was going to be overly emotional. No one who dresses that good can hold it all together.
–Locker Room, Crunch Gym
Guy to group of friends: Yeah, so I said to him, "Mike, it's a problem when you wearin' the same clothes as your daughter.'"
–5th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Sue
Professor: We will talk about the JDC–the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. And no, they were not dispensing marijuana.
–Queens College
Overheard by: ShaniP
Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was selling, and that bitch was like, "Katrina, for how much?" And I was like "Oh my god, mom, it doesn't matter how much the weed is going for, all that matters is the quality!"
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: penelope
Random stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom's house!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Rhian
College student on cell: Mom, you've got to stop smoking so much weed. I mean, fuck!
–Time Square
Random dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, alcohol, marijuana, Chips Ahoy! I got it!
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lagster
Street vendor: Prada bags, Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci bags, marijuana bags… (everyone looks over at him) Hey, I gotta make money somehow.
–Times Square
Overheard by: mary jane
50-something yuppie guy to another: My wife just doesn't understand that men go through menopause too. It's not just a woman's problem. These past few months I can tell that I've begun my menopause.
Teenage girl sitting across from two yuppies: I'm pretty sure they call what you're going through “erectile dysfunction.”
–F Train
Overheard by: Sophia
Teen boy: You aren’t pussy-whipped. She’s your mother.
–77th between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Carl G
Little boy: Daddy, why did you yell at that man?
Dad: Because he’s an asshole! … Like your brother!
–Penn Station
